From nowwhere last night i felt out of control. Stupid really. I had an e cig on days 5 and 6 when i was on a jolly and have had this close by since. Not used it and it is a nicotine free version. Realised yesterday that i couldnt find it then i felt like i bloody needed it.
Its crazy now. Its nicotinme free, i havent smoked or had nicotine since i tried one lozenge on about day 3 (and felt i had cheated then) but was climbing the walls yesterday as i couldnt find this thing that would have given me a blast of cherry flavoured steam. I think its becuase i always had the choice to use it but as i couldnt find it i was no longer making the choice not to smoke or replicate smoking. This was compounded because the kids were in bed and my wife was doing an evening class leaving me trapped in the house. I cant see what the fuss was now but jeez I was on the edge. I found an old pouch of tabaco in the drawer that a mate left after a BBQ months ago. I was so bloody close and was being so pathetic. Thankfully i didnt cave in there and then but i text my wife and asked her to call and get me an e-cig and if she couldnt get one to get me some fags.
Seriously wobbling at that point! I had an epic internal discussion and took myself off to bed without waiting to see what my wife brough home. I got up this morning after a good nights sleep (??) and i am fine and there is a disposable e-cig on the side still in its packet. Absolutely fine today and no cravings. Apart from the first few days i have been coping easily so that was a shocker.
I now know it was purely down to circumstance and it was the feeling of being trapped and having no choice that caused it and i am glad i have now faced that and beat it. I know everyone is different so i cant say that keeping something close is going to benifit anyone but it does me. Nicotine free e cig with flat battery has now been found and will be attached to my keys!
If you are recently quit dont let this put you off as it has been worth every day and every crave since the 30th of sept. first 3 days were bad like i said then this was a bad event but it was 1 hour in my life that was a huge mind f@#k that i beat and i am still a non smoker. Every one of these barriers that a break through convinces me more and more that i will never again smoke another fag and i will be there for my kids a lot longer than if i was weak for the sake of 1 hour now.
Stay strong everyone!!