G’day family. Today is VE day, so of course thank you to all that have served. VE day is Victory in Europe When the National SocialistsGerman Working Mens Party (NAZI’s) surrendered in Europe in World War 2 in case “YOU” did not know. In a few months, the Japanese will surrender as well, but it will take two atomic bombs to bring them to their knees. Bit of history for “YOU” , did “YOU” enjoy that? 
Anyway back to the more important stuff. Relapsing-Remitting ms (RRms). It is a disease that I have carried around for over twenty year. I was told the other day by she who must be obeyed that she has carried hers for twenty-four years. I am not so sure about mine as I really do not pay attention to the exact date. I am sure I could look it up if I really cared Yes, over the years I have really started to not care when my ms life started, I merely have to do my best to live it.
This is not to say that I have not been scared. Really, really scared. To go to bed at night dreading the pain that will come in a few hours. Knowing that there is nothing that I or anybody can do to make it go away. Yet still knowing that it is coming and that it will come again and again. People seem to think that being on a motorized scooter or using a cane is scary and something to be feared. To me they are not so bad, maybe because they are not critical, merely conveniences. I know that when she who must be obeyed used hers, she was more frustrated than angry. She, does not use them now so they just gather dust in the garage. Up to me to keep moving them and shifting the dust around. IVIG infusions helped her and they have worked for years.
I am pretty sure that I feared the pain mostly, and if I could cope another night. Whoever says that there is no pain in RRms is lying or they do not know what they are talking about. I think there is, but that is from my non medically trained experience. Over the years I made rules for myself. Rules to help me live and to live by. The most important and most used,
Rule 1 I can not deliberately cause myself harm
It changes depending upon the moment but it is always there. I can not in anyway harm myself accidentally or deliberately. When I overdosed I was not alone, she who must be obeyed was there and had an idea that I was in trouble. She may not have known exactly what I did, but I was not alone and helpless. Temper your stupid actions with a little thought before “YOU” hurt yourself. Make sure that somebody close knows what “YOU” are doing. Keep a handy list of what “YOU” have been taking. Being reckless with your safety is not the way to live with this disease, and the aim is to “LIVE” with this illness. Not to die because of it, sadly it is our lot in this life to die with it. After a very long and bumpy life.
Royce (your ms writer)
the aim is always to live, die with a smile on your face at age 99, it is okay to be scared
