Just Joined - My Reasons

Hello, I'm brand new here. I'm desperate and I'm panicky at the moment. I decided to search for a place where I can have support to quit and I want to win this time.

This is my third attempt to quit, and they say "third time's a charm" in most things...I hope it can apply to my quitting smoking.

My reasons for quitting:

1. I'm a homemaker - no kids -just a cat and a husband, and I'm tired of smoking running my life, my thoughts.

2. I'm tired of lying to my husband, family and friends.

3. I'm tired of not having enough energy or enough money.

4. I'm tired of not wanting to leave my house, so I can smoke alone.

My background (sorry if its too long, but I need to come clean.): I've been smoking since my mid-twenties. I am newly turned 40 years old, December 31, 2007. I promised myself that I would quit on my birthday and never smoke again. That did not happen.

Nearly six years ago, I met and married my husband and we live a lifestyle wherein smoking is against our beliefs and ideals. My husband quit smoking 6 years ago, shortly after our wedding. I quit with him and didn't smoke for 8 months. One day my brother came over to see me, and he went out on my balcony to smoke, and I felt I could have "just one" and be done with it. Well, that 1 - turned into over 4 years of smoking - with my husband's knowlege....it took me awhile to tell him, but I eventually did....our agreement was - when we move out of our apartment and get a house, I had to quit and not bring this bad habit into our new home. I had a free pass, cause we weren't gonna get a house in forever! It wasn't gonna happen anytime soon.

Well, 4 years later, we finally got a home and moved in (October 2007), I quit for 2 weeks. And it was EASY. However, my Dad came to visit us from out of town, and brought his cigarettes with him....Once again, I had to have just one. I knew what I was doing. But, I could not resist! I just could not resist it. And my Dad is so cool with everything...so about doing what he wants when he wants...he didn't blink. He only told me, "you're doing great, why start again?" I blame myself, not him. But, I do wish I had had more support.

That one puff has turned into 3 mos. now of me smoking - SECRETLY - from my husband, my family (except for my Mom and Dad who know.), and my friends. Lots of mouthwash, and my husbands long work hours, keeps it hidden.

I love when my husband goes to work, because I go outside and light up off and on all day. I don't drive, yet...so my friend takes me to the store and sits outside in her car while I go in...Unknowingly she is helping me buy cigarettes...and I buy 4 packs at a time. I only smoke on average 5 cigarettes a day, so those 4 packs can last me 2 weeks. I've never been a pack a day smoker. It's a very expensive habit, and I'm tired of spending my money on it.

At this time, on this day...1-22-08, I have a half a cigarette left...and I'm tired of the charade. I'm tired of spending my money and deceiving those around me. I'm freaking out. I want to be normal, but I'm afraid to not have my cigarettes when I get that awful urge.

Thanks for listening. I am gonna take it one day at a time. That's all I can do. Oprah had a show on this morning about quitting. I feel it's a sign for me. I hope I can find support here, because I've gotta do this cold turkey and this forum is all I have. There's no money for pills or dvd's or patches, nothing...there's no excuse for me to buy them, 'cause I'm supposed to have quit back in October...my hubbie won't understand the need for it. Do you see my dilemma? Please help me through this, that's all I ask.


8 Replies

  • It is not easy but it gets easier with time x x x x

    It is Important that YOU want to quit for yourself too though!!

    This time you know your weaknesses, maybe you could ask your family to keep their cigs to themselves when they visit?

    Support and confidence is key and each tie in together, I am sure you will gain both from this forum x x x x

    Stay strong ~Buffy x x

  • Hi want to win. Your story really got to me. Buffy is right, You do need to do this for YOU as well as all your other reasons. I to am just starting out on my journey today for the umpteenth time. I plan to get on here as often as I can over the next few days/weeks. The support here is priceless. Good Luck and keep reading and posting. Hopefully we will get to our first milestone without a hitch. 24 hours here we come.

  • You're absolutely right, I've gotta do this for ME, that's #1...I guess I didn't really affirm that, but YES...I'm very concerned about my health and living a longer life.

    I smoked that half a cigarette a couple of hours ago...1 pm. It's all over now. I'm done. I truly pray that I'm finally done.

    Your responses have really made me feel stronger and I'm excited to start a smoke free life. It feels great that I won't have to worry about my breath smelling when my hubbie gets home tonight. :p

    And when I feel that dreadful urge come on, I'm gonna take a few deep breaths and drink some cold water. Plus, I'll be confident that I can come to this forum and vent, if I have to.

    Thank you all!! I'm SO glad that I'm not alone.

  • Hi want2win welcome and congrats dear, in my opinion you're already winning :)

    Don't freak out, you absolutely can do this, cold turkey might just be your thing if you feel so, it worked wonderfully for me and I promise if you're in the right frame of mind (and I believe you are) you will not have to struggle and suffer that much at all. Keep us posted every day, we're all here to support you :)

  • Yup! :)

    I am very pleased you have come back and shown your more positive side!!

    Water is a top tip x x also you could try something new to take up your time? when hubby goes to work ~ find something to enjoy, reading, writing, drawing, sewing, puzzles etc

    if you miss the secret, do something secretive to produce on his birthday?! a poem, painted canvas or sculpture!

    Worlds your oyster now your free ;)

    ~Buffy x x

  • if you miss the secret, do something secretive to produce on his birthday?! a poem, painted canvas or sculpture!

    Wow, you're hitting me with all the good stuff. I hadn't even thought about missing the secret!! But, yeah! I know how I am, the routine I went through to clean up after myself...whooo! I'll say, I will probably miss the secret! Thanks so much for the ideas!! Boy am I glad I came here.

  • Go for it W2W. We'll crack this one. :D

    I went to the local Co-op Late Shop this afternoon, my first time out since I was in hospital. As I stood at the check-in, which has all the cigarettes on shelves behind it, I felt very proud NOT to be saying "...and 100 Superkings please." I left the shop feeling quite big headed.

    You will do the same - you'll see.

  • Greetings wanton one ...

    If YOU want it you can have it, firstly do this for YOU.

    Smoking 5-10 cigarettes may be low maintenance on your pocket but it's high maintenance on you health and life style.

    Go for it YOU know you can :)

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