So today is 3 weeks for me and it has been the hardest and most upsetting/down/sad/miserable time.
These 3 weeks have seemed like a life time and with it I have been ratty, argumentative, mean, sad, stressed.
I had a couple of smokes on Friday night, I was drinking and my family were all smoking, I'm not proud of it but I thought sod it, I am not going to live my life being a soppy wet rag for the next 6 months to a year.
yesterday, I was bugged all day, couldn't get smoking out of my head so about 6pm I went out and had a smoke, yes it knocked me dizzy, yes I felt sick, yes I brushed my teeth and sprayed deoderant right after but it helped me.
I am now at the poinnt of thinking maybe it's not a bad thing to smoke when I drink, after all that is better than smoking full time again.
I honestly can't carry on feeling like this, it's not me and it's too hard.