Hi guys, feel like getting one thing off my chest.
Just before I start, I have every reason in the world to quit, health, financially especially.
Ok, I'm depressed, I see a shrink and I'm in this self-therapy where I have to basically stop worrying about stuff and being more positive which is not working, I feel miserable all day long (not cigarette related except few times) I'm bad at human relations, can't make new friends but I have my two solid friends other people always like me at first but start finding me boring and eventually dislike me (I'm sorry to say but there are no exceptions to that) How I feel inside unfortunately reflects on my outside most of the time, I never feel like smiling for example. Anyways, I used to be in really bad shape when I was smoking one year ago, I was very fat and I smoked and drank and enjoyed both.
Ok, then I quit eating unhealthy food which was very hard for me because I really want to eat and I'm just that kind of person (always up for a Burger or Pizza type and can't go to a store without buying something) then few months later I also quit drinking, totally and was sober for 8 months and I only had one of the three treats which was smoking (Eating, Drinking, Smoking) and then I took smoking away too! I had nothing left, nothing that's why I got extra depressed when I quit, I tried to stay positive and look that way but inside I was just thinking "My life is over"
I have none of my treats left except for a minor one, it's the gym, so for one hour per day I'm kinda happy and treat myself.
I really don't think I can get used to not having any one of these three.
Eating unhealthy, I will die before I become fat again :/
Drinking, I can't be a weekend drinker only, when I get started I drink a lot, on week days as well and I drink alone more then socially. (My dads parents, their parents and my dads brothers, sisters and my sister are and were ALL, every single one alcoholics, I'm in danger about drinking, don't want to ruin my life by that.)
Cigarettes, here we are again financial and health reasons.
Sorry for posting probably the most negative thread here ever, but I feel screwed.
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You said your post was probably the most negative ever but i have to say whilst i can see that you're obviously feeling down at the moment and having suffered from depression myself I do understand how bad that can be but i have to say that i saw many very positive things in your post.
You're on day 67 of your quit ( as someone on day 6 my hats off to you already!) so your obviously a strong person who is determined to improve your life and since you've also stopped eating junk and embraced healthy eating and quit the drinking you obviously have determination by the bucketful.
You say that people only like you till they get to know you and then turn away from you yet you say that you have 2 good solid friends. Very few people have more than one or two true friends... the ones that are always there for you and love you no matter what so I say you are probably very blessed.
You say that you enjoy going to the gym but that somehow thats only a "minor" pleasure? Of course its not .... you couldnt have done that when you were smoking ,overweight and drinking heavily.
So whaT exactly do you miss about your former pleasures?
Can you honestly say that you enjoyed being overweight ? Of course not ... AND YOU DID SOMETHING ABOUT!
Did you enjoy seeing the world thru an alcohol induced haze? Because that way you miss the little things that make life worth living.... a smile from a stranger ,the sound of the birds singing , a childs laughter? I don't believe you did....AND YOU DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
Do you really want to go around wearing "eau de ashtray" as your signature fragrance with yellow teeth and puffing like a steam train if u have to suddenly run! (God forbid!!).I don't think so ...AND YOU DID SOMETHING ABOUT IT!
WOW... just look at all that you have acheived in the last year or so!
Seems to me that your only problem is that you are suffering from depression and a person whos been strong enough to change all that you have in such a short time can beat that too. Just keep going to the therapy sessions give them chance to work and keep your chin up
Like I said Valberg it seems to me that your a star!
Phew not normally so gobby honest ... hope this doesnt come across like a lecture its not meant to!:rolleyes:
You are a true star mate and dont you forget it. I totally agree with every thing Dragonfly said. My son has a very big drink problem and he gets so depressed I worry when I know he is on his own for longer than a few hours So good on you for not going down that street. Give your self a BIG pat on the back and remember you have lots of mates on here hehe and boring I dont think so. Good luck Valberg things will look better soon I bet Love Linda
My Gawd, All that is cause for celebration! You should commend yourself. Spend more time at the gym too if it makes you happy. You have come so far and should be extremely proud of yourself, we sure are!! Keep up the good work, don't let the depression get any worse, go see somebody!
You always have all kinds of support and friend here. \
(we have known ya awhile and haven't found you too boring yet)
Cindy
ps....excuse the spelling and ggrammer mistakes this morning...i am on my first cup of coffee and my fingers don't want to work so well
I didnt mean to ....but hey i'm pretty new here and totally in awe of how well some people are doing and I just had to jump in when Valberg was dismissing all his/her acheivements so lightly.
Well Done Valberg x x start of your post i was waiting for the 'gone back to smoking' punchline
Sorry for all the other troubles you are experiencing everything sucks and rolled up into one big bundle must feel pretty poor!
Firstly 'Treats' are pleasurable indulgences not usually related with self harm. By going back to smoking you are doing more damage.
You can see this quite plainly with the alcohol because of prior experience, the attitude is there in you so you need to try and bring out the same feeling for 'smoking' as you do 'drinking'.
The turning around of emotions is a very useful and powerful self empowerment tool and i advise you stick with it.
Gym is a Fantastic 'Self indulgence' so you are very good also at indulging yourself!
The truth about good friends is no one can count up theres, and fill all their fingers! I have 2 close friends myself the rest are acquaintances or passer byers in my life. Like you say they don't clique then we tire and pass on by!
You may be mistaking what you imagine other 'happy' peoples lives are really like and thinking yours is not as shiny!
You never know what goes on behind closed doors, so don't let your imagination drive you mad!
I imagine that your depression is not as bad as it has been in the past as you are doing so much positively for yourself! you eat healthy food, you drink non alcoholic drinks, you are a non smoker, you work out regularly at the gym, you keep in touch with your emotions by seeing a therapist and you are trying self empowerment!
I enjoy self help books, glossy magazines, films, arts and crafts, scrapbooking, card making, painting, days out to theatres, galleries, shows etc and i love watching people and writing maybe you can find something in there that may take your fancy? or there is adult education classes
Just got to keep on, you're amazing! If I could find that much time and motivation to look after myself that much I would be very proud!
Don't expect to shift a mountain in an hour! just try and take a bucket full away each day.
hope this all makes sense! as much as i love writing i never claimed to be much good at it
You see, what you thought might be a boring post has really got everyone fired up!!! - Like all the others above I only have two true long term friends and most friendships are in fact short term. You have really turned your life around and have truly inspired me - keep strong
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Hi guys :) introducing myself
It is done!!!my first day
Only Day 2 and going crazy already!
Day 11 but a big test tomorrow on Day 12
