Mash here A good friend committed suicide so i took up smoking whilst in France miles from anywhere . no internet no where to run too. smoking seemed at the moment the only thing. Back home now exhausted wrecked and still on the tabs and well hooked into the habit/addiction again after quitting for six wks ish. im resisting quitting again cos i think i'll be overwhelmed by grief anger sadness and all that stuff. when i smoke i seem to be one step ahead of it if i stop it will catch up... Im not gonna beat myself up for starting again its just that smoking is how im coping at the moment sooo scared to let it go. but have the wish to stop. just scared of making that first move. done it before so can do it again... Mashx......... just realizedim ruining my new pink lungs.. think i'll practice some damage limitation..