It's been a while since I've really posted and unfortunately this isn't a particularly pleasant post. Last Thursday I had 2 cigarettes. I was drunk - yes, and it was silly but I can't blame either of these things because it's something I wanted to 'try' for such a long time.
The main reason why I'm posting is because I need advice from the oldies. You see - now more than ever - I am determined in my quit. What's more, I haven't even had a craving since Thursday (also probably because I spent Friday and Saturday feeling 'poisoned'). I had a drunk fight with my boyfriend on Saturday night and the thought of having a fag hadn't even crossed my mind.
Could it be that by having a couple I've realised that there's nothing 'magical' about it? That it's finally hit home that all I've done is put it up on a pedestal for the last few months?
By the way... in case any of you were wondering... the first one tasted like absolute heaven... then I had a second to get that 'feeling' back again and that second one made me feel slightly sick with none of the 'heavenly-ness'. This is around the point when I realised that the way the 1st one had made me feel was actually tingly, short of breath and slightly dizzy- who in their right mind would enjoy that?!! It's when I was considering having a third (even though I knew for a fact I would feel sick) that I realised I didn't want to be chasing that 'feeling' 20 times a day for the rest of my life.
So anyway, I know how I feel in my quit and I know it's a blip... but do some of the oldies have advice to offer in terms of why I feel so much more certain of my quit now? Or whether this might just be a false sense of security...?
Thanks, and sorry if anyone feels let down... I'm just going to go on with my quit as intended and not forget how easily the cycle can begin once relapses occur.