Hey fellow quitters.
Today just should not have happened :eek:
I had posted recently that oddly my "cravings" were getting stronger the further into my quit I went?
I read the links about "addiction" and the "terrible threes" and justified the sensations. It will get better. Still proud of my quit.
The sensation turns out not to be "cravings" but a growing anxiety, agression, disinhibited thinking, slight mania, disconnected feeling and to cream it all off full blown panic attack. A side effect of stopping smoking? Me thinks not.
I was fighting, denying the negative sensations 'cause I really wanted to keep going with the Champix, after all it was the Champix which miraculously made me stop thinking about smoking like a switch being switched off overnight. Powerful stuff.
My mother got the full on anxiety, outburst rage today when she was less than supportive of me being a bit quieter than usual, not appreciating how I was feeling during my quit, like I was some kind of weirdo because she or my father didn't feel that way when they quit. She follows by saying "Oh, so everyone just has to put up with it, that's how it's going to be?..." I'm getting a "row" for quitting smoking at age 37!
I felt the lights dim and couldn't focus on the room, felt absolutely disconnected from the room around me, my heart nearly pumping out my chest. I have never felt so out of control, frightened in a long, long time. I retired to my bedroom, scared, defensive and angry and my mother left to return home. I feel terrible for my mother having to go through my outburst but not totally responsible for how it happened. It was definitely Champix related in my case/opinion and a lack of understanding and sensitivity from my mother.
I consulted my Cessation Nurse immediately who consulted the GP. I have decided I am not putting any more of that powerful brain drug in my body. The Nurse and GP obviously agree and I'm advised to attend open GP service in the morning if I still feel mentally unwell.
Also the vivid twisted dreams were so frequent (3 weeks solid) they are now starting to merge with day to day memories and that is just wrong.
So in preparation for Week 3 Quit, it's goodbye Champix, hello CT. Bring it on.
In Champix defense my father used it and he had no side effects he said, and is still quit years on. Champix did switch off my memory of smoking or at least thats what it feels like. I still don't have any real desire to smoke after only 3 weeks on Champix.
Everyone is different but if you do decide to try Champix, pay real close attention to your mental health and don't feel any guilt in stopping the Champix if it isn't working for you and your mental health feels wrong. Consult your GP immediately and let them know you are stopping the drug. Seek counselling as soon as possible to talk it over. Your cessation nurse can provide this and discuss your options.
I really need to go relax as I feel totally wired and exhausted all at the same time. This has been one hell of a day but, I did not smoke. I am praying this awful feeling is gone tomorow.