bad times

hey everybody just checking in - am finally in month 2 - it feels like it took an eternity to get here since i completed 4 weeks on monday. As some of you will know have had a difficult week - got made redundant monday, OH fell out with me and we havent spoken since.

But normally i would be in such a state that the only thing to calm my nerves would be to chain smoke. STill havent had one - havent really thought bout having one - its just that urge when you think to yourself - i should be doing something now, like youre hand is missing something. OH is testing my patience - he still smokes so has started leaving cig packets round the house this week. Either on purpose to wind me up or purely just laziness. Am sat in study now and on my desk there were a packet of 20 cigs ashtray and lighter next to the laptop. was not happy cos i banned smoking from our house and to prove a point i took them all out of the packet destroyed each one of them and shoved the back in ashtray. He'll think twice before leaving his precious cigs around the house now. Not very supportive either!!! Dont understand men and never will but cest la vie!!

Anyway rant and rave is over - sorry for moaning on here bout private stuff its cos my family and friends will be very anger at OH if i tell them whats happened.

Anyway trying to stay strong and felt damn good to crush those cigs in my hands. Am having a few days with my sisters and nieces so it will be nice and cheer me up. Wont have to worry about trying to hide away from my two darling niece when i smoke so they dont see. if they used to come up to me to get me to join in a game i'd have to say ' stay back angel aunties been dirty'' So dont have to see that disappointed look on their faces anymore.

Thanks for being there to put up with my neurotic tendencies

Amy x

6 Replies

  • Dont you dare delete it Amy as thats how you were feeling when you wrote it and you cant alter the past can you, you just have to move into the future feeling good about yourself.

    OH maybe doesnt realise how hard it is to quit especially if you have a smoker around you at the time making it even harder, so you stay strong and let him commit suicide if he wants to.

    Have a great weekend and enjoy the chance to be smoke free in more ways than one.

  • Sorry its been so rough on you :( I hope life will get better soon!

    Wow I could never be that strong with cigs in the house and ashtray and lighter right there, no way. Well done!!!!

    Not sure how to evaluate your OHs behavior, almost looks as if he is jealous of you and your quit. Very stubborn and childish behavior.

    Understand men? LOL.... right ;)

    That is going to be so cool to be around the kids without worry and guilt, enjoy the feeling, you've earned it!

  • Very tough week there... I found between hitting month 1 and hitting month 2 it was really difficult and time went by really slowly so give yourself a massive pat on the back for making it through!

    I think you should be so proud of the fact that you're learning to deal with different situations without reaching for the fags and that is really so impressive. Lately I've honestly come to believe that quitting smoking seriously builds character (fair enough, maybe smoking took away our courage to begin with but it feels great to get it back!)

    I'll tell you what else will feel amazing? Being around the kids :) I think lots of smokers lie to themselves about the harm that could potentially be done to children through passive smoking... it's only when we see what smoking does to ourselves when we realise what their little lungs must feel like!

  • Thank guys for your quick replies - took myself away to have a bath to try and calm down. Hot soak is a miracle cure for all things and one thing that helped me get this far in my quit!!

    Notme and jamangie - thanks alot for the support - think my OH is a little jealous - he has never once tried to quit in 6 yrs weve been together. Never even tried to miss one cig. So maybe a little bit of childish petulance is coming out now we've fallen out.

    SLB - thanks for your encouragement and i think youre right about kids - even though i have never smoked around them there was still smoke on my clothes breath etc and i have caught them standing there watching me smoke and having a look of confusion and curiousity on their faces. Dont want my 5 & 2 yr old nieces to ever see me do that again - i am their role model!!

    Have become alot more reflective about life in general since i quit - maybe its because you realise that if you can change one thing in your life - ditch the cigs - then you can change anything else you want. Its quite crazy to think that you get set in your ways and life rushes past day after day without you really getting time to ask whether or not your happy and doing what you were meant to do!!

    Been thinking about what motivated me to start smoking originally so i can try and get some closure mentally. My parents got a divorce and i knew they hated smoking so much so i started smoking in front of them. and do you know what - neither one of them dare say anything about it to me. They knew it was cos of their stress. Been smoking ever since - childish rebellion even though i was 18 at the time!! But its me that will get cancer and its me that panicks that i cant breathe properly sometimes when im laid in bed.

    Do feel better now guys - have vented!!! I know in my heart that this quit is for good. i have done it for me this time. no matter wat life throws at me i have to learn to cope with it some other way. I agree, SLB - think quitting does build alot of character.

    Stay strong everybody - we WILL all get to the penthouse.!!!!

    Thank alot amy x

  • Notme wish there was a Allen Carr book called easy way to understand men!!! lol x x

  • Hi,

    I am so glad you are feeling better, it can be so hard and life can be so difficult at times. I agree with SLB, once you have quit you can utilise the strength needed to approach anything! It is all just a case of mental games with yourself.

You may also like...