Been lurking more than anything last few days because I've felt really depressed. Can't seem to drag myself out of this mire I'm in. Not even gone out tonight, OH has with our friends as it's the birthday of one of them.
I just couldn't be bothered getting ready and have lounged around all day feeling sorry for myself. Constantly thought of going to the shop for some cigs thinking that would make me feel better but luckily couldn't be bothered to do that either.
Had a crap nights sleep last night, bought the dogs new beds and they are a canvas type so when they move they're noisy. I shouted at Rosie during the night as it's usually her that moves a lot when in the end it was Ruby (so felt guilty for that). The girls are taking the brunt of my anger and bad moods at the moment which makes me feel more guilty. I can't win, I think this has been the worst day out of my 57, I sooooooooooooo want a cig even right now. It feels like if I have a cig everything will be better, I know it won't but the thought won't go away.
Old nic is trying his hardest to take me off the straight and narrow and by god he's nearly succeding, I am so close. Wish I could sleep but my brain won't shut down, constantly thinking of fags.
Sorry for the rant but feeling so lonely right now and want to cry all the time.
PS: Strange when I've not had any problems when out drinking and yesterday I visited my friend who smokes and she had 3 one after the other sat next to me on the couch and that never bothered me. It gets you at the most unexpected times. Good job I have none lurking round the house, they'd be gone by now.