Hardest day yet...confused

[nsd_user663_8312]

I had some plans that fell through and ended up home alone with nothing to do--that was probably part of it.

Then I went to store to get bottled water and employees were outside smoking. I really tried to look at that negatively-but, I was tempted.

I did not smoke

Yeah me!!!!!!!

funny how it hits you hard on some days..

[nsd_user663_8123]

Me too...

Hey Athena,

I know what you mean, my yesterday (day 9) was awful - i could have easily cried or sold my soul for a smoke!!! But the main thing is we didn't succumb, and today has been fine for me - so hopefully the bad days are getting a lot less frequent than the good ones!!

You did well to feel tempted and not give in.

Keep it up!!

[nsd_user663_4990]

Just be proud of every single day you remain free. It a huge achievement for you, and rightly so!

[nsd_user663_4743]

Me too

Hi Athena,

I just want you to know that it IS hard not to be tempted. the addicts brain takes time to be reprogrammed. But it will happen....eventually. This takes time, patience and belief in yourself. I can understand your feelings of confusion and when we are confused, what do we want to do? Have a ciggie and the mist will clear. This is not true, but the adicts brain tells them it is. so what I am saying basically is do not trust what your brain is telling you. You are simply confused. Try to embrace this state of confusion and remind yourself it is merely a symptom of recovery.

I find it hard to concentrate (on day 9) often but I realise why and accept it and just do the best I can. Sometimes I am telling a story at work and suddenly find it too much effort to concentrate and remember the details, or the name of a place. I inwardly scream "i just need a fag!!" I can't think straight. But instead of smoking i just pause, quite calmly, smile to myself cos only I am aware of wht is really happening in my head and regroup my thoughts. Ok I'm not firing on all cylinders all the time, but i am breathing better, speaking better and feeling better. So there are 3 plusses already. I also feel happier as I am a smoker who has chosen not to smoke. if you write a list of the pros and the cons of quitting, the pros drastically outweigh the cons. However, the pain of separation from the fags is sometimes so bad it completely overshadows all the good aspects. The pros add up to a neat row of benefits, but the downside is dark and can be grim. so, feel the pain, try to smile through it and come grinning out the other side!!

I am not sure if this makes sense (Well I am confused!) but it helps to ramble onn about this tedious process we are all going through. I actually believe the smoking ban has not helped as smokers lurk in every corner of the street and try to lure us back to the fold. Plentiful secondhand smoke to be had on our travels, but just not the same as the real thing. Actually I dont like smoking in the street except when at the pub where bores could be escaped from and new buddies made. Smirting was fun. But those days are gone and i am glad. Really. On second thoughts the pub is a no-no for me! I cant even convince myself...

Anyway, I will shut up now as i am sending out mixed messages to you and myself. The hour is late and I think my friendly nico monster has awakened (he is always alert at night) and is clouding my train of thought!! I have just kicked him in the head and hopefully stunned him for the duration of the night. Yes, he is out cold. Phew! Time for bed.

Keep going Athena, find your inner strength and laugh in the face of the monster!

Rachel x

[jackieinv]

Well done you for getting that trigger sorted. It is awful now when we go shopping, nearly every door has someone smoking near it, I hate it still.

Jackie

[nsd_user663_3728]

Hi Athena

Some days are harder than others but they were even when wsmoked of course

I'm sorry your plans fell through and left you at a loose end so well done not giving in

Love

marg xx