The Wrong Picture

We all know the Serial Quitter; that person who is going to quit tomorrow, next week, next month... Next year? Well some time soon...

They have a stock of Niquitin minis, ten patches on each arm and one on the bum, swallow a load of Champix / Chantix, and suck ferociously on a super-inhaler containing pure oxygen. And that's when they're not chewing gum...

They go to bed early, get up late, inject themselves with fresh fruit juice and pray to gods that somebody will change their minds for them...

The only problem is, nobody is willing to step up to the plate and tell them that something is wrong with the whole picture...

What advice would you give to a serial quitter?

Alex.

37 Replies

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  • Good luck. Focus on yourself, be selfish this is about you and your quit. It can be done, millions of people have given up (that was a real motivator for me, gazillions of people can do it and I can't... Eh????)

    I could be condemning, but what will that achieve?

  • Errrrr is this a trick question? How about stop smoking.

    I know that when I was a smoker I didn't want to be told how to stop smoking, I knew how to do it I just had to not light up again, and if I had a pound for every time someone told me how to do it I would be very rich and still a none smoker.

    So why is it that when we are smokers we don’t want or need their advice, and yet as soon as we manage to quit we want to tell everyone how they should do it, was it that easy for us, and does quitting shorten our memories.

    This post is not meant to stir any one up it is just me thinking out loud, not meant to offend any one.

  • Completely agree J! It's amazing how after only a day or two of not smoking we all turn into an expert on giving up!!

    I really told myself that I would not advise, comment, become accusatory or anything else about smoking. I would be live and let live. Yeah right...!

  • Errrrr is this a trick question? How about stop smoking.

    Not a trick question at all! For every x many people who want to quit, there are y Serial Quitters. You know? Those people who whatever reason just don't seem to fit the mould as it were... What do we do with them? Banish them to Siberia? Dump them with the rotten vegetables? Somehow help them... But how? That is the question.

    Alex.

  • I don't think you have offended anyone Jam you are right just don't do it don't light up, and no I don't think it was easy at all, and nobody will listen until they are ready, I know that because I wouldn't.

    Maria. x

  • Not a trick question at all! For every x many people who want to quit, there are y Serial Quitters. You know? Those people who whatever reason just don't seem to fit the mould as it were... What do we do with them? Banish them to Siberia? Dump them with the rotten vegetables? Somehow help them... But how? That is the question.

    Alex.

    I know it wasn’t meant to be a trick question, but why do we get over and over again threads that although worded differently are all the same, in some ways this sort of thread could become very confrontational but because we all know there is no cut and dried, black and white answer we have to try in our own way to answer you, but we will all answer you differently and maybe not to every ones liking.

    Either way when someone wants to know how to quit they will ask I think, we will not have to tell them, and to be honest there is no one on the forum equipped to tell them unless they do ask.

  • I know it wasn’t meant to be a trick question, but why do we get over and over again threads that although worded differently are all the same, in some ways this sort of thread could become very confrontational but because we all know there is no cut and dried, black and white answer we have to try in our own way to answer you, but we will all answer you differently and maybe not to every ones liking.

    Either way when someone wants to know how to quit they will ask I think, we will not have to tell them, and to be honest there is no one on the forum equipped to tell them unless they do ask.

    What prompted me to write this thread was a personal request. I have no doubt that you will not cause it to become confrontational. I also have no doubt that between the forum members, we are equipped to provide the answers and the necessary support.

    I'm sorry if you're bored with repetition. I find it to be a valuable learning instrument.

    Alex.

  • It is if its constructive not destructive, so what exactly do you want to know and why, I thought you had quit and that this was to help the ones that struggle to stay quit.

    So explain clearer as I seem to have misinterpretted your question.

  • I have quit, seven months tomorrow (in fact today, congrats to me! :D).

    Please read the orginal post for the question. :confused:

    In a nutshell, what advice would you give to a serial quitter?

    No joke, no confrontation, no aggro.... No comprendo why my question seems so difficult.

    Alex.

  • Advice: well the battle is all in the mind. Get the mindset right and the rest will follow.

    To quote from SunTzu's "Art of War" (because this is a battle and one that can be won)

    Know your enemy

    In other words read, read, read.

    [INDENT]Then, eventually, maybe not the 1st time

    [INDENT]or 2nd

    [INDENT]or 3rd

    [INDENT]but eventually it will click into place[/INDENT][/INDENT][/INDENT][/INDENT]

    JMHO:D

  • It's a fair question. My advice would be much the same as Nic's - you can arm yourself with all the therapies in the world, and it's entirely possible they may help you greatly in your transition from smoker to non smoker. But you cannot expect them to change your mindset, remove your habitual behaviour or give you any self belief and that, ultimately, is what will keep you quit.

    You need to train yourself to be a non smoker. Make that your new habit. It's a big ask.

    At the end of the day we cannot be judgemental about serial quitting (or indeed, not quitting at all) because this is not an easy thing to do. From our lofty perspective of having succeeded (this far, at least) it's too easy to forget that a person's circumstances, personality, stability, environment might be making it a damn sight harder for them than it was for us. Respect the individual. Support their desire to quit.

  • when your desire to quit is stronger than your desire to smoke then you will quit....

  • when your desire to quit is stronger than your desire to smoke then you will quit....

    In a nutshell.

  • when your desire to quit is stronger than your desire to smoke then you will quit....

    absolutely agree

  • I agree too, positive mental attitude needed instead of moping and fixating about smoking

  • That's me!!!!!!

    I am a serial quitter! Augh and I am so sick of it!!!!! Have quit 50 times and only make it a month....but this time I am going to do it!!!!!!!!!!!!

    I look at my friend and all the wrinkles she has, yes I am vein, and her mom just got diganoised with COPD and she coughs sooooooooo bad, I don't want to be like them. I feel bad for using them as my example but not my excuse, I NEED to quit for myself and I know this, now I will dis-associate myself from them for a while and other things also.

    I think alot of my attempts before is that I didn't change my routine or anything so this time I have and the temptations have been less and less along with the craving, hmmm guess what people write is true lol!

    So, yes I am a serial quitter but hope to break the record.

    Mic.

    6-5-11 4pm

  • It's a fair question. My advice would be much the same as Nic's - you can arm yourself with all the therapies in the world, and it's entirely possible they may help you greatly in your transition from smoker to non smoker. But you cannot expect them to change your mindset, remove your habitual behaviour or give you any self belief and that, ultimately, is what will keep you quit.

    You need to train yourself to be a non smoker. Make that your new habit. It's a big ask.

    At the end of the day we cannot be judgemental about serial quitting (or indeed, not quitting at all) because this is not an easy thing to do. From our lofty perspective of having succeeded (this far, at least) it's too easy to forget that a person's circumstances, personality, stability, environment might be making it a damn sight harder for them than it was for us. Respect the individual. Support their desire to quit.

    Respect is the word that sticks out for me here. I did once quit for 2 years CT so I know I can do it. The last couple of years my longest quit has been just over 3 months. For me I have to feel really strongly, and well, strong for a quit to even get going, yet alone be succesfull. Having said that I have only managed the 3+ mark. I feel myself panicking before quit time and never get to the point of stopping even though I know from experience that I can do it. Each time I quit I have to gather new information or perspective as I have heard and read it all, something new gives me that kick start. What it has not doen is keep me on it. That has to come from me. Believe me, I am probably seen as a useless, can't do it serial quitter on here, I have posted enough, but I will do it. Those that know the 'real me' have faith in me and I am so greatful for that. Nothing in life is cut and dried or we would not need something like this forum. Sorry, I will shut up now.

    G xx

  • I may be classed as a serial quiiter. If you want to give me a name that may be it. I am not lacking in self esteam or achievements etc. I know I can quit, I have before. I know I can do this, that, or the other but when faced with it again, later in life it is a different story. I do beleive, that we can achieve what we truly want to achive. Sometimes we have have to be in the right place in our lives or feeling the right things. Sorry, that is a crap description. Depending on the situation and how strongly we feel about something makes the difference between achieving that and not. I have felt very strongly about a quit, sailed through it till the 3.5 month mark then failed. My stumbling block is the panic of actually starting a quit, just one more, one pack more, etc, etc. Pure and utter panic. Strangley enough, thinking back, i think there was not much planning in my 2 year quit. Just do it, with plenty of support.

    Whatever way we chose or try: if it doesn't work try another till it does. We will all get there and poke Mr nicodemon in the........................b.............eye lol xx

  • There is a tendency (not from this thread but in general) to think that serial quitters lack self esteem, aren't achievers in life and as Tracey said mope around fixating about smoking. I can't speak for everyone but the serial quitters I know (myself included) are not like this at all. Our lives are pretty much sorted in every other area, it's just this that we can't crack :)

    Just for the record, if it looked like I was implying any of the above, I wasn't - although I guess it might have read that way. I was just trying to say everyone is different, you can't know what's going on in their heads, so don't judge.

    Hell, I couldn't stop smoking for nearly 25 years, and I certainly didn't/ don't think I was some kind of screwup. Just didn't have my head in the right place.

  • G,

    I felt the same about dieting .... one more cake, one more mars bar, one more this and that and then I'll do it.

    At some point it (for a quit) will just click once more ... and hopefully stick.

    Education was the key for me ..... but only in maintaining my quit. Necessity saw it begin, head space was wrong and resentment was high .... but I did it :cool: Logic wins in the end. Also not wanting to go through all that crap again helps ;)

  • From our lofty perspective of having succeeded (this far, at least) it's too easy to forget that a person's circumstances, personality, stability, environment might be making it a damn sight harder for them than it was for us.

    Good post, Hels. Just to add to this and provide possibly an exception rather than the rule...if there is such a thing...we had a quitter coming through the forum who was serving in the Brit Army in a warzone. He made his year :cool:

    Respect the individual. Support their desire to quit.

    x2. That's what it's all about :)

  • Good post, Hels. Just to add to this and provide possibly an exception rather than the rule...if there is such a thing...we had a quitter coming through the forum who was serving in the Brit Army in a warzone. He made his year :cool:

    x2. That's what it's all about :)

    And we can only, all of us shout a huge CONGRATS for that. Makes all the things we blame for stalling or losing a quit a little sad I guess.

    G xxxx

  • I agree , Im a serial quitter , 10 times at least in the last year, i am in about the worst situation to quit , and theres nothing i can do to change it, i have at least 2 major problems with me all the time, and sometimes when more are added, it just makes everything so hard. but i dont want to smoke.

    i dont go out of my way planning quits , just do it over and over - this time i knew and i know its going to be nigh on impossible - which is a bad start for a start.

    dont know if ill ever crack this, but i know i wont if i dont try.

    life can be very tough, without giving up smoking too.I already suffer from stress and anxiety , and im sure theres plenty of people out there in difficult situations trying there bestest.

    dont knock us - thats all we need

  • I wasnt accusing any one person of moping or fixating - just generalising. This is my 4/5th attempt and my longest, even this time I have had a few days of depression, fixating and constantly thinking about smoking, feeling sorry for myself and then eventually buying a pack which thankfully I didnt smoke. I got back to the office logged on to whyquit (lots of positive stuff on there) came on here and had a moan and then adjusted my frame of mind back into a positive place. I guess I was lucky enough to do that

    I still find it a challenge at times (think it ties in with my hormones personally) and yes it would be so easy to smoke - buts its equally easy now not to

    Good luck everyone x

  • when your desire to quit is stronger than your desire to smoke then you will quit....

    If NSD had a like button, I would like this comment !!!!

  • But why??? I'm sure the member would be mortified if they thought their success was making someone else feel inadequate.

    TBH...think you're being hyper-sensitive here, Karri, and reading too much into Gaynor's comments.

  • TBH...think you're being hyper-sensitive here, Karri, and reading too much into Gaynor's comments.

    Ummm, I didn't mean anything at all by what I said :confused:

    I don't understand your response Karri :(:(

  • And we can only, all of us shout a huge CONGRATS for that. Makes all the things we blame for stalling or losing a quit a little sad I guess.

    G xxxx

    Yup I agree. Somehow my 'oh live's too hard to give up smoking now because I'm 3 ounces overweight" seems even more feeble when someone is serving in a war zone.

    Well done whoever you are - and I write as ex-Army myself, although in m day we only had NI to worry about.

  • A Dr who gives free advice about many things, heres his advice for people who find it harder to stay quit, I found it very interesting and I will save it to favs cause we never know do we.

    mindpub.com/art077.htm

  • Thanks for that link, very useful, especially as I've just submitted a post where I state 'I'd give anything' to be quit smoking for x length of time... Will focus less on the 'quit smoking' bit and focus more on the benefits for a change.

    Instead of "quitting smoking," desire clean lungs and clean breath. Desire stronger stamina, brighter teeth, spotless fingers, better taste in the mouth, food tasting better, extra money you will have for buying things you love to have, etc. Spell out the positive goals that you most care about. Those have to be the goals for which you will truly give anything. Then hold that desire in your mind, all the time.

  • A Dr who gives free advice about many things, heres his advice for people who find it harder to stay quit, I found it very interesting and I will save it to favs cause we never know do we.

    mindpub.com/art077.htm

    Wow, I think that article really hits home! Firstly, it reinforces my thinking that reasons for quitting are more important than willpower. Secondly it demonstrates very well that if we were inflicting the damage on anyone or anything other than ourseves, we simply wouldn't be doing it. That's reason enough!!!

    Thanks for capturing that gem, Jamangie.

    Alex.

  • Thanks - i read that , it was very insightful :)

  • We are really lucky that we have access to the internet as it holds a ton of useful information if we have the time and inclination to look for it, but also luckily on this forum there is loads that others have sourced and put on here for us, that’s why we say keep reading, its not all useful but there is plenty that is.

  • What an interesting thread Alex !, my reply would be...supportive.... you cant tell anyone how to go about quitting, the best way to do it or what method to use...The quit comes from within that person... There is no wrong or right way... Failing a quit isnt something that can be put right by anyone else but that person, no one can understand the feeling unless they have been there!.. why is it the wrong picture? that would be my question?

    Everyone sees the bigger picture who undertakes a quit, they can visualise what there life will be like long term from breaking the habit. of course a better life in every possible way. Failing dosnt mean that the picture is wrong, so what if the cupboard is packed with quit aids and making plans to quit ! ... :rolleyes: that person does not lose direction of there quit even on failing...... I havent got the answers, I dont think any one of us have, not really. I remember someone saying once that there is a quit in everyone. them words stuck. I stand by that, I think no matter how anyone starts, however long it takes, they will be successful! ......

    Soap box off now:D

  • I think I see whats missing from the picture now.

    You can have all the NRT products on the market, clear the supermarket shelves of snacks, read the entire internet to educate yourself and ask the entire poplulation for advice. This is good preparation but unless "you really want to quit" it is all a little hopeless.

    The difference between quitting because you think you should and actually wanting to is more than a fine line. It's a big enormous road and crossing to the other side takes more than a decision.

    I'm a serial quitter but not because I can't stop smoking, I'm a serial quitter because deep down I still want to smoke.

    I admire everyone on the forum who stops smoking for any period of time. When I wake up one morning and realise I want to stop smoking like all of you then I'll make it.

    Thank you for this thread Alex. Next time I post on the forum it will be for a genuine day 1 post and not a stab in the dark attempt at quitting x x

    Karri,

    Since I quit eight months ago, I discovered that wanting to quit is not enough. It's not just a question of wanting to quit and arming oneself with NRT and/or other devices, chanting mantras, hanging in there, and muddling one's way through the hard times until one comes out on the other side..

    So, I hate to burst your bubble; the magic formula is not "wanting to quit". Even the most hardened serial smoker's are convinced they have to quit, need to quit, want to quit. And yet, they smoke...

    The magic formula is understanding why we smoke and why we don't need to smoke in order to live happy lives.

    Gillian Riley wrote the best book I have seen so far, although it falls short on methodology, in my humble opinion. But, it certainly exposes many of the same thoughts I had about quitting prior to my "accident", illuminating thoughts while I was in hospital, and poignant arguments I had once I had already stopped... I only started reading her book six months into my quit.

    Why do I read books when I'm firmly decided on quitting? Because I care enough to understand different perspectives, and help other people to quit. Simple as that.

    Alex.

  • The book is called "How to Stop Smoking and Stay Stopped for Good".

    Some reviews here: amazon.co.uk/product-review...

    Alex.

  • i agree that the book works i read alan carr a few weeks into my quit and i truey believe it has contributed to my quit being successfull so far

    it lay's bare all the facts and myths and basically i see smoking for what it is

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