I find it quite ironic, having read Helene's post recently of her harrowing trials with her friend's son, that I should find myself thrown into perhaps a similarly AWFUL experience.
Yesterday, at 11.30pm I received a call from my bestest friend that her husband had collapsed, been rushed into hospital, and that he had arrested. I whizzed out the door and drove 2 hours to the hospital where we waited up all night while he had emergency surgery. He didn't make it.
In some ways, the fact of whether I am smoking or not seems to pale into gigantic insignificance compared to the living tragedy we now find ourselves in. I've managed to get some time off work but am really worried about leaving my friend to fend for herself with the eternal paperwork and sorting out that now needs doing.
Anyway, it almost feels wrong to write about this but I have been surrounded by smoke all day - it's gone up my nostrils and is just in my face and all the time, every second, I've wanted to join in - and felt like I deserve it. And somehow I haven't but I don't particularly feel good about it in comparison to the devastation that has occurred.
We shall get through this but it just stinks.....
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Huge hugs, such sad news It feels a bit wrong to say congrats for not lighting up but I mean it in the nicest of ways iykwim - I hope I havent offended xxx
It does stink but you need to be there for your friend and smoking will not change anything. It would increase your stress levels which is something you do not need at the moment. Stay strong
Oh BP how awfully tragic. Sending you and all that loved him a big fat hug.
It's going to be a trying time with regards to not smoking and I guess you will need to be on your guard but try to think that your quit means you have lessened the chances of your family and friends going through this too. With each smoke you don't have your body becomes stronger and stronger and the chances of you having a heart attack or stroke reduce each time
Gosh, thanks so much guys. I feel quite weepy in response to the tenderness and understanding of your posts (and there is nothing that has offended me). It's just that I love my dear friend to bits and I am bereft, aghast and speechless that her darling A has been taken away. Her and everyone else were puffing away like ****** chimneys and I thought, you go girl because my heart is broken for her. Anyway, I haven't puffed meself and while this may seem, in the current context, like a shallow victory, I know I won't regret it. Thank you all for letting me get this off my chest. Mwah.
Gosh, thanks so much guys. I feel quite weepy in response to the tenderness and understanding of your posts (and there is nothing that has offended me). It's just that I love my dear friend to bits and I am bereft, aghast and speechless that her darling A has been taken away. Her and everyone else were puffing away like ****** chimneys and I thought, you go girl because my heart is broken for her. Anyway, I haven't puffed meself and while this may seem, currently, lime a shallow victory in this context, I know I won't regret it. Thank you all for letting me get this off my chest.
No my sweet, it's called self preservation.
You also need to look after your self, so in turn you can help your friend
Gosh, thanks so much guys. I feel quite weepy in response to the tenderness and understanding of your posts (and there is nothing that has offended me). It's just that I love my dear friend to bits and I am bereft, aghast and speechless that her darling A has been taken away. Her and everyone else were puffing away like ****** chimneys and I thought, you go girl because my heart is broken for her. Anyway, I haven't puffed meself and while this may seem, in the current context, like a shallow victory, I know I won't regret it. Thank you all for letting me get this off my chest. Mwah.
It's not a shallow victory at all - it's an awful situation, and whether you smoke or not will make not a jot of difference; it will still be an awful situation.
When we are truly comfortable in our skins as former smokers, there is no need or desire to even consider lighting up, no matter what life throws at us - any more than someone who has never smoked in their life would suddenly feel compelled to spark up on hearing some devastating news.
You can still be a rock to your friend at her time of need just as well without shooting yourself full of nicotine:eek::eek:
Hello BP, shocking and sad news... brings things into perspective.
I'm not sure what to say, not good with words; I hope you and especially your friend are OK, and will work through this tough period. Thoughts with you.
I have read your words carefully and let them sink in. Thank you for them as they are carrying me along at the moment. This idea that there can eventually be no link between stress and smoke...it's so good to hear that it exists! Which makes me realise that I need to persevere through all situations. Anyway, new day this morning. I will continue to be a rock for my friend....and thank YOU guys for being my rock in turn
What a horrible thing to happen and what a dreadful shock it must have been. I feel so desperately sorry both for your poor BF and for you. Thank goodness she has a wonderful friend like you to help her through such a terrible time.
If you can hold onto your quit now, you can probably hold onto it through anything and whilst I do understand what you mean about it feeling almost disrespectful to be talking about that in view of what has happened, it is important and highly relevant to your life and I for one will be keeping everything crossed that you can get through this nicotine-free. Perhaps a way of looking at is that your BF's husband, whom you obviously cared for deeply, would be (and probably is) extremely proud of you for quitting and decide you'll continue your quit as a tribute to his memory.
I shall be thinking of you today, and your friend, and will hope that you all manage to get through this together.
You are so right. He would be proud. He was the most generous, selfless, kind-hearted, helpful, sincere, bloke I think I've ever met and he made my friend soooo happy. No wonder she feels she can't carry on. He has so many good friends and it's sent a rocket through his profession globally. Anyway, thank you dear Skid, and I'm going to do this for him. He hated the tags which my BF is now understandably chugging away on but at least I can do this for him xx
Sending huge hugs to both you and your friend. I am sure you can be the strength that each other need during this terrible time as from your description he was a wonderful loving husband and a caring, giving friend. I also pick up that although you've fancied a smoke, it's almost taken a back seat in this situation as you cope with your grief - you have a beautiful soul BP and your warmth is shining through, follow your heart and you won't go far wrong xx
My thoughts go out to your friend, its a horrible thing to happen. Over time things will improve, all you can do is be there for her, it will be a long process as she accepts what has happened and learns to live with it. I won't say people get over these things I think they just get used to them.
I'm with egg and skid on this though, hang on to that quit. Losing it wouldn't help anyone in the long run and it won't alter this awful situation.
I am sending you a personal thanks for your posts as they are my lifeline. Like the other posts on my thread here, I've read your words with a really open heart and mind, but mostly with deep, deep gratitude. So please know that I am truly thankful to you as individuals.
Just logging on now after a really full day and I swear that for every second that has ticked on the clock today, I have desperately wanted to "just" have a fag. As I mentioned before, it's all around me - outside, in the house, in the car...Visually I can't seem to get away from it; smell-wise it's in m'face......
But now having read your words, I am refilled with strength to not let this, despite it being horrific, be "the excuse" to do what, actually, in truth, I don't really want to do. I don't want to lose my quit - it's as simple as that. I want to be "quitted" for the rest of my life, and to do that, I need to do the journey and all it involves without short-cutting around the bits 'I don't like'...
Thank you, thank you, thank you, you generous and supportive people. Thank you for staying on your quits so I can stay on mine <heart>
I'm off to bed now and have kept my quit thanks to my wonderful Forumites. What a team - you flipping well rock! Because you've supported me, I've been able to support my friend much better. We can do this!
You poor, poor thing! What a horrible time you and your friend must be having. But as everyone else says, you are doing brilliantly to not give up your quit. Smoking now will not help you one bit and in fact will just make you feel worse. If you can get through this, the next stressful or sad situation will be easier to handle. Thinking of you and your friend at this difficult and sad time.
I'm off to bed now and have kept my quit thanks to my wonderful Forumites. What a team - you flipping well rock! Because you've supported me, I've been able to support my friend much better. We can do this!
Hi, hoping you are still holding with your quit, in this very very sad time of your life, ....
Am sending positive thoughts your way, doing a amazing job, :):)
Stay strong���������� my lovely x
Thanks so much for your messages and for the update, Helene.
I'm afraid I am now so catatonic with exhaustion and stress, that it's hard to know what is up and what is down. However, I have not smoked, despite feeling that I am constantly teetering on the precipice of picking up a fag. It seems sooo weird to be focusing or even thinking about this when my dear friend's world has just completely fallen apart.
Thank you for bearing with my ramblings. All is now quite surreal. I am driving back tonight as I need to go back to work tomorrow, and I really don't want to leave her behind....There is much, much work to be done with arrangements but I guess it will get done. In some ways, the test for me will be when I get back to my flat on my own, but I'm so grateful for the forum and I will jump straight on here and read and post if I feel pushed/tempted to pick up a fag....
Let's keep going guys on our quit journey - together! Let's do it, come what may!
Just a hello before leaving for work. Keep strong girl, you can do it.
An update on my friend. I don't understand but the hospital let him leave with his mother. He went to live at her place. I don't believe when Maria told us the doctor said "mild depression". I shiver to think what would a deep depression do.:rolleyes:
Oh well, some people has a hard time with mental healt.
My hubby told him he will go and bring him to a meeting to help today. The ball are in their camp. Cannot force someone to have help, want more than they do.
Yes, we take it very phylosophicaly.
Hélène
Your poor friend, depression is a devastating condition for someone and the family,.
Let's hope he gets some understanding from councilors , and medical teams. Ect.
Hes got a good friend in you. Just terrible for him and all his friends and family..
Almost nothing that is really worth doing BP,is going to be easy
Never a truer word spoken Max, and again, such a good reminder that I really need to hear - thank you so much for this encouragement.
So glad that as an 'old timer', you stick around for us newbies - perhaps some folk might think, 'oh, I'm ok now with my quit - it's been quite a few months', and not stick around the forum, so I appreciate that you bring sooo much experience that brings a much needed perspective for us feebly-weebly new-born quitters!
[Note to self: must change Forum name - didn't intend to sound like a petrol station!!!]
Just logging on now after a really full day and I swear that for every second that has ticked on the clock today, I have desperately wanted to "just" have a fag. As I mentioned before, it's all around me - outside, in the house, in the car...Visually I can't seem to get away from it; smell-wise it's in m'face......
BP, I'm not sure if I would've pulled through, but I'm very proud and super glad that you did !! Note to self and anyone who's struggling, we are not giving up anything, we are simply chosing sweet precious air, to fill our much abused lungs. The pair of pinkies working right beside our heart, those 2 cute lill puppies, are thanking us each time we decide not to pick one up.
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It feels a bit wrong to say congrats for not lighting up but I mean it in the nicest of ways iykwim - I hope I havent offended xxx
