Having a really bad day today, so felt that if i write down exactly why i decided to do this in the first place it might help.
2 weeks before xmas i laid in bed with the tears running down my face as i couldnt lay down because if i did i found it very very difficult to breath, my breathing was so shallow that by the morning i was exhausted and had cramp in every muscle in my body.
I had been to see the doctor in the morning and he had said that it could be Heart disease or the big c, so with that in my mind when that night things got worst i thought along with my husband that i wouldnt be seeing xmas and my childrens happy faces as they race down stairs to open their pressies.
Thankfully tests come back ok and what it turned out to be is gastric acids rising up and leaking into my lungs which is much better now but not back to normal yet.
Anyway, that was enough to put the thought in my mind of suffocating to death and not being able to breathe
So this is for my children and myself, i want to see them grow up and in turn to hold my grand children.
I want to get my health back and not be gagging in the mornings, coughing all the time.
To stop premature aging
To be financially better of so i can afford to take my children on holiday and buy little luxurys.
To not smell like ive been sat in an ash tray.
I dont want to ever feel like im suffocating and cant breath properly, i want to be able to take deep breaths of fresh air and feel my lungs inflate.
I dont want to die of a smoking related disease.
The list is endless but these are my main reasons and ones i shall keep looking at during bad times like now to keep me going.