What a horible personality!

Oh my god!!! I've been horible for the last few days, I am embarrased to see my boyfriend right now after the scene I made the other night! It was not related to smoking but I was in a horibble mood, just picking on him for everything, messed up our fancy dinner, hated his jokes (he was probably just trying to make me smile), and then when he was ready to just leave me there so pissed off he was, I made a hudge scene, cried, screamed, apologized, screamed again!! Wow, I honesly didn't tell anyone I know about this that embarrased I am but I am glad I have this place so you guys tell me am I going mental?! Is this the real me and now I am using the quitting excuse so i can be horibble to people?! I also have to mention I am exhausted, don't sleep right for at least 2 weeks, but again, is this another excuse for beeing mean? I hate who I am... hope this will go away soon! I felt like my life is stupid, unhappy...

Day 21, very happy I am not smoking, I had a few strong thoughts about smoking but they weren't even craves and I don't want to smoke! Anyway, what do you guys think?

7 Replies

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  • Hi Enough :D

    Deep down you know this isn't the real you at all or you wouldn't be on here talking about it

    This is because you've quit and your body is still adjusting after the abuse you've put it through OK

    So you caused a scene with your BF now you feel calmer talk to him about how you feel, and the disturbed sleep doesn't help either, but I promise you it really does GET BETTER

    Well done on 21 days you're doing great

    Love

    Marg xxxxxxx

  • Don't worry you.... I sounded just about the same :) It will not last..... you WILL get back to normal soon.... hang in there..... for me sanity came back full force after day 28..... everyone is different but that was my day. It gets better :D

  • oh honeslty I really hope so! Cause I made another scene just today! After I promised myself I will never ever do that again! He's getting fed up! Almost left my job today! This is the biggest problem i have right now! And as Margareth said I know this is not really me but it seems so unfair to keep blaiming the quitting for everyting it happens to me or everything I do!

    Anyway thanks for your support! It is great to know there are other people out there like me! I just hate feeling like this helpless, depressed, desperate, I use to be so independant! Scarryyyyy, embarassing and humiliating that's how it feels when I act like a spoil child, I don't care where I scream, on the street, at work...! Hope I will be fine soon, cause I am loosing my credibility here if I keep apologising!

  • Sometimes I wonder if I acted out so terribly (tantrums, arguing, crying...) to give myself the excuse to smoke again..... cause really, one should not act that way..... so best to start smoking again to feel 'normal'..... WRONG...... you keep going and your body and mind will adjust and you will start feeling that freedom..... and all those bad days will be forgotten..... don't focus on how you are acting right now.... focus on your quit. Stay with this quit...... you are doing really well!!!!

  • Yep, I'm just begining to emerge through the other side...

    Who the heck was that person inhabiting my body over the last couple of weeks? It's been one heck of a roller coaster ride, but it will pass - honestly!

    TT xxx

  • God I have been so awful to my wife!!!!!!!.....it may seem like I am spamming this forum....at the moment it is the only thing keeping me sane...I can relate to so much...day 14 nearly over...day 15 tommorow....

  • ADDICTION is not who you are

    Oh my god!!! I've been horible for the last few days, .... Is this the real me and now I am using the quitting excuse so i can be horibble to people?! I also have to mention I am exhausted, don't sleep right for at least 2 weeks, but again, is this another excuse for beeing mean? I hate who I am... hope this will go away soon! I felt like my life is stupid, unhappy...

    Enough,

    Have you considered the possibility that it is the addiction you are angry with...

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