Sunday is the big day!

Hi everyone - this is my first time on this forum. I have smoked for 23 years and I have had many many attempts over the years. The last couple of years I haven't gone more than 6 weeks before returning to cigarettes. I'm on here as I feel getting support and reading other people's stories are really encouraging. I've no-one to talk to about stopping apart from a couple of people as I am a secret smoker - I know it's quite sad at my age but I'm so ashamed I don't want my family to know that I am still a smoker. The reason I'm writing this is that I know that I can be a happy non-smoker as I have been in the past. When I smoke I feel miserable, no confidence, a slave to the weed etc I know I must stop I know it's going kill me - it's just making that commitment and sticking to it. Each time I've stopped in the past I have thought after a few weeks - I'm going to buy some cigs tonight and smoke and I forget all the bad things that come with smoking - the smell, having to hide it from family, the slavery etc and just remember the good times when I've smoked (I know it sounds stupid) - then I'm back to the smoking pit again!:mad: I want this time to count. Also my problem is I always find an excuse to start smoking again or think well I'll stop next week instead of this week etc. I just wondered did anyone else keep making excuses when to stop?

23 Replies

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  • I just wondered did anyone else keep making excuses when to stop?

    Hi Mich - and yes, I probably went through every possible excuse not to stop smoking - for years and years and years. And I hated myself for it. But I perceived the prospect of quitting as the ultimate nightmare - and I just didn't have the strength or courage I thought I'd need to face life without my crutch. Oh my, how wrong I was. I now know that all I needed was to simply WANT to stop.

    And I'd say that the fact that you are here, actively seeking support and sharing your thoughts represents an important step towards a smoke free life. If you WANT to stop, you can and you will. And there are loads of people here who will help you on your way.

    Read around the forum - there is so much help and advice. You CAN do this. And it is sooooo worth it.

    Good luck - and keep posting,

    Sue

  • Hi Mich....I am or was a secret smoker also.....embarrased and ashamed of my habit....I'm only in my 4th day of quitting...but the feeling of freedom...and not hiding any more is really pushing me along...I hope this lasts...and it works for you.....good luck!!!

  • Hi Mich

    Yes I made excuses all the time.

    It's too busy at work.

    I'll do it after Christmas.

    I only smoke roll-ups and I throw half of them away unsmoked, it can't be that bad! (that was probably my best/worst!!)

    I recently started cycling (4 months ago) and I love it, lost a stone in that time but knew if I wanted to take it up semi-seriously I would have to escape the fags!....that's probably what convinced me even though I knew all the bad things about smoking!

    I needed a positive rather than the negatives.

    I had set my day for this Monday coming but I started my 3rd day at 1PM today! :)

    You have made the first move by setting your day and you know you can do it as you have before.

    I wish you the very best of luck....we can kick this!! :D

    Take care

    Greg

  • Thank you!

    I can't believe I've had so many replies already - thank you sooooo much for all your advice/personal stories - I'm quite emotional with all the support. I just want to be in that non-smoking situation that you are all in and I know it is only me that can do it!

    I want to stop and I'm definitely an unhappy smoker. I feel quite bad this morning as already I'm thinking of postponing the big day to the following week. This is my way of thinking; my partner is coming home on Thursday (he's a smoker) - he works away and only comes home every 3 weeks; I'll stop when he returns back to work on the Monday. I know it's crazy and probably another excuse for delaying the big day or would it be better to get all the excuses out of the way and then I've got no excuse whatsoever and stop then?

    I'm just thinking if I stopped just before he comes home then I know my mind will tell me 'oh just smoke whilst he's home'. Sorry for sounding pathetic but I'm really battling here - I want to stop but I know I'm going to have these thoughts nearer to Thursday. What do you think? I want to be 100% sure when I stop and I feel disappointed as already I'm reconsidering my quit day. I'm just being honest with everyone. I know I'm going to get some grief but as former smokers I hope you can remember how the cigarettes get hold of you and make you think irrationally!:confused:

    Thanks.

  • Ps

    PS well done Cymro and Greg and Sue for stopping - I forgot to put that in my previous message. You've all done so well - the feeling of freedom must be amazing! Thank you again for posting.

  • hi mich, i sincerely hope you dont get any grief. Everything you are saying will reosund in the other forum members heads as vivid memories. Each and every person on here has felt the same. You are not using delaying tactics, it is your subconscious nagging away at you. Also, big respect to you for identifying a potential weakness next week when your boyfriend comes home. better to be realistic than bury your head in the sand.

    Why dont you just not worry about that for now. just concentrate on quitting this sunday. Face thursday when it comes. Dont put any pressure on yourself. Tell your self "im choosing not to smoke today, but if i choose to smoke thursday, so what?" This is your quit and no one has the right to give you a hard time.

    Be nice and kind to yourself and keep talking.

    xx

  • Hi Mich

    I am sure you will do this as you seem to want to stop so much. I have faith you'll do it. Take it one day at a time and soon you will hardly even give it a thought. I'm in week 12 now of my second quit.My first one lasted 15 years or more, so believe me when I say the saying Not One PUff Ever is true.

  • thanks to the magic32 and becksharp

    Hi thank you for your replies - I know exactly what you're saying - I feel like I'm in a tug of war like state - I did alot of thinking on Wednesday evening - going through which day I thought would be better to quit - at first it was Friday (today) then I thought well Saturday morning you're going be up really early (about 5.30am I'm usually up) and I thought I'll be thinking to myself I could have smoked for a good few hours - I'm a secret smoker so usually have half my quota in the morning and then in the evening so then I thought if I smoked Sat and Sun morning then stop after then - that means I've smoked as many as I wanted - get it out of my system - but then this thought dawned on me this morning about stopping next Monday as my partner will be coming home...... - the thing is once I get a thought into my head I find it hard to fight it :(. I'm going to see how I feel after tomorrow. I feel quite depressed at the thought of having to smoke until Thursday (I know I have a choice and could stop Sunday) but I don't know if I will just go back on my word if I say Sunday will be the day :confused:. It's stupid I know but on Wednesday evening once I made my mind up it was Sunday I did feel relieved that soon the whole smoking thing would be over but still had the thought of my partner coming home looming in the back of my mind. Sorry to keep going on and on but I'm just putting my honest thoughts down. Thank you again and it's people like yourselves that give people like me the encouragement and confidence to know I can stop this!

    Michelle

  • Error

    Sorry I was mean't to say depressed at the thought of smoking until the following Monday (after partner gone back to work!)

  • please dont torture yourself mich... you have smoked for yearsm another few days ort weeks isnt going to make much difference. Use the time to get your mind in the right place. it'll be the best time you have ever spent.

    you have my thoughts with you.

  • Hi Mich

    I am feeling for you.

    I could never decide what day to do it

    I set my ActiveStop date on the Nicorette site "for this Monday" about a month ago and started to panic as soon as I had!

    I thought and thought as it approached and started to worry even more!

    But, I actually stopped Tuesday lunchtime!

    It was my way of "beating" the system and trying to be prepared :)

    I always thought I wouldn't be able to handle the stress of work but it is actually helpting to keep my mind busy.

    If you are going to have a really busy time with your boyfriend maybe give it a go this Sunday? ... or why not stay in bed with him for 4 days ;)

    Whichever you choose ...... jump on the bus with us newbies!

    Let's see where it takes us!! :)

    Speak soon

    take care

    Greg

  • Hi, and welcome to the site.

    It's a bit like standing on the edge of a cliff and trying to will yourself to jump, isn't it? The thought of being without the cigs is there like a yawning chasm, and your subconscious will find any excuse to keep you from committing yourself.

    But see, the thing is, it's NOT like jumping off a cliff into the darkness. It's like stepping out of a prison, and into the light.

    Walk out of that prison. Be prepared to hold your head up and keep walking on a bumpy path for a while - everyone on here will be around to cheer you on and guide you, and you won't be alone - and soon, the path will smooth out, the sun will shine and you will be FREE! And it feels bloody marvellous, let me tell you.

    In the words of the immortal Nike, JUST DO IT!

    Helen x

  • Thank you

    Hi guys thanks for your responses - I think I'm going definitely say 29th October - I think if I say Sunday I'm going go back on my word - on the 29th I have nothing to make me doubt my decision - no more excuses and to be honest I can't wait until the day that I'm free from the weed!!!

    I'm going keep going on the forum until and after I've stopped as I can't believe how everyone's replies are making me feel; that I'm not alone.

    Thank you again.

  • Hi, and welcome to the site.

    It's a bit like standing on the edge of a cliff and trying to will yourself to jump, isn't it? The thought of being without the cigs is there like a yawning chasm, and your subconscious will find any excuse to keep you from committing yourself.

    But see, the thing is, it's NOT like jumping off a cliff into the darkness. It's like stepping out of a prison, and into the light.

    Walk out of that prison. Be prepared to hold your head up and keep walking on a bumpy path for a while - everyone on here will be around to cheer you on and guide you, and you won't be alone - and soon, the path will smooth out, the sun will shine and you will be FREE! And it feels bloody marvellous, let me tell you.

    In the words of the immortal Nike, JUST DO IT!

    Helen x

    Welcome Mich and congratulations for starting to think about really quitting. I love what Helsbelles has written. I was a secret smoker too. I think there are a lot of us around! I read your 1st post and I swear that could have been me writing that.

    Choose a date that you know will give you the best start, and just take 1 day at a time. You can really get some good advice on here and sometimes just to read that others are going through or have been through the same as you makes such a positive difference. Good luck!

  • I'm going definitely say 29th October - I think if I say Sunday I'm going go back on my word - on the 29th I have nothing to make me doubt my decision

    Hi again Mich - I set my quit date well ahead and used the time to really prepare for Day 1. I felt like someone gearing up for an epic battle, and I had every conceivable weapon ready and armed. I'd anticipated as many triggers as possible, worked out what I'd do when I was bored/angry/stressed/fed up/tired/hungry/etc, I had stress balls, knitting, inspirational posters, new morning routine, healthy snacks to satisfy that 'I need something in my mouth feeling' all ready (long live frozen grapes!). By the time I'd finished my planning (I even arranged for my carpets to be cleaned and my car to be valeted!!) I couldn't wait for D Day to arrive. We're all different, but this approach really suited me. And it worked.

    COMMIT to a quit, and you'll do it. No need to stress about the start date.

    Sue

    x

    If you are well prepared, determined,

  • Thanks Helen

    Hi Helen thank you. I think being a secret smoker is worse - I'm just so embarrassed and all my family think I stopped 3 years ago! It's good to know that I'm not alone. Yes I thought it was very true what Hellesbelles put and very well put it was too!

    Well done to you for stopping I bet you feel like a different person. When I've stopped in the past immediately I feel so much more confident - like a new person - when I smoke I feel dirty and worthless - I can't wait to stop and I'm really looking forward to it. I'm just ****ysing each cigarette and thinking what am I getting out of this?

    I'm going to definitely stay on this site and thanks again.;)

  • Hi Sue

    Thanks again Sue. I do feel like I've gone back on my word as I did say Sunday but I just think I want to stop and be 110% that no miserly excuses are going to pop into my head so I am happy with my 29th quit date. I think because I am really obsessive by nature - if ever I get a thought I can't shake it so I want to be 100% clear that there is nothing to stop me stopping when that day comes. I can honestly say I don't think to myself 'oh it gives me another so many days to smoke' it is entirely that I have eliminated every possible obstacle and have smoked until the very last date that I can ...... - sorry probably doesn't make much sense but it's just my way of thinking. I am looking forward to being free. I feel that especially as I am getting older that I am playing russian roulette with my health although it's not my main reason for stopping it certainly is much more of a concern as I read some awful stories of people passing away at age 30+.

    You have done fantastic and to still be on this site giving people encouragement and advice is lovely. I read that you smoked for around 30 years - had you ever tried to stop before?

    Michellex

  • Hi Mich, I think for me being a smoker for such a long time, when I made the decision to quit I sweated over my quit date for a long time, I have a stressful job so a Monday is out, I am going for holiday(more booze) more chance of smoking and my partner is not quitting at the same time and so on.

    4 months after getting patches and inhalator I picked a Wednesday at random and went for it.

    Please dont be so hard on yourself.

    Stopping smoking has been compared to quitting herion and cocaine.

    Take strength, from this life saving forum.

    Daz

  • Hi Mich, quitting has to be done on your own terms. Your right to plan to give yourself the best chance of succeeding. The hardest bit for me was picking the quit day but since that last smoke I've felt better about that descion every day.

    Go for it!!!

  • Hi

    Hi Dazza4444 - I am the queen of excuses lol so had to get the quit date right - I think it's my obsessive mind that I'm thinking this is definitely it this time so I can't having anything which would affect my decision in anyway. It seems from this forum that other people have also had major dilemmas when it comes to choosing the day too so makes me feel better.

    Thanks for your words of support and well done to you too for making the step.

    Hi Lungsbackplease - happy with my quit date - just want to be a happy non-smoker and don't want to go back again!

    Thanks for your response and congratulations on stopping.:)

  • Mich

    Wishing you all the luck in the world in your quit, and may this be the one!

    Fi x

  • Thanks Fi

    Hi thanks Fi x

  • Hi Karri

    Thanks for your post; I know what you're saying; I do ask myself am I delaying it unnecessarily but I know how the nicotine-controlled part of mind works and it will question should I have waited until I had all my psychologiscal obstacles out of the way:confused:. On the otherhand once I have made my mind up I have been a happy non-smoker and people smoking around me doesn't bother me in the slightest. I have actually gone through one of the most stressful times at work when I stopped smoking about 3 months ago and although I thought at the time 'if I smoked I would have smoked a 100 that evening' I didn't want one at all and didn't even get a craving because at the time I was a happy non-smoker. I don't know why the hell I start again but it seems when I do it just like 'ok I'mm going to smoke tonight'. I don't know if subconsciously I forget all the bad things about smoking and the misery and slavery it brings once a certain time has lapsed and all the trouble it takes to stop again. At the moment I am hating smoking - it's sounds contradictory but I can't wait for the 29th.

    Well done for stopping :) - do you mind if I ask about your experience?

    Thanks again for your post.

    Michelle

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