This is hard and I am crumbling!

Hi all,

So today is 3 weeks for me and it has been the hardest and most upsetting/down/sad/miserable time.

These 3 weeks have seemed like a life time and with it I have been ratty, argumentative, mean, sad, stressed.

I had a couple of smokes on Friday night, I was drinking and my family were all smoking, I'm not proud of it but I thought sod it, I am not going to live my life being a soppy wet rag for the next 6 months to a year.

yesterday, I was bugged all day, couldn't get smoking out of my head so about 6pm I went out and had a smoke, yes it knocked me dizzy, yes I felt sick, yes I brushed my teeth and sprayed deoderant right after but it helped me.

I am now at the poinnt of thinking maybe it's not a bad thing to smoke when I drink, after all that is better than smoking full time again.

I honestly can't carry on feeling like this, it's not me and it's too hard.

Shaz x

18 Replies

  • Oh shaz, shaz.

    PLEASE don't let this get the better of you.

    You have to be realistic. You've smoked for TWENTY YEARS. You can't expect to get over an addiction like that in three weeks. You know - and people on here who are further down the road can all tell you - that if you stick with it, it will get better. (Personally speaking I was rough as f*** for six weeks and since then it's got a million times better.) You know it, but your junkie side is trying to persuade you that you're not as good as that, that you can't do it. YOU ARE. YOU CAN.

    But if you keep having the odd fag here and there, your addiction will have you in its vice like grip and you will not be able to stop thinking about it. You will be on the slide back to full time smoker. And even if with a tremendous effort of will you manage to only smoke while drinking, you will be thinking about it, and ratty, and craving, all the rest of the time.

    You don't need cigarettes. They do not make you better. They are killing you, one puff at a time.

    For the sake of your poor wrecked lungs, your family, your breath, your bank balance and your sanity, you have to gather your strength and withstand those few weeks of readjusting. It's worth it. The horrible feelings don't last. Keep your eyes on the prize.


  • Shaz

    Hiya hun , i really dont know what too say too make you feel better , i understand how you feel , i have had a few moments myself, but the only way i have kept strong is by reading a lot , and too be honest, scaring the crap out of myself reading lots of stories concerning people who have ended up with emphesimia etc through smoking, I have smoked since i was eleven :( im now about too turn 50 in May , i have no diseases and for that im truelly grateful thanx God , i understand about what u feel saying all the family were smoking and enjoying it and why cant you , thats natural but, u have come this far darlin so just keep going, i keep saying too meself, its gotta get better , stay strong hun you are doing great . :) x

  • Hi Shaz

    I will keep this short - I agree totally with Hels, but would also add that it might be an idea to read up on the terrible 3's. Many people have links to this atricle and I am sure someone will post the link presently.

    That said, you have come this far, please don't throw it away now, tell that naughty nicodemon to "do one".

  • Terrible threes article

    Here it is:

  • i know how u feel i had a real hard time aound the 3 week mark it seems a difficult time for many but it does get easier honestly

    i never ever believed i would get through this and feel better i feel i was a very dependant smoker and could not get through a few hours let alone a whole day without one and here i am 45 days later, people who know me are shocked because i was unlikely to get this far but here i am

    and why because it definately gets easier i remember constantly thinking of smoking 24/7 and thinking how can this possibly change i will be like this forever, but i am not i can go hours and hours without it crossing my mind now its a gradual process but it does happen and your are not that far behind me so you just need to be stong fight that nicodemon and keep going

    as for smoking just wen u drink that is not going to happen it wont stay like that i guarentee, thats the nicotine talking to u trying to reason with you but its tricking u smoking is not something we can control it controls us

  • I agree with everythign that Helsbelles has said.

    I have now been quit for just over 6 months and can PROMISE you it gets much much easier and much much better.

    Right now, you are still feeding your addiction by having the odd ciggie, so its going to be harder. Your addiction is what is making your think "sod it, maybe it's not a bad thing to smoke when I drink, after all that is better than smoking full time again" because as many many of us on this forum know, the odd few always ends up with a 20+ a day habit again.

    Please dont listen to your addiction- you have to learn to hate it if you are to overcome this, thats what i did. I grew an intense hatred of my addiction so that it couldnt get one over on me. Everytime it whispered in my ear "just 1 ciggie wont hurt" i would silently whisper something back, and laugh at it wanting to get one over on me.

    I am now able to spend the weekend with my friends, who all smoke, and it doesnt bother me at all, apart from the fact that i end up smelling of smoke again which i hate!

    Really, if you can make the first 6 weeks, it gets easier. If you dont feel like you can quit if you drink, then dont drink for a while.

    Also, what helped me, was researching anti smoking ads on youTube, and also looking at anti smoking documentaries, and also on youtube i watched a film called "thanks tobacco, you killed my mom" was a VERY hard film to watch, and i posted it on here..but lets face the cold hard truth here- smoking can ill you. I didnt want to pussyfoot around the facts as i felt the facts were what would help me overcome it.

    At the end of the day, only YOU can make this step. Keep posting when things are tough- i never would have got through the last 6+ months without the support of the people on here!

  • Sorry - I'll shut up now - but if you haven't read this one, I think you should.

    ****BIG HUG*****

  • Noooooooooooo please do not give in Shaz. OK so you have had a couple of blips but not quit the quit yet.

    All those feelings you are feeling is Mr Nic tempting with you, playing mind games with you. You can never be a part time smoker, it's either all or nothing. You'll start to have a smoke with a drink then before you know it, you'll be a professional smoker again.

    So Shaz you have a choice, continue with your quit. Continue with that ongoing mental realignment and learn to live your life as a happy non smoker. Or smoke and spend £6+ a day on cancer sticks and put up with the smoking related diseases likely to come your way.

    You learnt to live your life as a smoker Shaz, you wan't born one. Now you have to live your life as a non smoker. If you chose to stay with your quit, you'll reach a point in your quit where you are so happy that you are no longer a slave to Mr Nic, when you reach that point you'll be so glad you stuck with it.

    Sorry if this sounds harsh but ultimately the decision is yours, no one is forcing you to quit smoke. You simply have to make a choice.

    I have been in your position a few times and let Mr Nic beat me but boy I have regretted it later!

    Luv & hugs

    Tinks xx

  • Oh Shaz :eek:............. my quit buddy ;)

    What can i say that others haven't?:(

    Regroup Shaz, rethink your strategy, use an inhalator, gum, patches, champix, zyban and my grannies elixir of life (£9.99 inc p&p with free how to stop smoking book:D)..... anything!, use anything BUT DO NOT RELAPSE.

    You must have read about the three three's, 3 days, 3 weeks, 3 months where the cravings are so bad you could kill for a ciggie, i thought it was all mumbo jumbo until it happened to me on 3 weeks, it was hell on earth and i really don't know how i came through it unscathed.

    Treat the weekend as a blip, think how that ciggie made you feel sick, dizzy ,smelly and now miserable.

    Fight girl, fight, you're not on your own in this battle Shaz, you're part of the quitters army and we don't lose!......No Retreat, No Surrender.

  • Shaz...Hun...Please stay can do this. We have all gone through that horrid terrible 3 at some stage and managed to get through. Its not easy but stay positive and focused and you can get through this. Whatever you do Hun please dont give in and go back on those nasty nasty things. At the end of the day only you can make that decision but whatever you decide remember we are all here for you and we wont judge you. You have to do what is right for you but it would be such a shame to let it all go now when you have done so well.

    I never thought i would get this far and suffered like you at about the same stage but with these guys on this forum they saw me through, you can get through it. Good luck Hun x

  • Defo read the three week thing from the tales from the quit.

    It's around three weeks that the shine comes off the quit. The high from quitting fades and the reality of being quit sinks in.

    Now, I've seen a few people have a few blips and this is what I would recommend. More than happy for people to correct me though as I'm only writing this as an observer of others who have 'blipped'.

    If you want to remain quit, draw a line under those few cigarettes now and do not have any more. Re-affirm your quit from today and don't look backward at the last weekend. Keep looking forward and scrap those cigarettes from your memory, they never happened, your quit date remains the same, everything is still intact. Forget them and move on.

    The reason I say this is that the few people I've seen who have had a slip have used that slip to wreck the entire quit. Kind of like 'Oh well, I've messed it up now, might aswell smoke'. Like when you are dieting and have a slice of cake, well o.k. you had a slice of cake....but that's no excuse to eat the whole thing!!

    It becomes a constant niggle in your mind that eventually undermines everything, another 'trick' your mind plays on you to get you back, hooked and paying a fortune for an early death.

    Forgive yourself, learn from it, forget it, move on.

    A 'slip up' in itself is just that and nothing more, it becomes a tragedy if you don't learn from it.

    Just brush yourself down, brush up on your reading, carry on and don't look back.

    :) You can do this

  • Hey all,

    Thanks for all your replys, i am at work so have only scanned them quickly, however I will repost a proper reply as soon as I can

    One thing I will say though is thanks to you all for taking the time out to reply to me!!! *Hugs* to you all

    Shaz x

  • Hey all you amazing people!

    I have read through all your replys & the links Hel's sent and it all makes sense now!

    I think I am just having a weak moment, cravings are high, and I had thought that if during the last couple of weeks I didn't have these cravings then I couldn't quite understand why they came on all of a sudden.

    Smoking on Friday night was more about stress to be honest, i'd had the worst taxi driver in the work who had no change (a Taxi driver with no change) so after a few words he made me go to the shop to get change and I was that angry with him that I bought 10 smokes to get the change. The 1st thing I did when I got to my uncles was to light up whilst ranting about the idiot that was the taxi driver. Then because I was drinking & my family were smoking I just decided to give in and smoke.

    I am going to try my hardest to get through this! and I thank you all for all your help with this, seeing all of your reply's and reading the links has shown me just how much people care & take time out to document and give advice because you all know exactly what you have gone through.

    I never thought i'd go this far without smoknig and yes a blip or two along the way but I am really proud of myself, as I am really proud of all of you!

    i'm sure I am not the 1st to wobble & I wont be the last, but I am so glad I have your support through all of this, especially Pete, Tink & Hells

    Shaz x

  • shaz everyone has said what needs to be said! we all know how really hard this is but we can do it! i never though i could make it this far--im in my 6th week and it got loads better from week 3. of course i still think about it but i smoked for 18 years --more than half my life so i know it takes time..please give yourself that time to overcome it and take everyones advise here... we are all in this together:D

  • Good for you for making the right - harder of the two choices Shash. Most of us have certainly been there and know what you were going through. Last time I was there I took the other direction - oh well can't change it now - congrats Shash

  • I know you must be feeling very down and stressed.

    It's depressing and sad at times as it's a huge change.

    The best way to rationalise it in my head is to admit it's a huge change but make it positive and something to be excited about.

    Smoking is not going to help. As the others have said keep reading! I scare myself into not smoking sometimes. But it really works!

    I hope things pick up for you soon xxx

  • I was feeling the same

    I Have not smoked at all of 17 days, and feeling the pain now.

    Just before I found this site and this page, i was looking on google to find some antidepressants, I was at my wits end. I could not understand how I feel worse now than I did on day 3. I have read all the comments on this page and followed all the grate links. Thank you everyone I feel I got a bit of perspective now and I want to feel the pain of change. how mad is that turn around.

    Cheers all :p

  • I think I speak on behalf of all when I say -

    Nicky, you are more than welcome :p

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