5 lunar(loonie) months and counting

I thought this milestone would never get here,for the last few weeks iv been like a kid waiting for christmas. I dont feel great, i actually feel pretty unwell and depressed, the depression seems to be lifting though since i decided to come off anti depressants as they were making me suicidal and quite murderous. it isnt the quitting smoking thats responsible for being depressed,its been hanging about for years i think the smoking quit and the death of a loved one back in oct brought it on. A combination of daylight. excercise, social connecttion and meaningful activity, oh yes and omega 3 oil1000 mgs a day are all helping me to get myself out of that dammed dark place.

I still think about smoking a lot and there are times when smoking pops into my head at one of those times that i always used to smoke. I now see it through the eyes of someone who doesnt wish to smoke and doesnt want to try it, after all i have an informed choice now. Over the last few weeks iv seen and been around lots of smokers and have had thoughts that they look complete while smoking, but iv stopped envying them and remember how when i smoked i was always disapointed with the cigarette i was smoking and wished that i could stop. Now when i see someone smoking they are probably not even aware of it and are doing it because they have to, they are addicts like me, only i have gotten out of it,and i dont ever want to quit again so im coming round to saying i wont ever smoke again, its just not something i ever want to do anymore.

So iv succeeded in quitting smoking and now iv got the job of fixing my life which is a complete cock up, im sure its do-able now that smoking is out of the way, it was always easier to do that than anything useful. Thanks for your support everybody and all the best to those just starting out . it really is worth it.

Mash x

9 Replies

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  • Mash - your honestly is amazing and I personally think if you can quit smoking the rest is going to be easy for you. Give yourself a huge hug - you have done so well.xxx

  • Well done Mash, you definitely have the right idea now. Here's to the next 5 months:D

  • A big well done Mash, you really are heading in the right place.

    You are always a great help to everybody on here.

    Maria. x

  • Great post, Mash. I'm not far behind you and identify with much of what you say. There used to be a TV advert which said something like "who would you be without the cigarettes" and it really used to rattle my cage. I knew my smoking habit was in charge of an awful lot of my life - I'd prefer to sit at home smoking rather than go anywhere or do anything. I hated myself for it but was too scared, lazy, possibly depressed and certainly (I thought) addicted to even try.

    Thank God I finally took the plunge. There's now a pretty huge hole to fill, but at least I'm not stuck at the bottom of it any more!

    Good luck with your journey,

    Sue

    x

  • LOL just had this image of your cage being rattled by the truth. iv lost partners and friends and countless oportunities through it. smoking always came first, am thinking of writing an apology to those i neglected, iv heard it helps. just wish i could feel joyful about this quit. maybe it is on its way.

    Mx

  • LOL just had this image of your cage being rattled by the truth. iv lost partners and friends and countless oportunities through it. smoking always came first, am thinking of writing an apology to those i neglected, iv heard it helps. just wish i could feel joyful about this quit. maybe it is on its way.

    Mx

    yes it does help i have just made a confession on the stacey solomon thread and it kinda relieves it from your thoughts a little as if u released a few bad thoughts along with it

    your doing good mash i took ages to feel joy used to read others posts and wonder why i was lagging behind but i got there in the end

    remember the world is your oyster

    boo

  • Congratulations and a big well done on reaching 5 months inspite of everything that has been happening in your life - shows just how strong you really are (although you may not feel it at times!)...

    I think that anyone who can quit this addiction can pretty much do anything else they want in life...and while sometimes, you might wonder if it is all worth while, you know deep down it is worth the fight.

    I read this today on Facebook - l really loved it:

    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain"..

    ;):D

  • [QUOTE=

    "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it's about learning to dance in the rain"..

    ;):D[/Q

    I LIKE THAT

    M

  • just wish i could feel joyful about this quit. maybe it is on its way.

    The joy will come, Mash, trust me. I look back at loads of my old posts, and there was always a "yeah but" tone to them. Like many others on here, getting the quit under my belt seemed to act as a springboard to get on and sort other things out as well. :o

    I felt joyful seeing you reach this point, so let me celebrate on your behalf. :D

    I know that you have struggled at times, but you have been so strong. You didn't man up. You found your inner John Wayne, and you Cowboy'd up. With true grit like that, sorting the rest of your life out will come easy.

    You are a hero. :cool:

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