Its the early hours of the morning and the beginning of day 13 for me. I have to be honest and admit that Im not coping very well. Im sleeping a lot during the day and not getting up till about 11 am. Im off work at the moment as Im recuperating from an operation so Im lucky that I can do that if I need to.
I have lost interest in cooking etc, I really cant be bothered with much, all of my energy is going into not smoking.
I was recently diagnosed with COPD, I have no idea what stage it is at, I'll ask when I next see my doctor. In order to boost my will power I did a search on the internet about COPD, I didnt realise it was as dangerous as it is. So now I know if I want to be around for a while longer and dont want to suffer a slow painful death, then a non smoker I must remain.
I just dont know how much longer I can keep up the good fight, it is wearing me down now. I wake in the morning and the first thing that enters my head is its day *whatever day it is* and I cant smoke today, thats all Im thinking all day, I cant smoke today.
Im sorry this is a miserable post but Im feeling really miserable. I know I cant smoke but I dont know how much longer I can do this.
If I do give in remember it was my weakness and it doesnt have to be yours.