challenging times

Wasn't sure whether to post today or not but here goes !

Have had a really bad few days, feeling really low. Everything coming out of my mouth was like something out of the excorcist - vile I have been. I have been short with everyone, argumentative, down - you name it. Due to not smoking, who the hell knows, I certainly havent felt like having one until today.

My Darling Husband, with nowhere else to turn, came on here for advice this morning. That was the final straw for me and the excuse I needed to stomp to the shops. Bought a pack of 10 (not my brand) and a lighter, stood in a side street like a loser and lit one. OMG wake up call it was vile, my throat hurt immediately and the smell:eek: I stubbed it out straight away, screwed up the remaining 9 and chucked them in the bin with my lighter. Spent the next couple of hours in tears (am now actually) for being so bloody stupid.

Going to have to shake myself out of this because two things are for sure I want to keep my marriage and I certainly do not want to smoke every again.

Sorry for the ramble but couldnt keep this to myself, have to work on my frame of mind and get some postivity back.

My best mate is a smoker at work and we have drifted apart since I quit. My Mum also smokes and I cant confide in her, I dont want her to think it is remotely difficult because she will never try herself. My other bestie has issues of her own so perhaps just feeling a little alone right now

Thank you Dale and Mod 2 for your private messages, much appreciated

16 Replies

  • Just want to send you a supportive hug really:) xxx

  • Great that you stopped in your tracks and chucked the rest of the pack and lighter away instead of smoking the rest.

    A bit of Junkie thinking probably got you into your buying predicament. Bad days happen to smokers and non smokers...but non smokers get through them by not having a smoke. You don't need them either to get through those times...that's the plain truth about it.

    But this situation of feeling isolated from your best buddies and your mother is something you should/could work on. In normal times it's great to have your best buddies to talk to...and your mam. If they have your best interests at heart, and they should because of the status you hold them in, then they could help with supporting you through these times. After all, you never know but they may require your support when and if they finally stop smoking.

    Well done for posting and using here to vent/rant. Fi Cox mentioned previously (I have been citing Fi a lot recently - she's a clever lady :cool:) to someone that they could pick one of their mates on this Forum and as long as both agree then PM/email for support through the really difficult times. Just a thought ;)

    Other than that...PMA to you, Tracey :)

  • Firstly Tracey I am so sorry you have been feeling so low, and so sorry that your OH was so upset the only thing he could think of was to come on here. Horrible for you both.

    A massive, huge, enormous congrats for chucking out the fags. That should show you how far you have come and how strong you are. I would never in a million years have been able to do that.

    Not sure of this will help your husband but is designed for the poor old non-smoking partner of the witch/bastard that is busy giving up.

    You say that you haven't felt like having a fag... could there be something else wrong? Would it be worth popping to the Doctor (God I'm starting to sound like an ad for the NHS!!!). I suspect it is the quit though. You're now on the 3 month (terrible threes perhaps?) and maybe this is the last stand by nicodemon?

    Anyway, you have coped magnificently, and I think to have a few puffs and then walk away is amazing. Can you take OH out for a drink tonight? I always take mine out for a meal when I want to discuss something serious - that way I can't yell and scream or throw plates around, and neither can he! :D Although he did walk off once leaving me to pay the bill and then walk home!:mad:


  • Thank you all sooo much, wish I could stop bloody crying !!! I do actually feel better, honest:D

    I think maybe I have been going around telling everyone how bloody easy it is and oh looking at me doing so well, when maybe sometimes it isnt so bad to admit you are not wonder woman and there are some tough moments rather than letting it all build up

    To all those starting out, please be assured this is only down in the dumps talking, not cravings, as soon as I lit that cigarette I realised that and stubbed the horrid thing out, its not the answer

    Maybe this rant and support from you lovely virtual friends is what is need, and a large glass of wine tonight

    To say sorry to hubby, I have just ordered him Sky Sports 2 for a month so he can watch his beloved Spurs tonight

    Thanks x

  • Angy, Cav, Dale & Handi thank you all - feels good to let go of some of the pressure and let my halo slip a little - I feel a better day coming along :)

  • I am glad you are feeling better now Tracey. Good for you for for destroying those fags and coming on here and sharing. If I had done more of that when I was wobblying I might still be quit :rolleyes:

    Hope you have a great evening and a MUCH better day tomorrow :D

    Gaynor x

  • You can do it Gaynor, I think we all have to let our guard down now and then and let it all out, do feel better (albeit a bit stupid/exposed) x

  • Not much I can add except this


    It's amazing what a roller coaster this quit thing is. You have to re-learn how to cope with all sorts of things without the fags. It can be tough.

    Tomorrow is another day.

    H xxx

  • Thank you Karri,

    Just back from walking the dogs and saw two beautiful stags in the field grazing, taking it as a positive, havent seen them in such a long time:)

    Thank you for the hug, just what I needed x

  • Oh Tracey how I feel for you sweetie. Just reading your post made me want to cry again (have also had the day from hell), it's just not fair is it when you've come this far - I really think you are right when you say it wasn't a ciggie you were after and that you were just having a down day - feel proud that you chucked the packet away. Your hubbie sounds so sweet and the fact he came on here does show he's supportive. I am sure mine would, but he has trouble with keyboards (he types so slowly and swears that everytime he goes on the computer someone has moved the letters round:))

    Glad you are feeling a bit better now. I am going to have an early night - find that it helps to get away from noise (hate the tv sometimes!) - and it will keep me away from the rather nice bowl of fattening chocolates!!



  • Hi Flossie

    Sorry you've been having a rough time too. It doesnt feel like a desire for cigs, just down in the dumps, enjoy your early night - once we've cracked this we will start a weight loss forum, one step at a time though eh? ;)

  • Hi Tracey.

    Sorry to hear you've been having a difficult time lately. But it seems like you've pulled through. You did so well to stub out that nasty fag and throw the rest away. It just shows that you really do have the determination to suceed.

    Hope you have a better day does get easier, promise :)

    Rachel xx

  • Hi Tracey,

    Just checking in, hoping that today is a better day for you :)

    Lu xx

  • Hiya Lulabelle, I think its going to be fine, did a lot of talking last night and today feels much clearer - the sun is shining. Hope you have a fab day too:D

  • So sorry I didn't see this, I haven't been on so much for the last few days as things aren't great here either. I haven't given in and won't give in but I really miss smoking at the moment. I am not sure if it is the better weather or what but I just want to smoke. I just don't feel like me anymore and think to myself I will just smoke and be happy but I know that isn't the answer and won't change a thing. The weight gain just makes me even more peed off as none of my summer clothes seem to fit anymore :(

    Anyway I hope today has been a better day for you

  • Chrissie

    Honestly I have been so out of sorts, convinced everyone at work hated me, so vile to my husband, snappy and horrid. Total meltdown 2 days ago, cried like a baby. Today well different person, calm, happy and so glad I didnt smoke the fags I bought. I think it was (I hope) my point of accepting thats it, this is for real.

    Please just rant, cry, shout or do whatever it takes to get you through this, if you want to talk pm me and i will give you my number. You can get through this spell xxxx

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