Aaaaarrrrggghhhhh

Hello

I am really, really nervous about today. My parents, whose company I find really stressful, are coming down and I have the whole day with them. My father in particular has been trying to shame and humiliate me into stopping smoking for a long time and I have not told them I have given up and do not want to tell them.

I fear I am at really high risk of starting again.

I am also generally quite fed up of feeling edgy all the time and angry and tearful some of the time. I resent having to organise everything around giving up smoking and finding time on my own (I live on my own) really difficult. I am like some kind of desperado begging people to spend time with me. An evening in or a lack of constant social plans for the weekend is currently a disaster. This leaves me vulnerable and feeling that I do not have control of my life - something that normally only happens at work.

Help appreciated.

Thanks

KT

18 Replies

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  • Poor you.

    My parent used to have the same effect on me so i know what your talking about. I probably wouldnt tell them. Just think if you do end up having a cig you will be back to square one. Just try to ride the situation and think how proud we will all be when you come on tonight to tell us that you did it. Aslong as you dont damage your parents in the process, even if it was an accident:D ha ha

    good luck

    Jane

  • My mother is exactly the same but I wouldnt tell them either. See how long it takes them to notice you are not smoking. It makes me feel very smug and spurs me on.

    There is always someone on here if you get lonely everyone is really great at supporting each other.

    Good luck today and stay strong....

    L x

  • Hi KT

    If you don't want to tell your parents just don't mention it and if you are asked perhaps you could say "I don't feel like one right now", it may stop them from asking questions. Are you quitting for you or do you feel pressured by your family? Either way if you have started you may find you want to be free of the nicotine, there are websites in our signatures which would be very helpful for you to help you understand what you are experiencing at this time.

    Good luck.

    Jackie

  • Hi KT :)

    Please try not to be nervous about today but I know what you mean my Dad was great but my Mum often makes me go arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh as well

    I didn't tell her I'd quit until I was a couple of months in and even then I had an arghhhhhhhhhh moment

    Feeling tearful, edgy and angry are all normal this early in a quit but it will pass Promise

    I don't quite remember if I sent you the post below but if I did my apologies for sending it twice

    Welcome to the forum and well done on the decision to quit possibly one of the most important you will ever make and you will be losing nothing but you will regain control of your life and that has to be good

    You will find all the help and support you need on here as we all help each other just like a family we are here for you every step of the way cheering the good days and sympathiseing with the bad but the good far outweigh the bad

    Read the posts on here you will find a lot of tips and advice and in the signatures of a lot you will find links to other sites just click on them Here are 2 I find very good to start you off whyquit.com and woofmang.com Read, read and then read some more as the more you read and learn about why you smoked and about your addiction the easier your quit will be

    This link is good for the psychological part of quitting

    whyquit.com/whyquit/A_Sympt...

    Post often to let us know how you're doing, to rant, rave have a moan whatever you like pretty much anything goes on here OK

    Love

    Marg

  • KT,

    Don't freak out about not having any social plans. Having some me time isn't all bad. Just have a weekend of doing stuff that makes you happy. Read a good book, put on a favourite movie, have a facial or some other pamper treatment. Anything that makes you feel good inside or out.

    Parental units often have a habit of rubbing you up the wrong way sometimes...I know mine do ha! I wouldn't mention that you have given up. Telling them could put you under more pressure, but they will probably notice.

    I agree with Jackie. Saying "You just don't feel like one" might be enough to keep them happy today.

    We are all here for you. If you're feeling stressed out just come here and vent it girl!!

    PP xx

  • I am also generally quite fed up of feeling edgy all the time and angry and tearful some of the time. I resent having to organise everything around giving up smoking and finding time on my own (I live on my own) really difficult. I am like some kind of desperado begging people to spend time with me. An evening in or a lack of constant social plans for the weekend is currently a disaster. This leaves me vulnerable and feeling that I do not have control of my life - something that normally only happens at work.

    Hey KT,

    What you describe above is all very normal stuff quitters go through very early on in a quit. It IS the reason why most start again........ no one likes to feel sad, depressed, and vulnerable, yet those are the emotions most of us had to go through. The thing for you to keep in mind is that they are all passing emotions and life WILL get back to normal again.

    What other options do you have really? Sure you can start again and continue on feeding your addiction day in and day out........... OR you can push through these hard times and gain back your freedom!

    Easy choice but the journey may be hard........ we are here for you to make it a bit easier.

    Hope you survived your day with them parents of yours.... parents can be such buggers :rolleyes:

    Hang in there little buddy, okay :)

  • Thanks so much for the support guys. I cannot describe how much I appreciate it and how helpful it is :o

    I am delighted to report that I have just seen the KTparents off the premises. They did not mention smoking. I would not put it past them not to notice, actually, but a huge relief that nothing was said.

    Off for a quick beer with a mate now.

    :)

    Thanks, thanks and thanks again

    KT

  • well done KT :D

    Corinne

  • And now, after two beers and being told by my mate (who gave up in August himself)

    a) that I am so convinced that I will feel shit that it is making me feel worse; and

    b) that I should be thinking positively about what I have achieved (he's right about this, it doesn't come naturally to me at all)

    I am in tears.

    Oh dear

    KT

  • You just have a good cry, okay..... most of us went through it, even the guys (although they will not admit to it) ;)

    Things WILL get better...... you went through many emotions today, I bet tomorrow will be way easier already. Push through these hard times........ you can do it! Stay strong and take one day at a time.

    Read some of the links in members signatures..... it helped me a lot during the early time of my quit..... sometimes I read myself through a crave and along the way I learned to understand what I was going through better.

    Cheers :)

  • Thanks Bella. I've stopped now. Hoping that has got something out of my system and that I can push on now to the next level of quittedness

    KT

  • Put your best foot forward and do your best. Your facing one of the hardest things you will ever do. Face it and overcome. Your life depends on it. Don't let other people effect you quit in a bad way. You and only you can do it. This form will help but you need motivate yourself. I personally like the I'll prove everybody wrong. Establish your reasons. I have 2 main ones and they work well. First my son.. I want to teach him not to smoke and that anything is possible. Second... ok get ready to laugh. heheheh. My Ex wife, also my sons mother tried quitting about a month before I did and made it 4 days. I love beating my ex at stuff so its a great motivator and yes shallow I know LOL.

    But it works. I smile every time she asks if I'm:D still off the smokes. BIG ASS GRIN!! Treat yourself well and just do it.

  • I'm pretty motivated, it's just my morale I have trouble with. :o

  • I guess I'm a little simple, they seem very much the same to me. The question that hits me is how can you be motivated to do some but not have moral to get ya going as well. Please explaine if you can put it to words.:confused:

  • morale: the degree of mental or moral confidence of a person or group; spirit of optimism

    motivation: desire to do; interest or drive

  • morale: the degree of mental or moral confidence of a person or group; spirit of optimism

    motivation: desire to do; interest or drive

    lol some humor there? ;) See, KT, things are looking up already :)

    Your mental confidence will improve with time........ no easy way around it. There is a lot of reprogramming that needs to be done and it takes time. So be patient with yourself :)

  • You said in your first post...

    I resent having to organise everything around giving up smoking

    I really feel the opposite! One of the reasons I'm giving up is the fact that I resent having to organise everything around SMOKING!

    I've finally got my first passport so I can go abroad - I no longer have to worry about not smoking the second I get into the airport until I arrive in the next country! I can do what the hell I like now and feel strangely FREE!

    You're doing great - please stick with it!

  • Put your best foot forward and do your best. Your facing one of the hardest things you will ever do. Face it and overcome. Your life depends on it. Don't let other people effect you quit in a bad way. You and only you can do it. This form will help but you need motivate yourself. I personally like the I'll prove everybody wrong. Establish your reasons. I have 2 main ones and they work well. First my son.. I want to teach him not to smoke and that anything is possible. Second... ok get ready to laugh. heheheh. My Ex wife, also my sons mother tried quitting about a month before I did and made it 4 days. I love beating my ex at stuff so its a great motivator and yes shallow I know LOL.

    But it works. I smile every time she asks if I'm:D still off the smokes. BIG ASS GRIN!! Treat yourself well and just do it.

    Gotta love that:D.....Mine isnt an ex....but I do the same thing:eek:....I'll show you....and I have...lol:D

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