This is going to be one tough challenge... - No Smoking Day

No Smoking Day

5,207 members32,485 posts

This is going to be one tough challenge...

15 Replies

My girlfriend of nearly five years has been desperately "under-employed" for months now (she's a freelancer). She took on a job search about 2 months ago to become a regular employee with a salary and benefits.

She's sent out dozens of resumes, and had three first interviews, but never heard back from anyone. Until today, when she got an email from one of these employers telling her they are prepared to make her an offer next week.

Good news, right?

Wrong. This organization is in Nevada, specifically 525 miles from where we live now. If she takes the job (and she really has to - she's pretty desperate), she will have to move there.

I can't move with her. I too am a freelancer and my clients and contacts and reputation is all right here where I've lived since 1974.

If ever there was a so-called good excuse to cave in and get me some cigarettes, this is it. My whole world has just turned upside down.

Ever have one of those times when things go so completely badly that you say to yourself, "I've EARNED this cigarette!"

Well, that's how I feel right now. After 268 days without a smoke, I really, really feel like having one right now.

I know, I know. It's a pity party, and having a cigarette (or 2, 10, or 20) isn't going to help; it will only make things worse.

I came here instead, like I did when I first quit and things got tough. My GF and I are getting together tonight to talk all this over. I'm NOT looking forward to that.

Nor am I looking forward to spending Christmas alone, for that matter.

But it is what it is.

Quitting smoking doesn't mean everything else in your life is going to work out the ways you'd like it to. You are still the same person you were before, with the same problems you had before, except you can breathe, you don't stink, and you have a few more dollars in your piggy bank.

God I'd like a smoke right about now!!!

15 Replies
nsd_user663_53658 profile image
nsd_user663_53658

Aww DGee, I'm so sorry to hear your news love, you must feel all off balance right now.

You're right though, smoking never solved a flipping thing.

I know you'll hang in there DGee, you're way too strong and much too close to the penthouse to give in now chuck.

I'm thinking of you and good luck for tonight.

Molly x

nsd_user663_53617 profile image
nsd_user663_53617

Oh DGee sometimes life just gives you a bit if a slap doesn't it? Coming and posting on here shows you don't really want to smoke, but it's our sub conscious playing its devious tricks again allowing you to justify smoking. Don't, you'll just feel worse, but you don't need me to tell you that.

Big hugs, I really hope things work out for you and you can find a way forward x

nonico profile image
nonico7 Years Smoke Free

8 hour drive

Hi DGee

Sorry life is being so hard for you.

I have been sitting here doing some conversions - America uses Imperial measurement; Australia's metric - so I had to convert before I could assess the distance which is about 845km.

So, that means your girlfriend will be about an 8 hour drive away. You could each drive 4 hours ( or catch the bus or whatever ) and spend the weekend at the 4 hour mark. The money you save from not smoking will cover your travel costs.

The reason I immediately started thinking like this is because this is exactly the situation I found myself in, as a teacher, many years ago . I was transferred to the country - 1300km away - which was a 13 hour drive. Some people in the same situation would just hop on a bus and sleep until they reached their destination. Being 8 hours, it can be done in a weekend. I know it's not a great way to live, and she may have to work weekends, but I just thought I'd tell you about my experience.

Popo72 profile image
Popo725 Years Smoke Free

Dgee,

This is the way I have always worked. My wife and family are back home in Scotland and during the week I am in London. I travel home on a Thursday.

Just a few weeks ago you posted how terrible it was and your girlfriend was talking about 'checking out' and you felt you needed to smoke. Surely the current situation is better than it was then. There are now more positives than there was then.

I know one thing for sure. Smoking will not change your employment status, nor will it magically transport you 600 miles.

Personally I think if you guys want to make your relationship work you will find a way. There is also families much worse off where one partner has to work away for a month or more at a time. And they make it work just fine. And some of them don't even smoke. Just like us.

Paul

Unah profile image
Unah

Well said Paul. My husband was in the navy and sometimes we were apart for a year at a time. My son lives in NZ and works in Singapore. He has a young family and can't get home to see them very often. So you'll spend Christmas alone. Big deal. You me and millions of others.

As Paul said, last month you wanted to check out so now there is a light at the end of the tunnel but you have decided you don't like the light.

All the smoking in the world won't make anything better. Look on the bright side. Roads are good in America, gas is cheap and the money you are saving will pay for that. Look on it as a temporary measure and plan for the future.

Consider yourself well slapped with an enormous fish:eek:

nsd_user663_52535 profile image
nsd_user663_52535

DGee

If you have a good relationship, things will work out.

In this economic climate, people just have to go where the work is, and if that means a couple has to be parted/live apart so be it, simples. (same as if you smoke you smell - simples!)

My own circumstances. My DH has worked offshore all our married life, and missed so much our our children growing up, and so many family events, some happy and some sad. (This scenario happens all the time, all over). Latterly, in the past few years, he has stayed and worked in Dubai (so had some great hols there). Not ideal, but worth it, and I love him all the more for working so hard for his family. We are all fortunate to have had a relatively good lifestyle because of his job. DH now home indefinitely and things in Oil Industry quiet, so to reiterate, grab work with both hands.

Hope things work out OK for you and your GF DGee cause you sound like a really nice person.

Fi x

So what's all this I'm getting, tough love?

Sweet Cheeses!

Of COURSE I wrote about me. I'm the one going through a quit, and I was trying to describe what I am currently going thru.

I know that many couples have it worse, or live apart, or overcome bigger challenges. Does that mean I shouldn't post unless my challenge is the biggest ever?

Sweet Cheeses!

This post was about how strong my urges came back, after all this time, as I thought about not having the woman I love, my best friend, here with me.

Of course I want her to be happy, to be successful, to come back from the abyss she's found herself in. I'm thrilled for her and have told her so.

I was simply trying to describe how strong my urges came back. If not wanting to live alone is being selfish, then I'm guilty as charged. If wanting the woman you love to be with you, then lock me up and throw away the key.

Sweet Cheeses!

I'm sorry I wrote my post.

I'm sorry, but wanting a relationship to be local just seems like such a good thing, and I've had "long-distance relationships" in the past. Yes, they CAN work, but by and large, eventually, they just DON'T.

Sorry I bothered you all. Well, not you all, but some of you.

Last I'll say on the subject.

Thanks for the support. :mad:

Unah profile image
Unah

DGee

Latterly, in the past few years, he has stayed and worked in Dubai (so had some great hols there).

Fi x

Fi, we lived in Sharjah for 8 years. Still go to Dubai every year.

nsd_user663_52535 profile image
nsd_user663_52535

Fi, we lived in Sharjah for 8 years. Still go to Dubai every year.

Una

You've certainly seen the world, maybe you should finish that book. When where you in Dubai Una? My husband first went there to work on a rig about 34 years ago when it was all desert.

Love Dubai, and was lucky enough to visit Will (my husband) many many times. Have to say find it a bit surreal, and I preferred Oman, we went there for weekends, just more laid back.

One thing that upset me in Dubai was the poor guys working 12-14 hour shifts doing building work in the seering heat working for pennies to send home to family. We apparently spend more on a meal than their whole months wages. On the other side of the coin, they see it as a stood living, and make so much more money than in India.

So Una, have you ever been to the Karama and been taken upstairs to a back room to look at handbags!

Fi x

Unah profile image
Unah

Una

You've certainly seen the world, maybe you should finish that book. When where you in Dubai Una? My husband first went there to work on a rig about 34 years ago when it was all

So Una, have you ever been to the Karama and been taken upstairs to a back room to look at handbags!

Fi x

Lol Fi, we went 34 years ago, in 1978. Small world. I think I preferred it when it was all desert but I still have a week there on my way back from NZ every year. I was there in March.

I've been to Karama. Don't like it much. I didn't go upstairs to look at handbags. I'm much more interested I gold and diamonds:D:D:D

Unah profile image
Unah

So what's all this I'm getting, tough love?

I was simply trying to describe how strong my urges came back.

Thanks for the support. :mad:

Tough love is what it is. If you act like a spoilt little boy, you'll get treated like one.

You weren't trying to describe how strong your urges were. Your post was all about poor me, I'll be all alone. You expected sympathy didn't you? When you ask for help you don't always get the kind you want.

Popo72 profile image
Popo725 Years Smoke Free

So what's all this I'm getting, tough love?

Sweet Cheeses!

Of COURSE I wrote about me. I'm the one going through a quit, and I was trying to describe what I am currently going thru.

I know that many couples have it worse, or live apart, or overcome bigger challenges. Does that mean I shouldn't post unless my challenge is the biggest ever?

Sweet Cheeses!

This post was about how strong my urges came back, after all this time, as I thought about not having the woman I love, my best friend, here with me.

Of course I want her to be happy, to be successful, to come back from the abyss she's found herself in. I'm thrilled for her and have told her so.

I was simply trying to describe how strong my urges came back. If not wanting to live alone is being selfish, then I'm guilty as charged. If wanting the woman you love to be with you, then lock me up and throw away the key.

Sweet Cheeses!

I'm sorry I wrote my post.

I'm sorry, but wanting a relationship to be local just seems like such a good thing, and I've had "long-distance relationships" in the past. Yes, they CAN work, but by and large, eventually, they just DON'T.

Sorry I bothered you all. Well, not you all, but some of you.

Last I'll say on the subject.

Thanks for the support. :mad:

DGee,

I was hoping what you would see is the positive situations where people have made it work with a little bit of distance/absence and maybe get an appreciation for the good things going on and give thanks for what you have...and not wallow in self pity...

But because people didn't get all 'oh shame for you' and wallow with you... You seem to be disappointed... I think people are trying to be pretty positive about a not entirely abnormal situation in the current economic environment.

It seems that getting a bit down is a trigger for you... And I think people have tried to show you a way to keep chipper about it it all...so you don't got back to smoking.

I think maybe as well at this time of year when people minds turn to absent loved ones or loved ones gone you are pushing it a bit looking for sympathy about a 600 mile parting.

That's my two cents.

Paul

DGee,

I was hoping what you would see is the positive situations where people have made it work with a little bit of distance/absence and maybe get an appreciation for the good things going on and give thanks for what you have...and not wallow in self pity...

But because people didn't get all 'oh shame for you' and wallow with you... You seem to be disappointed... I think people are trying to be pretty positive about a not entirely abnormal situation in the current economic environment.

It seems that getting a bit down is a trigger for you... And I think people have tried to show you a way to keep chipper about it it all...so you don't got back to smoking.

I think maybe as well at this time of year when people minds turn to absent loved ones or loved ones gone you are pushing it a bit looking for sympathy about a 600 mile parting.

That's my two cents.

Paul

There's something about a good night's sleep that is very therapeutic. :)

I went to bed last night, after this thread fiasco, feeling righteous indignation and quite sorry for myself.

How dare they! I thought to myself. Why are they responding like this? Can't they send the same message in a more tactful, less in-your-face way?

That's how I felt. I even vowed never to show my face in the forum again. That'll teach 'em, I thought. :o

Well, eight hours of sleep later, and a willingness to look in the mirror and see myself more clearly, and I get it. I do.

While I still wish some of you had put things a bit more, shall we say, gently, that's my problem, and I'll get over it. What's more important is that I was given some great gifts in the form of honest feedback from people I'll never even meet, most likely, in real life and that feedback has me doing some good reflection.

I won't go into all the details, but I realize that I'm not in as bad a place as I'd thought, I can handle this challenge just as I've handled the others that have come my way since I quit, and that wallowing in self pity and woe is me isn't going to solve anything (or attract many hugs, either, for that matter!).

So I'm writing this to thank you all, each and every one, for taking the time to add your two cents. I haven't smoked, and in fact, as I think about it now, the idea of smoking (the urge to smoke) didn't come up ONCE last night when I spent a few hours with my GF, processing what's happening for her, for me, and for us. Not once.

Are we good now? Can I show my face after this? Can I have a mulligan for this thread? ;)

Popo72 profile image
Popo725 Years Smoke Free

Dgee,

Sleep does make every thing much better. I really would slap you with one of Una's wet fish if it means you do not pick up another smoke and if you haven't then that is good. And sorta the point of this forum... You posted you was thinking and people started dishing on you to try and snap you out of the urge to smoke... Hopefully it worked a little... :)

You sound in a much better place and like you are maybe seeing ways how this distance thing might work for you guys... That is great.. And I am glad your still smoke free.

Well done... Keep the chin up and don't be letting things you cannot control be driving you towards using the nasty smokes again...

Good job,

Paul

Unah profile image
Unah

Of course you can have a second chance. You can have as many chances as you want. Good to see you in a better frame of mind:) Looks like I'll have to keep the fish for somebody else. Hope everything works out well for you.

You may also like...

Month 3 - tough one!!

'vivid smoking dream' I have had a fair few major, long lasting craves. In the middle of one...

Is it tough?

quit smoking OR tell you it's heart disease which you know you deserve with the amount you smoke....

One Year today - Go me!!!

and hated my job. Now i'm smoke free, got rid of the fella and have an excellent new job. I know...

Going to be day one! ( After midnight )

care about it that much, like you all..But now i see the dangers of smoking when i look at the...

newbie, second time of quitting and a smoker who is going crazy on day one...

starting a new job on august 28 and I really wanted to quit before I turned 30 and started my new...