I just want to be healthy!!!!!!!

Hi i'm new to this site and in need of support. I'm really depressed about my weight and don't have any support around me. Over the years I have put on more and more weight and now I just feel as though I look awful and I'm feeling really sluggish and unhealthy. My family aren't very supportive of my weight and just tell me I'm fat and I need to lose weight (as though I can't see my size). My mum has told me to go on slim fast so I can lose weight fast, but I don't want to lose weight fast I want to be healthy and change my lifestyle rather than lose loads of weight but only put it all back on again when i start eating again. I have a child and while I was pregnant my ex partner would make comments everyday about how fat I was, how awful I looked in and out of clothes and he commented on my stretch marks telling all his friends how terrible my stomach is. After having my child I lost lots of weight and was smaller than before I got pregnant but he continued with his comments telling me I was still fat and that I must be bloated because I don't fit in my clothes. He still told his friends about my terrible stretch marks and how awful I looked. Things got worse between and eventually he began saying things like I could never leave him because no one would want me the way I am. I was never allowed out unsupervised and food became me comfort I was ugly anyway and all I had was food. When I had put my baby to bed I'd just sit and eat all night. I tried exercising but I couldn't exercise if he was in the house. I put on lots of weight and now I'm really struggling to get the weight off. I know how I'm suppose to eat and that I should exercise but if I hit a bump in the road I give up. I really need a some one who understands how I feel, it can be really depressing feeling so ugly and I've lost all my confidence and my out going personality. I'm hoping that by putting up my thoughts, feelings, weight and even diet diary I can be successful. If I have to publicly admit to any weight gain I might be shamed into being extra good the next week, and the weeks I am successful I will enjoy sharing my success and how I was able to achieve it. Hopefully we can all help each to look great and be healthy. Good luck people. xxx


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35 Replies

  • a friend of mine is going to spinning classes/ work outs... is that something for you to get your metabolismn going, or there is on these pages C25k a healthy way on getting on the move... are you permitted to do sports where you are living? Or if you want to do it with your kid, pram pushing long walks is also a good training to get stamina...

  • Yes thank you I've joined the local gym where I have started with swimming, as much as it killed me to put a swimming costume on, but I used to love swimming so I thought it was worth a try. I have also ditched the car and started walking a lot more. Only small changes but hopefully they will add up to big changes. x

  • Hi, I was in a similar situation to you years ago. My ex husband was very verbally abusive about my appearance (at that time I wasn't fat but didn't think that at the time ). If you are overweight try a weight loss group like WW or SW where you would get that support and advice. As for your stretchmarkes there are creams you can get to help but they are part of you being a mother, I'm sure he is not perfect & he shouldn't be so hurtful. Take care xxx

  • Oh bless you. People can be really nasty. Since leaving my ex I've discovered it's really common for a partner to be verbally abusive. For my ex it was all about the control. I did look into ww and sw but i'm not quite ready for a face to face weigh in yet my confidence isn't there yet at least on here I'm behind a computer screen, no matter what happens I'm not in front of anyone. Silly I know especially after I convinced myself to get a swimming costume on but I made sure it covered me as much as possible and went when it was really quiet. Thank you. You take care as well. xxx

  • Yes, yes not perfect... my slim expartner had stretch marks as well in the back between the kidneys, then they don't see them... ;-)

  • nhs.uk/livewell/loseweight/...

    Your idea to lose weight slowly and become healthy is a good one. There is lots of help & advice on the above site with ideas as well.

    Lowcal (one of the contributors on this site) does a Monday morning weigh in where everyone says what they have lost.

    Begin by planning your meals and counting calories. It would be good to get fit for your child as well.

    Good luck with your journey and do this for you.

  • Thank you. I've seen the Monday weigh ins going to join in this Monday using this time to just get my head around cooking healthier options and get back into exercise then I can weigh myself Monday and really start from then. I'll check the website and see what I can get from it. Thank you. x

  • First of all, it is your partner who is very, unsecured , because he kept putting you down, why does he have to supervised you when you go out, that is telling you something girl. He is the problem, you should be proud of your stretch mark, every women has them. Carry it with proud .

    Get rid of negative people in your life, they are no good for you. Then put on your trainers and start walking, keep on walking and don't look back.

    Get rid of all the unhealthy food in your house, don't buy them , because they are temptations in your cupboard. Try and buy more fruits and snack on them .

    I am snacking on nuts like almond and dried fruits, it doesn't make me feel hungry. Also I have notice that drinking a good cup of peppermint tea keep the hunger at bay.

    Go gal you can do it, if I can, I was the laziest women around, mind you I do worked 50 hours a week , bu t I could not bother with exercising until my doctor gave me a very bleak verdict on my future, if I don't do anything about my weight, that kick start my exercise regime, and I hope to carry on with it.

    You can be my buddy and I can be yours.

    Bring it on,

  • Oh thank you I'd like to be your buddy. I have got rid of him so now just the weight. The more comments I read on here the more positive I am about this. I want to be healthy. I want to see my daughter grow up and be a good mum who runs around the park I don't want to be the fat mum at the school gates. My stretch marks have got better, they were at lot worse when I was pregnant but they didn't bother me at all til he started commenting on them. I just keep telling myself that my daughter wouldn't be here without them that makes me feel better. I use to drink herbal teas hadn't thought about having them back in the house thank you I will have to get some. I'm more of a cucumber and carrot stick girl than fruit but now I'm a mum I should expand my diet to be a better role model. x

  • Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. Your partner is a big part of the problem, he sounds controlling and insecure to me. So maybe you need some help with that too. I hope you have good friends that you can talk to. As for the weight, you can do it. Do it quietly and with determination and don't be put off by negative comments. Do it for yourself and use every opportunity to do some exercise, even if it is difficult. Walking is great for over all health and gets you out and about, and together with a healthier approach to eating you will shape up. You are the best judge of how you look and feel, so don't let negativity cloud your judgement. Lots of support here too.

  • Thank you. I've got some of the best friends I just feel really embarrassed weighing myself and talking to them about my weight in depth. I know they wouldn't judge me I just still can't do it. I know I can do it I've just got to except that it won't happen over night, I've got a big mountain to climb and even if I fall over a couple of times I've got to just get back up and keep climbing instead of running back down the mountain to the nearest restaurant. x

  • You've had good advice and information already. I note you say 'ex' partner. I'm very glad that he's 'ex'! From what you say about your family, it sounds as if you've always had negative criticism and have begun to feel, after years, that this is all you can expect, everyone you come into contact with is going to be critical and negative. No, definitely not.

    It takes time to change a way of thinking. Food is not a comfort. It may feel like it, for a while, when you have no other comfort. Think of it this way: everyone on this earth has something in their life that they'd prefer not to have. By sitting and eating all night, could they change things, could they get rid of the things they'd rather not have? Eating a whole cake or a box of chocolates will not alter things, not at all.

    I hope you find the strength never again to give house-room to a guy like your ex. If he ever wants to come back, say 'There's the door'.

    You need small successes and then to build on that success, to achieve the weight loss that you want. Don't bother with so-called 'diets'. Just eat normally and sensibly. Once you've had a meal, you don't need any more. Eating when you're not hungry will not make your problems go away.

    You could have a word with your GP about your depression and your obesity.

    I was the slimmest I've ever been when I had littlies because I never stopped running around after them and, of course, there wasn't the ever-present food, snacks, sweets, you name it. They just were not there.


  • I've spoken to my GP about my depression and have started attending a group once a week. My GP told me about this site and told me to go on here for support around the clock, I've agreed to go there once a fortnight to get weighed in private and talk through how I feel about my weight. I can't stick to strict diets I like my junk food I've just got to get back to eating it in moderation. I'm hoping that by talking more about how I feel I will be able to stop reaching for the food and can instead reach for my phone and call someone to talk it through. x

  • I agree with the comments above- good job he's an ex, you don't need that sort of criticism in your life.

    I never stop running around after my littlies either, but it doesn't seem to do me any good, I'm always in the kitchen clearing up after/ preparing before the endless meals, and coffee and toast feel a bit like lifesavers to me, especially if the day is dragging.

    Perhaps one of the many exercise DVDs could help, if you are stuck in with a baby?

    The very best of luck and strength to you, I think you've found the right place to come for help :-)

  • Thank you I have dug out all my old exercise dvds and intend to start them (the easiest one first to build up my fitness again). I looked at this website a few months ago but I wasn't sure how I felt talking about my weight with people but I came round to the idea because it still feels private no one really knows who I am I can get the support and advice I desperately need without having to stand on scales in front of anyone. x

  • You are very right not to want a fad diet that will make you lose weight quickly. That will be difficult to maintain in the long term. I have been using the nhs weight loss plan. ( nhs.uk/Livewell/weight-loss... ) It has been working (when I stick to it) and although it may appear slow it is healthy and safe.

    Starting to eat more healthily is daunting and scary as being overweight can be 'safe' in a strange way as its easy to keep up that expectation. I also struggle with keeping interested in food, I use recipes from the Hairy Dieters books which are really tasty and good for you and lots are available online.

    One of the hardest parts of things are being able to keep your head in the game and stop your depression from keeping you down. The advice to get help is very good and it is an important part of helping yourself. If you are scared or reluctant to use counselling or see your GP you can try using a website called MoodGym. But don't be afraid of needing and accepting help.

    Take care of yourself and remember you are beautiful xx

  • Aww thank you. I will have to look up some of these recipes. Yeah I know what you mean I was (and still am if I'm honest) convinced that I am fat and ugly and I do believe I will be on my own for ever but I'd rather be on my own than with him. I like my food and I like the wrong foods the most so believing I was ugly and fat anyway I might as well have the things I want. I didn't really think about my health until after I left him. x

  • Your ex partner sounds like a controlling bully.........would love to see his face when you have lost the amount of weight that YOU want to loose.

    The first step is always the hardest but you sound like a strong lady. SO take control of your own life & ignore everyone else........God Bless

  • Thank you I was always strong until I met him but I can be again I will get there. Everything will happen in time. He really isn't a very nice man but he's gone now so I've just got to find the old me. x

  • I know how you feel, but im really trying iv only lost 2lb this month I go to zumba classes twice a week cut a load of crap out of my diet. But iv lost 16 lb since April so just keep goin good look xx

  • Well done. And what's with this "only lost 2lb this month"? Every pound adds up!! A weight loss is a weight loss. You've done really well losing weight is hard be proud of every pound and inch lost. x

  • Yes! 2 pounds is 2 pounds. Small successes can be used to build on for bigger successes.

  • First of all, I'm glad that he's already an 'ex'. Try to adopt a healthy life style which is very important for your health, take a proper sleep, eat fruits and green vegetables. Weight loss comes down to simple math. You have to eat fewer calories than you burn. You should also keep moving and have a regular exercise. You can use some products like body wraps or a firming lotion for your stretch marks.And always remember that you are not a screw-up, a failure neither an embarrassment. Learn to love and accept yourself as you are. It is important to remember that there is so much more to life than your weight.

  • Thank you I'm trying to accept myself as me but it's hard after being put down for so many years. I'm taking the slow and steady path to a healthier lifestyle cutting down on the junk food each day and reducing the amount I eat each day. As for the exercise my fitness levels are lower than I thought but I'll work with what I've got. x

  • Yes, this is the point - after years of cr*p it will take time. I'm fortunate in that I've never had this in a relationship, but I do remember - even after all these years - stuff from school or people who knew me as a child. The bullying that went on at school and the negative 'oh she's no good at...' and 'oh she'll never...' I even had those voices in my head after a busy working life was done with and I did family history for that reason, to lay some ghosts, then, in my 70th year, I did GCSE Maths. Never again the 'oh she's no good at sums'. These things have a terrible long-lasting effect, but you must NOT allow them to spoil your life. We only have one life to live, don't waste it! Small successes will help, because you build on a small success and go on to a bigger challenge. Do something you enjoy doing, doesn't matter what it is.

    I think that those of us who grew up without the all-pervading junk food everywhere were fortunate. I've recently read about McD's, in the last 40 years they've completely changed the way people eat in our country. We never go there, but apparently it's a 'treat' for the little ones, and every time we go past our local one there's a queue of cars at all times of day and night, you never see it not busy.

  • im also struggling with weightloss too, lets do it together. for breakfest i have a protien drink and inbetween i have some fruite. at lunch time i have some boneless chicken and put it in a salad. at super time i have a healthy meal. the key is protien. i put flax ceed in my protien drink because it keeps u full longer. i also go to the gym 4 days a week. my ex used to do the same thing to me. u have to learn to love your self.

  • im also struggling with weightloss too, lets do it together. for breakfest i have a protien drink and inbetween i have some fruite. at lunch time i have some boneless chicken and put it in a salad. at super time i have a healthy meal. the key is protien. i put flax ceed in my protien drink because it keeps u full longer. i also go to the gym 4 days a week. my ex used to do the same thing to me. u have to learn to love your self.

  • I just want a bit more information on flaxseed , miss Harleychick.

  • Flax seed u put in anything u eat or drink. It fills u up more instead of over eating. Use it 2x a day.

  • I've never heard of flax ceed? Where can I buy it from? Yeah I'd like to do it together. x

  • You can get it at any super market in the health food section.

  • Thank you I will have to get some and give it a try. x

  • Be careful with flax seed, just try a little to start with. It can give you stomach ache and gas. If you have any gut problems, it's not a good idea to have it.

  • Hi, ive been a big girl all my life and untill recently i hated myself and my body and can relate to your story about loosing weight then putting it all back on.

    Since june this year ive been using an app on my mobile called my fitness pal, which helps you count calories. You put your height and weight in and it will calculate how many calories you can eat a day. By using this app ive lost 4 st 5 lbs and am lighter now than ive been in years, i still have a long wsy to go but im determined to get where i want to be this time.

    Im also going to the gym a few times a week.

    I wish you well in your journey and know that you can do it xx

  • Wow well done. You keep going. I'll have to have a look at the app and see if it works for me. Thank you. x

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