I am really, really nervous about today. My parents, whose company I find really stressful, are coming down and I have the whole day with them. My father in particular has been trying to shame and humiliate me into stopping smoking for a long time and I have not told them I have given up and do not want to tell them.
I fear I am at really high risk of starting again.
I am also generally quite fed up of feeling edgy all the time and angry and tearful some of the time. I resent having to organise everything around giving up smoking and finding time on my own (I live on my own) really difficult. I am like some kind of desperado begging people to spend time with me. An evening in or a lack of constant social plans for the weekend is currently a disaster. This leaves me vulnerable and feeling that I do not have control of my life - something that normally only happens at work.