Been lurking more than anything last few days because I've felt really depressed. Can't seem to drag myself out of this mire I'm in. Not even gone out tonight, OH has with our friends as it's the birthday of one of them.

I just couldn't be bothered getting ready and have lounged around all day feeling sorry for myself. Constantly thought of going to the shop for some cigs thinking that would make me feel better but luckily couldn't be bothered to do that either.

Had a crap nights sleep last night, bought the dogs new beds and they are a canvas type so when they move they're noisy. I shouted at Rosie during the night as it's usually her that moves a lot when in the end it was Ruby (so felt guilty for that). The girls are taking the brunt of my anger and bad moods at the moment which makes me feel more guilty. I can't win, I think this has been the worst day out of my 57, I sooooooooooooo want a cig even right now. It feels like if I have a cig everything will be better, I know it won't but the thought won't go away.

Old nic is trying his hardest to take me off the straight and narrow and by god he's nearly succeding, I am so close. Wish I could sleep but my brain won't shut down, constantly thinking of fags.

Sorry for the rant but feeling so lonely right now and want to cry all the time.:(

PS: Strange when I've not had any problems when out drinking and yesterday I visited my friend who smokes and she had 3 one after the other sat next to me on the couch and that never bothered me. It gets you at the most unexpected times. Good job I have none lurking round the house, they'd be gone by now.

7 Replies

  • Hi Marion

    Sorry times are hard right now. Fags really won't make you feel better though. If you were to smoke now, you'd put yourself allllllllllllllllll the way back to Day One should you choose to stop smoking again. You've done so well, don't let this nasty, evil weed claim you again. You've come this far so you know you can do it...just persevere.

    Hope you didn't go out last night in the end!!

    Hope today is a better day for you :)

  • Hi Marion

    So sorry you feel so low. I myself felt this way on my last quit at times. It will pass you just need to try and change things i know its really hard when you feel low. This time I am taking st Johns wort and things are Much Much better. Hope things improve for you soon. Maybe keep posting for a bit just to get you over the hill. Thinking of you. Linda xxxx

  • keep up the good work

    Marion, you are doing great , be strong , look at it this way, this little monster tries to catch you out when you think you're ok being in smoking situations and cope with it, the monster is playing mind games with you it realises you're a very strong person so it tries a different tacktic and wants to get you at home, tell it to bog off and say Im Marion don't mess with me.

  • Thanks everyone:)

    Sorry I've not posted but truthfully haven't felt like it. Been really down for some reason and didn't want to inflict my misery. Got a lot of things going on at the moment. My sister and her husband both have Alzheimers (he's just been diagnosed and she started with it at age 57 and is in the middle stage)

    Plus my little Rosie has to have a big operation on her cruciate ligament so it's been backwards and forwards to the vets (back again in the mornng to decide on the next course of action). Been told the elderly lady is defo not coming home again as she has dementia so have to decide what to do about Lindy (her dog who I've had for 3 months). Only had 3 calls from the daughter in that time, never asking how Lindy is or if we need anything for her.:mad:

    All this has kicked my eczema off which is driving me mad. Anyway what matters is...................................................................................

    I have not had a cigarette

    I still want one though which is p---ing me off as I thought it would be a lot easier now. Been reading Allen Carr's book online when I've had time so hopefully that will help these mad cravings.

    I went the docs and I was due a thryoid blood test so waiting for that. I may need my dose increasing. Few other things but won't moan any more I'm depressing myself again.:)

    Well done everyone and even though I may not post I still check up on you all. Oh, and I'm now into Month 3.

    I have been quit for 2 Months, 2 Days, 6 hours, 44 minutes and 34 seconds (62 days). I have saved £349.01 by not smoking 1,557 cigarettes. I have saved 5 Days, 9 hours and 45 minutes of my life. My Quit Date: 22/02/2008 16:49

  • Oh and another thing

    I only used to smoke in the kitchen under the extractor hood (not literally under it) and in my comp room upstairs with the window always open. OH would come in for something and start coughing very loud and moaning (he's never smoked).

    Well I'm really fecked off because he's never once said "well done" or anything at all for that matter to encourage me.:mad: My friends have and one of my sisters but zilch from him. Wouldn't of minded if it had just been to say "the house smells better or something". He seems to think that you just decide to give up and that's it, easy peasy you give up just like that.

    The way I'm feeling I could wring his neck, or he better watch his back if he keeps bloody snoring and keeping me awake.

    Thought I'd get that off my chest too while I'm ranting.:o

  • Hi Marion

    I'll bet you feel better after that wee rant, eh? That's one of the things I love about this forum, you can rant and rave all you want and nobody will criticise you for it! :)

    Men can be beasts. I had the same thing with my DH (and he's still smoking!!!!). When I said to him, "You've never even said well done!!" He replied, "I'm always praising you - I was just telling the guys at the pub how well you're doing!"


    Maybe you need to remind your nearest and derest too?

    You deserve a HUGE round of applause MArion - all that shit going on around you - and you still haven't smoked! :D WE ARE ALL SO PROUD OF YOU, GIRL! WELL DONE!!!!!!

  • Hi Marion

    Hope your feeling a little better today and bloody well done for not smoking. Also i would agree with Barb come here and rant all you like thats what we are here for support. Linda xxx

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