Where do i start. I have had the most awful of days today. Those tablets have made me very angry, aggresive, bad tempered, unable to cope, sad, lonely, depressed, so very fricking tierd all the time, unable to eat properly, hating myself, wanting a cig so so much that i nearly caved in because i felt that i could not cope anymore with my life, i told my OH that i was going to buy a pack of 10 but never did, luckily but whatever these champix have done to my brain they have seriously F*****d me up and now i dont know who i am anymore. I have not give in but OMG i lost it earlier and i ended up going to my Mum in Laws because i just could not cope at home. I spoke to my quit Nurse who said and this is after i had my last cig on the 24th its not the tablets making me feel like this its nicotine withdrawel, FFS she has never smoked so how the hell does she know, i have cancelled tomorrows appt and will go and see her next Tues and she said she will see if i can go onto Zyban as they did not make me feel like this when i last took them and i only stopped because i could not afford the prescription. Otherwise they worked for 4 weeks then because of issues at home i went back to being a smoker.
I have told her that if these tablets keep doing what they have done today and make me want to shoot myself then i may end up giving in but NO WAY WOULD I EVER TAKE THOSE SODDING THINGS AGAIN when you stop and this is me they have seriously messed my head up and i thought i was sane until these. I have even cried on the phone to my OH its been that bad today and i just dont know why, i seriously regret ever going on those Tablets and if this is the withdrawel after 12 days god knows what would have happened if i did the whole course.
I am not going to punish myself if i give in but i hope to stay strong and not do so but today was not an urge as such more like the most powerful being pressing my head against as brick wall and nagging me and nagging me and making me feel that i am stupid and bad and that even if i did have one it wont make things any better but the last straw fo rme was how i nearly flipped at my son who has Learning Problems and today and this is the first time i truely think had i not gone to my mother in laws i would have killed him
Anyhow thats my day guys, been a right shit of a day and now i am just so tierd that i want to sleep and sleep.