Unhelpful partners/husbands? Advice?

Hi all :)

I'm only on day 2.. but I'm feeling pretty full of willpower still, which feels good :) i have the odd ' argh i need to go outside and smoke' moments, which I am managing to dispell by cleaning or doing something fun with my toddler.

Question is- do you all have supportive partners? I live with my partner, and we have had a very rocky couple of years, and he was going to leave at Christmas. We've decided to have another try, and I don't expect hearts n flowers from him, but a little respect for the fact I'm trying to quit smoking would help!

Last night, on my 1st day, i was doing fine, and then he had a moan at me saying I'd be back on the cigs in no time, and then I'd look a fool in front of everyone( as I've told all my mates.. reason being the more that know, the harder it is to have a bad day!)

I wasn't impressed by his lack of faith( he is a smoker too) and turned it around as he'd told me he was going to stop too, yet came home reeking of smoke!!

I keep getting told I can't have patches as they're not cheap( but cheaper than smoking all week!!) and I'll 'probably fail anyway'

I am trying to ignore his remarks, but they actually hurt a lot, as this means a lot to me- am i over sensitive?!

I'm just wondering how many others have unsupportive partners, how you deal with it? ( apart from slap them?!!)

He was smoking outside the back door when i came down today- and although it's only my 2nd day, I didn't want to join him - :D:D

22 Replies

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  • Well done Minnie

    congrats On your quit so far. I think I understand about your partner Mines a bit the same. Over the last two years this has been my thired quit. Hopfully my last. He always quits just after me but not for long cos he thinks I dont know hes having sly ones. makes you laugh when the main reson we are quitting is money and his health (he has COPD) also he is the one out of work not me but hes the one smoking. HEHE. Just do it for your self hun we are the ones who will gain from quitting in the end. Also make his coments make you stronger and show him you can do it. The first week is the hardest and things start to improve big time after 72 hours. You stick with us babes and show him what your made of.Linda xxxxx

  • Yes its very hard to stay quit with a partner that smokes.My wife smokes not in front of me but I still smell it,but is very supportive of my quit.You are doing really well for not smoking and on day 2,keep it up and it will get easier and you will be stronger.It made me stronger when someone smoked in front of me.

    I did not like it but it happened all the time and im on month 16........good luck

  • Welcome Mini and congratulations on making the best decision you will ever make.

    Quite simply your other half is jealous. EVERY smoker wishes they were not.

    Educate yourself. Knowing why you smoked makes it so much easier to stay quit.

    Well done. Make sure you have the last laugh ;):D

  • My husband promised to quit on the day I did. Then, that morning he suddenly told me he was not mentally prepared. I was fed up with smoking so went ahead and stopped anyway but 4 weeks later he is still puffing and chuffing, in the shed, in the garage, in the back garden. He stinks. And I was very cross with him for not quiting. Especially after he has told me on previous quit attempts that I am the addict and that he could stop anytime.

    Now, I just feel smug. With a couple of angry moments which is the nicotine monster rather than how I really feel. He is supportive, as much as a smoker who wants to give up and is jealous you have done can be. But. Not. One. Puff. Be strong. Do it for yourself. Don't listen to his negative comments. He wants you to fail. He is jealous. He is an addict and you are breaking free. x

  • HI MINi,,stick yo your guns,,your o/h is jealous of you,deep down he wants to quit but has no will power,,my wife smokes,so i know how you feel ,,,mini my wife wants to stop but she says the time is not wright,when will it be ,,do as i did stop for your self ,no body slse,,by the way congrats on you quite,,you keep the faith tony keep:D:D:D

  • well said phil

  • Hi Minni

    Welcome and well done hun on deciding to quit the ciggys.

    I cant really add alot to what has already been said but stick to your guns hun, your o/h is no doubt feeling jealous that you have took control of your life and he is still a slave to the white sticks.

    I think you are doing fantastic and wouldnt let your o/h spoil this quit for you by not being supportive, just prove to him and everyone else that you can do it and do it without his support.

    Dee

    xx

  • Hi Minnie :D

    Day 2 is great well done you

    Afraid I can't really help or advice you on this problem as I have no partner or hubby but have read through the other's replies and I agree with them

    You carry on and do it for you

    Just hang in there you can do this with or without his support

    Good Luck

    Marg

  • My wife quit smoking when she found out she was pregnant, some 9 years ago. Since then I have tried and failed so many times that she became totally unsupported and sceptical of my efforts to quit. In the end her attitude didn't matter, what did matter was that I was giving up for me and I was determined to do it. Having been introduced to the "education" method here this quit has not and will not fail.

    Initially I didn't even tell her that I had quit, it wasn't until something like 3 weeks in that I mentioned it and even the then attitude was 'yeah well, whatever' once I had managed about 7 or 8 weeks she said she'd start to loose weight once I had quit for 4 months, I think she felt quite confident that she would not need to worry about dieting ;) Now I'm still going strong some 7 and a bit months in and know that I won't smoke again.

    Having said all that a 3 day diet when I hit the 4 month mark has fallen well and truly by the wayside, and apparently its not acceptable when she says "I'm so fat" for me to reply with "noooo, you're just cuddly" :eek:

    Stick with it, quit for yourself and don't let the attitudes of others hold you back from doing what you both want and need to do.

    Best wishes

    Nic

  • Hi MM

    seems to me you're answering your own question here ...

    What??!! Have we strayed back into the 50's or something - does he keep a stick as thick as his thumb ??

    Oh he is a firm believer in 'the man rules the roost'.. you wouldn't think he's only 38!!

    If you want NRT (though I suspect by the time you can act on this advice you'll have flushed all the nicotine in your body anyway

    I have one weeks worth( well, 5 days now) of step one patches I'm using- I bought them reduced months ago :)

    - but - go to your doctor - get it on prescription - far cheaper - or go to an NHS support group and get it for free,

    i can get these for free?/ Or even on prescription? Whoo.. that would help a lot!!! I had no idea!

    Life's too short to put up with crap like that.

    How true.

    You know, my dad being ill with cancer has made me stop and start to re-evaluate most things in my life- i told him I was 'getting rid of the rubbish in my life' ( I didn't just mean the cigs!) as I need to start doing things for me .

    Thanks Jim :)

  • When you quit the fags, then you gain freedom, courage strength, confidence, willpower and health-mentally and physically-HOPEFULLY ENOUGH TO QUIT THE OTHER CRAP IN YOUR LIFE-get my drift?;)

    well done on your quit so far:)

  • When you quit the fags, then you gain freedom, courage strength, confidence, willpower and health-mentally and physically-HOPEFULLY ENOUGH TO QUIT THE OTHER CRAP IN YOUR LIFE-get my drift?;)

    well done on your quit so far

    Oh I do ;)

    Thank you :D:D

  • Hi Minnie and welcome.

    My husband smokes (40 a day) and I know he will probably never stop. He wasn't very supportive of me at all at the beginning of my quit but as the days turned into weeks (yes it will happpen, I promise) he realised that I was absolutely determined never to smoke again.

    I think he's now quite proud of me in his own way, especially as the awful mood swings have subsided and I'm not yelling at him quite as much!

    As everyone else has already said, this is your quit and you must do it for you and no-one else. Likewise, you are the only one who can break your quit-no matter how much someone might like you to fail, they can't physically force you to smoke.

    The fact that my husband still smokes doesn't bother me in the slightest anymore and whilst I would be delighted if he wanted to quit, I know that is a decision he must make himself for his own reasons.

    Minnie, if you want help and support, you've come to the best place-stay strong, focused and determined, you can do this.

  • I'm just wondering how many others have unsupportive partners, how you deal with it? ( apart from slap them?!!)

    My partner was exactly supportive but he wasn't unsupportive either, he continued to smoke throughout my early wobbly days. Blatantly in some cases. it didn't get to me because i was quitting for ME. As long as you bear in mind that the other person is hurting themselves and only prolonging their own addiction you can get throught it. I am two weeks off a year and it is so easy now and i'm glad i didn't give in back then. Where would i be now?

    Bear it in mind that you are a happy non smoker and eventually you will believe it without trying and you won't go wrong :)

  • Hi all :)

    Question is- do you all have supportive partners?

    Hi Minnieminxz, Well done for seeing the light and stopping the cancer sticks.

    My answer to your question...

    My Husband is an occasional smoker he can take it or leave it but does like one most when having an alcoholic drink.

    After my failed attempt last year he didn't seem very confident i would stick to stopping.

    I didn't really talk about my quit to anyone when i started my Champix and no-one asked how i was getting on.

    My OH's parents smoke like troopers and everytime i have visited i always say how long its been since i stopped and how much money i've saved in my money jar.

    His Dad shows little interest and no support and his mum makes a halfhearted attempted at congratulating me but to be honest, i don't tell them to get verbal reward. I tell them because i know they are trapped in their addiction, just like i was, and they really could do with the extra money that stopping would bring -but they CAN'T BE ARSED. Bully for them. Whos smiling now...........:p

    My husband hasn't smoked for the last 2/3 weeks as his chest has been tight and he did have a slight infection. But i'm not sure if he will stop forever. He may have the odd one when drinking............

    He still hasn't said well done to me though.

    Looks like i'll be spending the money in my jar on just me then don't it....:D

    I have found all the support i need through this lot on here (and sarcasm BB)

    And tbh i don't need it anywhere else.

    Stay strong and trade in your OH for a new (supportive) one

  • Hi Minnieminxz,

    Looks like i'll be spending the money in my jar on just me then don't it....:D

    I have found all the support i need through this lot on here

    Stay strong and trade in your OH for a new (supportive) one

    :D

    I'm spending my 'wasciggycash' on me.. and my kids.. and definitely not him.

    This morning he asked me ' Do you have any cigarettes?'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Ermm.. NO!

    He got miffed when i snapped at him :rolleyes:

    Typical.

    Think i may buy myself flowers tomorrow :D

  • Hi Minnie :D

    Great idea flowers are always cheerful

    Hope this won't offend but does he take any notice of you at all and is he really worth keeping

    Big hug on it's way just for you :D

    Love

    Marg

  • Thank you Marg :)

    I wasn't offended at all.

    He's trying to quit now, and dealing with him grumbling about ' dying for a smoke' all the time is annoying- i got through those first days without any help from him, so I'm blowed if i should offer support to him now!

    I know that sounds mean of me, but why is it so much 'harder' for him to quit than me.. why are his cravings 'worse' than mine, it's a bit like manflu I think... LOL!!

    ( No offense meant to any men on the forum!)

  • You show him Minnie

    Hold your head up eye whos the smug one now.xxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • hi minnie,,no offense taken;) ,,i know were you are coming from,,my uh smokes and like lots of us on here dont get much support,,the best support i get is on here ,,we are like one big happy family on here,,none of us on here have ever met,,but we can allways say just how we feel,,and the help comes flying back to us,,,hope you know were i am coming from,,,SO I AM SENDING YOU ALL GREAT BIG HUGS :),,again we must all keep the faith tony and most of all keep:D:D:

  • Hi Minnie :D

    Oh Boy poor you is all I can say now he's decided to quit

    Like you I reckon its a man thing and no insult to any of the guys on here intended they are a great bunch always supportive when needed

    But you know how it goes

    We have a cold they at the least have flu

    We have flu they get pneumonia and so on at least in my opinion

    God help the human race if men had the babies [ok iI know one did a while back] but in general they don't

    Yes Tony I know just where you are coming from I can always go to Stuart but apart from him I rely on the people here for help and support we come here and rant and rave, laugh and cry and everyone rallies round just like a family and better than family for some

    Big Hug to you in return ahhhh that feels much better :D :D :D

    Love to you all

    Margxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

  • minnie..very simple....boot him out...he sounds like a selfish oaf...

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