It's a long time since I've had a bad day, but today was a BAD DAY

*disclaimer* - new quitters, don't be discouraged by this post. I've been doing just dandy for months now. Nearly seven months quit and very happy. Just need to get this out of my system!

Oh bad bad bad day. A lot of stress, money worries, am holding auditions for the next play that I'm directing for my company and nobody came, which was humiliating and worrying, and the lead guy I already cast has just been diagnosed with cancer and can't do the show at all, so I'm really upset about that. My mum is poorly, my brother has just announced to the family that he's alcoholic, I have raging PMT, and I had a drink this evening to drown my sorrows after the disastrous audition turnout.

Anyway, I've thought about smoking constantly all day, been desperate to smoke at certain points. Left the pub this evening and was standing in Tesco's and I was a gnat's chuff away from caving in, making all sorts of excuses in my head for getting away with it. I actually don't know how I managed not to. In the end I told myself that if I still felt this way tomorrow, I'd have one. And I went home. But I still want one now!

Just shows that the addiction can leap out and throttle you even seven months in.

I'm sure this too shall pass. Just thought I'd feel better if I wrote about it. Thanks for putting up with my rant.

16 Replies

  • Its okay, you didnt do it!


    Issues started me back in my 20's and here and there ciggs, now here i am. Dont waste another part of your life.Youll be better off without'em. I am finding ways to give in and when I think about giving in, i get scared. Becuase ciggaretts have had a grab on me. I dont mean to go on a tangent and dont want to. Find other means, a coffee. Dont do it!

  • hey hels

    bad days still come and bite us on the bum

    i have had it cross my mind now and again to just try one or a few puffs and thats without all the stress u have

    but we stay strong and so will u i just know it

    we have come to far to go back and remember those early days we dont wanna do them ever again

    have a good sleep and rest and tomorrow is another day and cigarettes will not chaange any of these situations u have at the moment it will just add another massive bunch of emotions

  • Sorry you had such a tough day, hope tomorrow goes better for you. Massive congrats for getting through it without smoking, you got tested and won. I had a big bad crave too around 7 months, hit out of no where.... trust me I am way glad I stuck with my quit back then. I can tell that you're not going to give in so just giving you a pad on the back, well done! ;)

  • Hi Hels,

    I've been having a bad week at work and yesterday I'd made up my mind that when I left work I was going to go score some tobacco and smoke it and to hell with my quit!

    Just before leaving work I quickly logged into facebook and my 24 year old daughter pops up on chat and tells me (all excited and proud) that she's quitting smoking. So all my plans to become one of the unquit got thrown out straight away and I now have a new quit buddy. :)

    It's a day at a time.....


  • Well you could. You could just go and smoke. If you wanted to be a smoker again, spending a fortune, smelling, destroying your health, wasting all the effort you've gone to over these weeks and weeks, admitting it to everyone, feeling like a failure....

    Or you could ride it out, like you've ridden out lots of days like this, and come through. You could wake up tomorrow morning knowing you've beaten the demons and you're a stronger person for it.

    Do NOT kid yourself. One packet of ten will lead you straight back into that prison.

    Only you can choose. But I know what I hope you do.


    there, some good advice from yourself to another quitter in their mid quit crisis, well i didn't make it back then, i wish i could have grabbed hold of all the positive anti smoking things you all said, but i chose to let go despite your efforts.

    i think you have been dealt a tough series of blows, but you could get through it smoke free and be stronger for it, can you get some practical advice from a non-smoking friend on how to get through this, someone who knows you are quitting and will be supportive?

    stay with us helen.... only you can choose, but i know what i hope you do :)

  • Hi Helen,

    Wow, that really is a bad turn of events happening all at once!

    Just think that you got through it yesterday without smoking... what would be the point in smoking today (when a bit of the stress/embarassment has gone)?

    So sorry to hear that things are tough at the moment but your response is only natural, don't beat yourself up about it. Adict or not - it's normal to reach for something that we know is bad for us in times of trouble (alcohol, too much food etc).

    Well done for not giving in and making the right choice... you just have to carry on doing that for a little while longer until the cravings tail off which I'm sure will start to happen soon. In any case, whether you do or don't we'll be here to support you.


  • Hi Helen,

    Sorry to hear about so many thing going so wrong.

    I've lost 2 of my longest quits due to bad days like that.

    What I can tell you is that - you have been smoke free for 7 months now - you have overcomed the nicotine addiction long time now. However, since you've been smoking for so long that its just your habit kicking in - when you were a smoker you could calm yourself with a cig.

    BUT its imperative to remember that you cannot do that now - you cannot feel better by feeding your addiction simply because its not there!!!

    So, because of this stupid habit, you will end up smoking and disapointed and feel even worse. Because you will think - I don't feel better at all, I ruined my long quit and I still have all the previous problems.

    I would suggest probably doing something that will help you solve the problems. For example, you can try to talk to your brother. Its a lot stronger, but its still an addiction so maybe you can help him. They say that the first step to curing an addiction is admitting it. Furthermore, by admitting it you are basicly asking for help and imagine how happy you would have been if someone told you when you quited smoking:

    Hey girl, I just want to tell you that I love you and I will do anything I can to help you get through this.

  • Thankyou everyone, what a lovely lot you are!

    I do know you just have to ride these things out, but there are times when it's really hard to muster up the strength to do that. However, the craves are much less insistent today, perfectly manageable. I'll probably be back to normal tomorrow.

    Yesterday was awful, the worst I've had in ages. I could so easily have broken my quit, honestly can't describe how close I came to it standing in Tescos looking at the tobacco shelves, but I stuck it out and I'm so relieved I did.

    It helps so much to know I can come on here and tell everyone how I'm feeling and get such tremendous support. Don't know what I'd do without this forum!

    H x

    H x

  • Helen,

    You are far too strong to fail now. You are far too educated to fail now.

    You have been one of the main sources of inspiration for me on the forum.

    And you KNOW that smoking will solve NONE of your problems, as terrible as they are.

  • Helen I'm so glad you found the strength to stay quit though how you did I don't know. Hope you are feeling better now.

    Take care.

    Maria. x

  • helen i know just how you feel!! we have come way to far to go back now! you have helped me so much and i am here at almost 7 months with you because we are stronger than ciggies!! we have proved keep proving it.

    at this point we can overcome it...always remember you really wanna start all over again?? ...............i didnt think so!

  • Well, if anyone ever finds themselves in a similar situation - practically in tears, standing in the newsagents, fag in trembling hand (you know the kind of scenario I mean) my best advice would be tell yourself, right, I've come this far. I will hold out just until tomorrow.

    Because I reckon most of us will wake up in the morning feeling completely different. I certainly did.

    I told myself I'd smoke tomorrow, if I still felt the same. And I woke up today and felt a little bit like I'd been beaten up, and still a bit cravey, but so much better I knew that I would soon be back on track. And honestly proud of myself for surviving a crisis moment.

    Truly though, I'll say it again, I couldn't have survived this process without the support of this forum. Thankyou lovely people xx

  • yay!!! well done helen, wow what a battle, you must really have felt it in the morning, it was a battle of you against the nicodemen, and we all know just how strong those urges can be,

    i'm so happy!! :):D

  • so happy you pulled through!! you are strong...there is no going back now!! enjoy your smoke free weekend helen!!:D

  • Wasn't here for you when you where going through this but wow Helen, well done, so proud of you, your willpower must be amazing, they do say all these bad things happen at once but hey, the good ones do too, keep the chin up and they will come soon :D

    Jill xxx

  • And If you Had HAD THAT CIGARETTE.......

    Somewhere down the line you would be regretting it TERRIBLY.....Guaranteed....Cos You Will Remember Once Again WHY YOU QUIT in the first place.

    Reverse Thinking......

    On A Really Bad Day...Say To Yourself....


    and talking of money problems...That would be another £1500 a year for 10 a day ...

    £3000 a year for 20.........APPROX FIGURES.

    Down the drain.


    2 L.....With The Craves!!!!!!

    Best Wishes Helen...and keep strong.


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