Back to square one

So here I am. For anyone who doesn't know I did smoke again on Saturday night and have ploughed my way through a packet of 20 since then. No excuses, it was a wilful, malicious and self-destructive act. No nicodemons 'got' me, I chose to smoke. And the cigarettes were awful. No pleasure at all. And now I am just as frightened of quitting again as I was the first time round, especially as I have decided to go cold turkey.

I have had lots of support from the members here who know I smoked again and I will always be grateful for that, so thanks everyone. But at the moment I am really inconsolable that I threw away a 50 day quit. So for anyone out there contemplating caving in, or thinking 'just one', please don't do it, you won't enjoy it. Smoking really sucks. Put out my last fag nearly half an hour ago and my mouth tastes like an ashtray.

Hope I can do it this time round.

Best wishes to everyone,

Zoe xx

34 Replies

  • Hey Zoe - don't beat yourself up. I bet we've all done something like it in the past - I know I have.

    The important thing is that you're trying again.

    We're all in this together


  • We're all in this together

    Shit that is a quote from David Cameron:eek:

  • Hi Zoe, sorry to see you have smoked but what can I say that you havent already said, we all know how strong the urge can be and I am sure you had probably had a drink but no excuses will be excepted, you now need to say to yourself that hopefully you want smoke again, ever.

    I know its not easy but neither are all the things that go hand in hand with smoking, the list is never ending.

    Hang in there and CT is not so bad, I hope you have some back up at home, but if not you know we are all here for you.

    Trying and not beat yourself up too much, you smoked end of story you are now not smoking, so much more rewarding and your mouth will soon become clean again.

  • Hi Zoe

    I'm just glad that you thought it tasted awful rather than thinking "Sod it I'll carry on smoking".

    This is one of the hardest battles to fight and if we fall down along the way, as long as we pick ourselves up again and keep going that is what matters. I think some of us approaching Month 3 are now at that stage where it would be so easy to be curious, or to get mad and have one. I keep thinking it's going to happen to me soon and probably a feeling we will all go through. Don't feel bad, it's just one bloody awful off day! Put it behind you and look to the future and continuing your quit :) :D


  • Zoe the important thing is that you are trying again. I'm doing cold turkey and to be honest hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be, just keep the thought of your mouth tasting like an old ashtray and you will be fine :D Good luck x

  • Hi Zoe...

    Good luck this time round!! Sometimes I think we do need those gentle reminders in life so try and think of it as a positive reminder why you are quitting again!!

    Good luck :) xx

    Also I have cold turkeyed and I do think it is much easier and the statistics show it is the most successful way to quit

  • Zoe, you can do it. You've successfully reminded yourself that fags are just nasty. Next time the false memories sing to you, you have this experience to draw on.

    A year from now you'll be pulling up a stool at the penthouse bar, I know it.

    H x

  • Hi Zoe,

    I'm so happy to see that you've got back on the wagon straight away.

    I don't see it as you 'throwing away' your quit - one bad day doesn't mean that the 50 days before didn't happen.

    Obviously it's up to you whether you want to reset the counter (I think I remember this coming up in a thread before), but please don't see it as a completely 'lost' quit. It's only lost if you stop trying.


    Jen xx

  • Hi Zoe,

    Sorry to hear about your blip and it is only a blip, 20 cigarettes in 50 days is not ALL bad and you will have learnt a valuable lesson not to do it again.

    Do not beat yourself up - if anything you have proven to yourself how disgusting smoking really is.

    I think you will find it easier with CT - working well for me so far.


  • zoe

    whatever you choose to do CT or NRT , you are strong and I know you can do it. I've been there and I admire you coming straight back , so see it as a little slip. You've done so brilliant, keep going ....and forget about saturday.

  • Hey Zoe get your head out of the dawg house and fix your gaze on the penthouse, theres a drink and a barstool with your name on it.

    mash x

  • You're going to be ok Zoe.

    We're all with you on this.



  • Hi Zoe - the Nicodemon might have had his foot in the door briefly, but you can, and will, banish him forever. You've had 50 days of practice, which will stand you in great stead. Huge well done for getting straight back on here -



  • Good for you Zoe,

    Dust yourself down, head held high and back on the journey. You can do this, you've proved it already.

    Wishing you well,

    Gaynor x

  • Hey Zoe,

    Get right back on to the quit. You can do have a tonne of support here when you need it.

    Like Jen said, one night of caving doesnt make 50 days dissapear...not in my eyes...cuz those 50 are damn hard to get to...and you did it!


  • Hey doll,

    Just look at all these messages of support. You cannot let us all down.:rolleyes:

    NO PRESSURE!!!!........but...DON'T let us down:D:D

  • Here's looking at you kid....

    Well done on starting your quit again, really hard thing to do. Last time I gave up ona quit I smoked for another 2 years before thinking of quitting again.

    We've all have failed quits...everyone, I don't know of one ex-smoker that quit on their first go. So you've done great by picking yourself up and starting your quit again so soon. Cold turkey is fine if you can get past the first few days (and even then it's not too bad). Just keep thinking of getting through the next 5 mins, half hour, hour etc and soon you find three days have gone by!!! Good luck zoe, we all know you can do it and are here if you need us.

    Lisa x

  • Well done for getting back to quitting so quickly! :)

    Now, cold turkey vs Champix... is it too early to say which you prefer?

  • Hi guys and thanks for all the replies, it really does help you know, and you are ALL a real fab bunch xxxx So, I better get this quit back on the road smartish, cos otherwise, grumpie has told me that santa won't come :eek: but what does grumpie know....:p

    And I tell you what, my lungs are really kicking up, even after a short return to smoking, and here was I thinking they hadn't improved :o

    Haven't quite decided yet whether to CT, or start the Champix again, will see how it goes. Now the Champix is more or less out of my system I could have the occasional puff on an inhalator if I get desperate, it's amazing how quickly that darn craving kicks in again. So for anyone getting 'curious' or getting an attack of the 'just one's', dont do it cos it doesn't work, trust me, I am an nicotine addict.

    Think I needed this 'blip', 'relapse' or whatever it is called, as this was my first serious quit and I needed that convincer. So not gonna give myself anymore hard time about it cos I did 50 days, as has been said, so I know it can be done, even by me.

    And I need to get going quick too before:-

    Here's looking at you kid....

    Lisa turns into Humphrey Bogart LOL:(

    Guys, feel free to gag her if necessary and report back to me. Only kidding Lisa lol xxxx

    So, I'm starting to feel a bit more positive now, and normal service will be resumed as soon as possible, including SINGING LOL!!

    Love to all and thanks for being my mates,

    Zoe xxxx

  • Hey Zoe,

    Really glad you're back on track again. You had us a bit worried!!

    This place really is amazing for support - group hug! lol

    Don't go all the way back to day one - go back to the group that you rightfully belong in.



  • Hey Zoe well done, glad you're back :)

    You'll quit I have no doubt;

    "Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life."

    Yeah, yeah I know you quit again today but the quote kinda works....but I'm not hanging around, I'm off before someone gags me.

    Run, run as fast as you can,

    You can't catch me I's the Brummy wo-man!


  • LMAO Lisa :D

    Don't forget I'm a Brummie too :p

    Will still have you gagged if your not a Villa supporter though lol :eek:

    Now off to be naughty and cook myself a burger.... very healthy :rolleyes:

    Zoe xx

  • Bloody hell - Lisa has turned into Humph Bogart

    Trying to imagine it in a Brummie accent


  • Hey Zoe

    Dont count this as a quit that failed because it hasnt. You had a blip, had a packet of cigs then stopped again, its not like you completely folded for a couple of weeks or months. You know whats coming and I doubt it will be that hard for you to stay on the straight and narrow this time.

    Stay in your SSS group and just add a couple od days to your quit date.

    Lillie xxx

  • Another one here who thinks you still belong with us September Stoppers Zoe. I am leaving you in my signature where you belong - you can't get rid of us that easily lol :D

  • Welcome back Zoe :D

    My advice is not to treat this as day one, day two etc. This is not the same as when you first quit in September. Your body's "normal" is now not to have a bunch of poisons pumped in on a daily basis, which is why it has reacted to your blip.

    And you didn't smoke because you were craving nicotine - this was about something else.

    So yes, you have given those receptors a nudge, but if you stay calm, this doesn't need to be as bad as those early days of a quit. When I have lapsed in the past, I have smoked, then stopped, smoked then stopped until it works it's way back up to a regular habit. You can stop it in its tracks now. :)

  • Sorry to hear about your bad weekend Zoe.. Good to see you're back to it straight away!

  • Well done Zoe for quitting again so soon.... that shows enormous bravery. Huge respect to you. Don't be hard on yourself for caving in. You're in a better position than before now. You caved, and you didn't enjoy it. No more curiosity for you. Just don't forget. You've been though the worst before, and you know that you can do it again. My best wishes to you xx

  • Hey Zoe - sorry you had such a yuchy weekend. Bit of a bummer for you!

    But look - 50 days is 50 days and more than alot of people get to. So you had a blip - so what. You got back into the saddle straight away and that is what counts! Don't beat yourself up and shove yourself back into day 1 (I think your September crowd misses you) - just learn from it and carry on. No-one said this was easy and sometimes things just get too much.

    We all pulling for you! Keep positve and keep singing - you will get there!



  • Quick update

    Well I have managed to get through today so I am almost 24 hours into 'The Quit - Part II', phew. As has been suggested I am not going to post day 2, day 3 etc, as I haven't had nearly anything like those awful early days back in September. And today I have had my first cold turkey day :D So that takes away the worry of 'what will I do when I come off the Champix' that was plaguing me. If anything, I found it easier without it LOL:p Will miss those crazy dreams though :D

    Zoe xx

  • stuff the crazy dreams your quit is gonna be the best dream you could ever had it wll be better than beyond your wildest dreams be honest and tell me its not something youve wanted for sssooooo lloooong. HAVE IT.

    mash x

  • In the Same Boat

    I know how you feel, although I was only day 8, not day 50. I as well wish I didn't smoke, my mind made me believe that having that ciggie would be awesome, but in fact it was the opposite. Hopefully we can pick ourselves up again tomorrow, and as we have semi broken the habbit it hopefully wont be as hard as the last quit.

    Goodlick to you zoe

  • Goodlick to you zoe

    Sorry, "Goodluck to you zoe"


  • Hey Zoe, I really feel for you. How are you doing now? I know it's not much consolation but there are many of us, like me, who've been in that same position (I'm currently starting yet another Day 1). We've just got to draw a line under our failed attempts and focus on moving forward. After all, it only takes one successful attempt to become a non-smoker and you have to have faith that this time will be that last. You're not alone and you're only human. Be kind on yourself and keep looking straight ahead. Good luck to you!

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