Stupid day so far

Stupid day 4.

I hate that i both want to smoke and dont want to. I basically want to but i dont want all the crappy guilt and health issues.

If i smoked i'd be annoyed that i lost my quit, i'll be annoyed that i'm back to square 1 with regards to my fitness, i'll feel annoyed and guilty about the money i spent and i'll feel stupid cos CLEARLY it's the stupid choice. I'd have to quit again and go through the ever crappy day 2 again :mad:

And yet - i miss my routines, i dont like not being "allowed" to do whatever i want (and yes i know no-one is stopping me). I'm bored of it always being in my brain and the back and forth and the niggles. I know the only way to get past this is to wait it out. Did have one nice moment today on the way back from a picnic lunch where i realised i hadnt thought about smoking all lunch time.

Bored of being irritable though:(

Rant over - i know it's not very constructive of logically laid out, but needed to get it out of my brain.

10 Replies

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  • I've felt those feelings too. Rant away as often as you like, that should help some. It will get easier as time passes. Develop NEW "routines". Keep reminding yourself why you quit. Be strong.

  • And this is exactly the place to let it all hang out, Lulabelle :)

    I seemed to remember the internal arguments quite well and some vivdly. It's easy for me to say now that you have to discount those negativities and focus on just getting the days and weeks done. But that's what you have to do, although it's not just a simple thing such as that.

    The structure of your day should remain the same minus the smoking bit. But add in other aspects to fill in the gap that you'd normally utilise to poison yourself with smoking. Activities such as going for that picnic today show that life can be liveable without smoking...you have direct experience of that.

    You have been wanting this non smoking way of life and now you're creating it. Keep on focussing upon that, in short....

    ...keep on keeping on,

    Cav

    Edit: whoops, a slight bit of difference in Gerry's advice...although we are actually saying the same thing that you need to add new things.

  • Stay Strong

    Hi Lulabell i was just reading your post and noticed that you are not using any NRT. I know its not for everyone and i think you are doing really well. This is my 3rd and final quit and this is my 6th week. And believe me i also think about fags but i dont want one. Its all part of quitting the nicodemon as everyone calls it . But i would just like to say keep up the staying strong you will get there. J

  • Hi lula

    Sorry hun but I had to have a giggle!:D lI absolutely loved your post, it's not constructed it's just a brian dump and I love the truth and feelings behind it. It made me giggle because I had visions of you jumping up and down and getting all red-faced and cross with life! xxx

    Now, the serious bit. If you can get through Days 1 -3 and virtually Day 4 you can do this. Tomorrow will be easier. It really will. No it won't be a complete breeze, but it will gradually day by day get easier. Honest. It is so very much easier for me already, and I'm a newbie. I still get the gnnnnngngngnaaaargh feeling, but it really only lasts at most a minute or two now and responds when I use some old anglo-saxon words to tell it to go away!

    As for being bored of being irritable... hey revel in it. How often do you get to feel crabby and have a real reason - as opposed to being told by some bloo*dy man 'oh it's PMT' - aaaaaaaaargh how annoying is THAT!!!!!:mad:

    As Cav says so well; keep on keeping on!:D

  • Rant all you need, I hear so much of myself in your post but honestly smoking wouldn't change anything. Keep going! :D

  • Stupid day 4.

    i dont like not being "allowed" to do whatever i want (and yes i know no-one is stopping me). I'm bored of it always being in my brain and the back and forth and the niggles.

    hey lu, that struck a chord with me. It's exactly how I used to feel, and it's one of the major things that kept me smoking for years and years and flipping years. And at the beginning of my quit it was constantly on my mind, and I had to really battle with those thoughts of rebelling and chucking the quit. Like a few people on here. I thought I was some kind of special case and that I'd always feel that way, and that the state of non-smoking would be one of permanent misery.

    Now that I am a few months down the line, I examine my own feelings and realise that my hard work and mental retraining has paid off. Because I still don't like not being allowed to do what I want. But now I genuinely don't want to smoke any more. Sunny-weather-related urges notwithstanding: I don't want it. And it's not hard any more.

    So hang in there, because this state of mind awaits you too!!

    H xxx

  • update....

    ....oooo it got worse. Someone came up to my desk for s/thing and said "God, you stink of fags":mad: SO UNFAIR! And also impossible - all clean clothes/clean hair/clean body - just made me think "what's the f**ckin point?" (y'know apart from not dying early)

    THEN was on a work night out with obligatory drinking - v drunk and outside with a smoker who offered me a drag - somehow, and literally dont know how this happened...just said "nah".

    Thank you for all your responses to my temper tantrum....very VERY much appreciated:D

    You're so lovely - wouldnt have blamed you all for saying "get over yourself luv", but i am loving reading and re-reading the lovely things you did write:)

  • Sorry about the idiot with no sense of smell - grrrrr but an ENORMOUS HUGE well done on the 'nah' to the drag when drunk. AWESOME!:D

    You are so stamping on this! Keep up the good work and to hell with being grumpy, that's your right!

  • Hi Talien - yes i have read Allen Carr, it helped me get in the right frame of mind to stop - but finding it hard to sustain that feeling, even when re-reading it. i "know" that i'm not making a sacrifice and that i chose to do this so i must want to etc etc, i realise i WAS deluded - but kind of miss it in an "ignorance was bliss" way.

    Karri - thanks for hating on my behalf!:p It gets tiring on my own :)Unbelieveably a different person said today that my hair smelled of smoke. It's f8cking unbelieveable - the only way that could happen is if there is STILL smoke in the air at home from over 4 days ago?? Also all the more annoying because when i WAS smoking no-one ever commented - and i havent told anyone at work that i've quit.

    Dunno what's going on - unless my natural "smell" it fag-like??:eek:

  • I think Karri might be on the something.Are you sure they're not just trying to wind you up?

    There is absolutely no way you can smell of smoke now.

    Could it be that you DON'T smell of smoke and therefore smell different...??

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