Feel like a complete and utter b*tch and smoked also.

[nsd_user663_8840]

Morning everyone

Not so good in my house I completely flew off the handle this morning all because I didn't have a cig, little things got blown out of all proportion and my two eldest boys bore the brunt of it with me yelling and just generally nagging.

It started over something simple you know the usual, Sunday night get school books etc out for Mon morning so it's all done..we live in the country so we have they have to be at bus stop at exact time or we have maybe a 10 mile drive to get there etc etc...well this morning of course everything needed to be sorted, despite my telling them to check and double check, I even went into their room last night and they assured me was all done. So in a nutshell I started screaming and I mean SCREAMING about how I was sick of them not doing what they were told etc etc...when in actual fact they're not bad kids.

I dropped them to the bus went straight into the petrol station and bought 10. Have smoked one (back at home with youngest he goes to school locally and doesn't need to leave yet).

Seriously, not as if I gave my 'final quit' much of a go was it.

Not sure where to go from here at all, not going to lie and say I didn't enjoy the cig because I did. Guilt from smoking it though as well as guilt for shouting at the 2 teenagers is going to make this a very long day.

Sorry for the rant

[nsd_user663_8421]

Was this the first day of your quit? I had to try to quit several times before I got lucky. Each quit attempt can be a learning experience. Also I found that each time I tried I was managing to stay quit a bit longer. I hope you make it.

Sue

Day 36

Quit date 25/1/2010

[nsd_user663_3728]

Hi Imaquitter

Don't beat yourself up about this slip after yelling at your kids Ok it happens and I bet they forget it before you do

As to where you go from here you either smoke the fags and then stop or you ditch the fags and stop I think you'll ditch the fags and start again now

Below is my standard welcome and advice post which I try and give all new members

Welcome to the forum and well done on the decision to quit possibly one of the most important you will ever make and you will be losing nothing but you will regain control of your life and that has to be good

You will find all the help and support you need on here as we all help each other just like a family we are here for you every step of the way cheering the good days and sympathising with the bad but the good far outweigh the bad

Read the posts on here you will find a lot of tips and advice and in the signatures of a lot you will find links to other sites just click on them Here are 2 I find very good to start you off whyquit.com and woofmang.com Read, read and then read some more as the more you read and learn about why you smoked and about your addiction the easier your quit will be

This link is good for the psychological part of quitting whyquit.com/whyquit/A_Sympt...

Post often to let us know how you're doing, to rant, rave have a moan whatever you like pretty much anything goes on here OK

Love

Marg

[nsd_user663_3910]

Hi, same advice, don't dwell on it, either throw them or smoke them, but don't leave them in the house or anywhere else as a 'just in case'. You say you enjoyed the one you had, would you feel the same if you finished the pack today? One always seems indulgent, a bit of a sneaky treat, but when it gets past the one and it comes down to the pure addiction, it's not so much fun.

Take the experience as just that, an experience that you can prepare for next time.

Get it out of your system, make your decision to stop and go for it again. Remember though, all these niggly things happened when we smoked, smoking never made them go away, it just have us a few minutes to walk away from it. You'll work something out, you've decided you want to quit now and you will. One day at a time, you'll get there.

Lorraine

[nsd_user663_5920]

Ditto to all above with the addition of.......

To lessen any guilt over the way you feel about the banshee rant at your lads (I've been there, know what it's like) send them texts if they have mobiles with them at school.

Apologising to them will help you feel better and give the nicodemon less reasons to tempt you ........... dump the fags too.

Put this down to experience........... learn from it and be stronger

[nsd_user663_8840]

thanks everyone...we had an internet failure earlier so I couldn't get back on until a while ago.

Felt seriously guilty after this morning and no point trying to hide things I smoked more of the cigarettes and even questioned whether I wanted to stop, maybe tomorrow would be a better day, or next week when I wouldn't have more stress etc etc, I'm sure everyone here knows how it goes...then I got a text from my eldest tonight, they went to after school clubs so weren't coming straight home(I had texted to say sorry for being a she devil)...to which he replied 'it's ok mum we know what you're like with no cigs'...talk about shame I honestly could have cried knowing that my kids just accept me being like that because of not having cigarettes.

The remainder went in the bin, am seriously done with this filthy addiction once and for all and I know I said this yesterday but I really do mean it from the bottom of my heart. I'm storing that text from my son and when I feel my resolve wavering I will be reading it and asking myself why I want to smoke and continue putting a 14 year old through it when I don't have cigs.

Tomorrow morning I will be having hot chocolate I think when I get up and not coffee, I associate morning coffee with 2 or 3 morning cigs and I'm killing the trigger before it even begins.

I've reset my counter to start from now and I am NOT looking back. It's over and done with.

x

[nsd_user663_5325]

We all have slips but its best to get back on the quit. Life will continue to happen, there will never be the right time and stress will always be a factor. Life does not stop cause your quitting. It wont be easy but it will have some great rewards. First of which being you will have stopped killing yourself. I'm sorry I'm a very straight forward person, not trying to be a prick. I just want people who want to stop to be able to do it. We are all addicted to smoking, unless you realize your addiction will continue to talk you out of quitting. It's Junkie thinking. I think as long as your not beating your kids they will be fine and I'd be willing to bet they would be happy to take it if it means their Mom will quit smoking. My son who is 13 told me he knew I was going to be grumpy and a pain for months but was very willing to take it i9f it meant me not smokin anymore. Now..... 6 months later .....I'm having a great time hangin and runnin and riding bikes with my son. Also.......he's proud of his Dad and I know he will NEVER touch a cigarette.

[nsd_user663_8840]

hi Thomas

thanks for the reply, no definitely not beating them, nagging and whining at them although truth be told even if I wasn't a smoker I'm sure that I would have cause to nag now and then with 3 kids in the house lol.

Reading your reply has made me feel very positive, thanks again