I thought this milestone would never get here,for the last few weeks iv been like a kid waiting for christmas. I dont feel great, i actually feel pretty unwell and depressed, the depression seems to be lifting though since i decided to come off anti depressants as they were making me suicidal and quite murderous. it isnt the quitting smoking thats responsible for being depressed,its been hanging about for years i think the smoking quit and the death of a loved one back in oct brought it on. A combination of daylight. excercise, social connecttion and meaningful activity, oh yes and omega 3 oil1000 mgs a day are all helping me to get myself out of that dammed dark place.
I still think about smoking a lot and there are times when smoking pops into my head at one of those times that i always used to smoke. I now see it through the eyes of someone who doesnt wish to smoke and doesnt want to try it, after all i have an informed choice now. Over the last few weeks iv seen and been around lots of smokers and have had thoughts that they look complete while smoking, but iv stopped envying them and remember how when i smoked i was always disapointed with the cigarette i was smoking and wished that i could stop. Now when i see someone smoking they are probably not even aware of it and are doing it because they have to, they are addicts like me, only i have gotten out of it,and i dont ever want to quit again so im coming round to saying i wont ever smoke again, its just not something i ever want to do anymore.
So iv succeeded in quitting smoking and now iv got the job of fixing my life which is a complete cock up, im sure its do-able now that smoking is out of the way, it was always easier to do that than anything useful. Thanks for your support everybody and all the best to those just starting out . it really is worth it.