Wanted to smoke so bad...

Hey everybody! Today it is my 62nd day of my quit and the day I broke up with my boyfriend. I feel so sad right now....Actually If I am sincere I feel sad many days now. And I know what Im going to say may sound crazy or unrelated, but the whole misery started since I quit smoking. I mean it was the best thing I have done for my health, but man, have I paid it...! And that is the reason I dont go back to smoke. I have paid my quit too much. My mother is dying of cancer, news I have learnt after quitting. My beloved boyfriend couldnt understand my emotional state, decided I was pushing him away by being more to myself, and "away"for two months, as he said. For the most part these were two absolutely horrible months for me. I do partially blame my quit (being sincere) but also did not smoke no matter how tempted I was. I posted early on my quit here on a day after I visited my mother's doctor about how much tempted I was back then. After that day things got easier. Today, as I was with some smoker friends of mine, broken heart and all, it crossed my ming to steal from them a cigarette and enjoy it in secret. It was such a temptation that it brings tears in my eyes. oH how I regret smoking in the first place...

Thank you so much for reading this. I feel in such a fragile state but know I will not smoke. Thank you so much and apologies for this sad post....

11 Replies

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  • Aww, Antonis. I'm so sorry that you are having such a hard time, life really can throw us a curve ball sometimes. Well done on resisting the urge to have a fly fag, you should be proud of yourself for not giving in, even when you are feeling so low.

    Hang on in there hon x

  • Antonis my heart goes out to you my friend.

    Please be proud of yourself for staying strong, you are amazing. xxx

  • Antonis, you are amazing not to have smoked today! So sorry to hear how rubbish things are. Can your boyfriend not understand that this is a short term state if mind?

    Take care of yourself xx

  • Hi Antonis, sorry you are having such a tough time, but hats off for getting through it all without smoking - that shows strength!!!. Your are right you have paid your quit too much to give up now!! so hang in there and tomorrow will be a better day

  • Hello Antonis, my word what a curve ball has been thrown at you, heart break is such a strong emotion , a time when we can't think of much else, your one tough cookie , in my book that's amazing indeed you will have times you want to smoke, but they become less and less, smoking does not do any thing for us, that is to say not in a positive way.

    I,m sorry your having to endure this torrid time you are having, but it's a moment in time, it will pass

    You should be so very proud of yourself, I,m proud of you.

    Take care my lovely, be easy on your self

  • Thank you all so much. You r such amazing people for giving from your time to people. I am always so grateful!

  • Well done in remaining strong with your quit at a very vulnerable time. It sounds as if you need that strength in the months to come, but you're showing a sound example of how strong you can be.

  • How horrible for you, and how fantastic you are for not smoking. I really hope your mum is comfortable. X

  • Well done Atonis for resisiting the urge. It's so hard, especially when emotional and it would be easy to smoke at low points. As some-one who did sneak a cig in the earlier months I can tell you it made me feel worse, not better. Tasted vile and made me feel like a complete idiot for giving in. So sorry to read that your Mum is so ill and I really hope things start to get better for you. x

  • Oh Antonis We are so proud if you, life has dished out some nasty and testing things to you, it's not fair, but we are really really proud of you to be able to post your feelings to us and hopefully not light up, if we can get through these testing times we will be non smokers for life, hang in there and let us know how you get on, really really proud of you

  • Oh Antonis

    We are so proud if you, life has dished out some nasty and testing things to you, it's not fair, but we are really really proud of you to be able to post your feelings to us and hopefully not light up, if we can get through these testing times we will be non smokers for life, hang in there and let us know how you get on, really really proud of you

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