Help - Coping with not smoking and stress

Hi,

I am new to the forum but am 3.5 months into quitting smoking, have smoked 20 a day since I was 14, am now 35.

I thought the first few days\weeks would be the hardest part in regards coping but I seem to be struggling more than ever over 3 months in! My main problem is stress and anger, I seem to flip my lid at the most stupid little things and go into a rage over nothing. I fell generally unhappy most of the time and 'miss' smoking more than I ever thought I would, I don't crave it as such but it's like an empty feeling I can't explain. My main problem though is controlling my stress my wife, who happens to be 9months quit herself has been taking the brunt of it and has now even said I should start smoking again to deal with it. I don't want to smoke again but I don't feel I can carry on like this for another day let alone few months, help :(

8 Replies

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  • Hi steve and welcome to the forum well done on being over a quarter of the year smoke free :D and im sorry to hear that your having probs with stress and anger probs :( not good ive not been given up as long as you but there are some wonderful people on here that have been through what you are and will come and give you some good advise so hang in there also if you go to some of the different threads and read what people have written and also some of the links are really good to

    once again well done :)

    regards carol

  • Hi and welcome to the site. You will find some great advice and support here.

    You are currently in your terrible 3's stage. have a read of this talesfromthequit.com/the-te... Lots of people on here have been where you are and come out of the other side so it can be done!!!.

    Try, if you can, to find another stress relief. People who don 't (and never have) smoked cope with stress without shouting at everybody so it is possible.

    I believe the anger in you probaly stems from resenting stopping smoking to a certain extent (I may be way off but this is what I have learnt from my previous failed quit) when you get stressed you want to smoke, realise that you can't cos you have stopped and then get even more angry. Then you get more angry with yourself for getting angry and the cycle continues. This carrys on till one of 2 things happens. 1, you smoke, worst possible solution. 2, you realise that you don't need a smoke to calm down, that realisation in itself will be enough to calm you.

    When I failed last time I quit it was becuase I was shouting at my kids loads, was really angry most of the time and thought myself an awful person. I look back now and know it is because I couldn't let go of the thought of smoking to calm down and once you have that thought the old addiciton kicks in and is like 'yeah, smoking will solve everything, you will be a nice person again'. No you won't, you'll just be a regretful smoker once more.

    Not sure if my ramblings have helped at all but this is just my previous experience of being where you sound like you are.

    Good luck

    Sian

  • Yes, the terible 3's is something that really excists. At my 76th day of quitting i lighted smoke..but i quickly got back to my quitting routine...So beware of the 3's theory..it's true.

  • When I failed last time I quit it was becuase I was shouting at my kids loads, was really angry most of the time and thought myself an awful person. I look back now and know it is because I couldn't let go of the thought of smoking to calm down and once you have that thought the old addiciton kicks in and is like 'yeah, smoking will solve everything, you will be a nice person again'. No you won't, you'll just be a regretful smoker once more.

    This is exactly what I am going through now, my daughter whose a handful anyway causes me to lose my temper then my wife then gets involved I get stressed etc... etc... all over something stupid. Where I would previously have shrugged my shoulders and sloped off for a fag I am now having to deal with it and failing miserably, this is when the thoughts of sod it I was better off a smoker are at there worst and if it wasn't for the fact the darts was on and I had a couple of beers last night I would have been smoking again :mad:

    Having read a few similar posts from other people I realize it's not just me and I do actually feel better about staying quit, I just hope it gets better sooner rather than later for my family's sake as much as my own!

  • I just hope it gets better sooner rather than later for my family's sake as much as my own!

    Your family would rather have you grumpy for a bit now, than dead 20 + years before you had to be and lose all that precious time you could have together.

  • Hiya Steve, first of all well done on your quit and I'm sorry to hear you're having a bad time.

    I totally agree with Sian that you're not 'enjoying' your quit as you should be and that this will inevitably lead to one of those two scenarios.

    It's sound cliche but you really do have to look at the positive side of it, if you carry thinking about how much u 'miss' it then you'll be having a constant battle with yourself about smoking!

    The good news is that there is loads of information on here that can remind you of how great it is not to smoke.

    Stay strong!

  • Just an update if anyone ever reads my original post and is having a similar experience, it does get better :D

    I am now nearly 6 months in and the last month or so things have gotten a lot better. I still get the occasional rage moment but I find I am coping with it better and able to deal with it rather than just losing the plot entirely! I guess what I am trying to say is stick at it and don't give in, it will get better and you will be so glad you didn't go back to it!

    This forum has been a great help reading others experiences and I know I am not out of the woods yet but I really can't see myself smoking again, so thanks all :)

  • Hey Steve! Thanks for the update, great to see that you're still with it and thanks for coming on here to prove that it does get better for anyone struggling right now :)

    I hadn't though of looking back at old posts... Think I'll take a trip down memory lane soon!

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