Question

[Pikedale221]

My OCD seems to come in episodes every few years I've read that some people are on meds the rest of they're life in my normal state of mind I'm not depressed or sad like I am now so would I be safe to assume I won't have to be on meds forever .. I'm worried that it'll somehow change my true self

[IStillHaveHope]

Hi. Like you I was initially very hesitant to take medicine. I thought it would change me fundamentally and that scared me a lot. However now that I've been on medication for about 14 years and I know that isn't true. The medicine isn't a "happy pill" and it doesn't change the core "you". What I've found, is that it tampers down the extreme anxiety I felt and allowed me to start challenging my OCD. Before that, it was extremely difficult. It also makes the thoughts "less sticky" so that I can actually move on from them and forget them for a time. Actually that bothered me for a bit when I first noticed since I had never been able to before ☺️

It isn't all positive though. I have noticed that I don't get as excited about things as I used to, but I would gladly take that over the way I was before. I remember the first time the medicine started to work. It was about day 10 and I started my usual checking routine. I got to one of the locks I would check repeatedly and I realized that, for the first time, that I could ignore it slightly. When this happened I actually broke down in tears. For as long as I could remember I wasn't able to just do this when I was spiraling in OCD. Everyone is different though so your mileage may vary.

[Pikedale221 in reply to IStillHaveHope]

I've never had physical compulsions like locks or anything like that ... I guess my freak out is not feeling like I did before this ... Which everyone's telling me I'll be same and won't need meds forever cuz I didn't before... With my theme it's hocd and with meds it feels like I can't think at all

[Pikedale221 in reply to Pikedale221]

I guess part of me doesn't understand the constant 24/7 intrusive thoughts or physical aspect like checking locks or the stove counting stuff like that cuz that hasn't been my experience and I know I liked myself in my normal state of mind so I'd think I wouldn't need meds forever... My OCD has always been cycles of 1 month to 9 months and I get back to my normal thought process... My apologies if what I'm saying is insensitive I don't mean it to be just trying to explain my experience

[IStillHaveHope in reply to Pikedale221]

No need to apologize. No offense taken. I thought like you to. I would be good for a while, then relapse, then good again, repeat. Like I said the medicine tends to even things out so you don't have those swings. I know for me it was worth it since my lows were so bad and weren't affecting just me, but my family as well. Ultimately is up to you since everyone is different

[Pikedale221]

How long far apart was your episodes with them the first to second episode was 8 years and this one's almost 4 years apart

[IStillHaveHope in reply to Pikedale221]

They've varied as my life has. I think it's tied to stress. It's been anywhere from a few months to several years in between.

[Sallyskins]

It's true that OCD lies low and then pops up again. There is some indication that medication can have a dampening down effect on the mind, but modern medication is not the chemical cosh that it used to be.

About ten years ago I was prescribed aripiprazole in a low dose - 5 mg a day - to supplement the sertraline I was already on, and still am. I found it made me feel more like my old self - colours regained their brightness!

The problem with stopping medication is that it makes OCD more likely to pop its ugly head up again. As far as I'm concerned, medication makes me able to do things, which I wouldn't be able to do so easily without it.

As a teenager I was very intense - and periods of intense elation would be followed by a bout of depression. I think there is some bipolar there in me. And I started to dread the elation, because the depression would follow.

To be honest, neither intense elation nor depression are useful or helpful states of mind. I prefer to be a little less up-and-down. I'm still me - and I'm sure you will still be you, whether you're on medication or not.

[Pikedale221 in reply to Sallyskins]

So you think I'll return to my old self after this episode?

[Sallyskins in reply to Pikedale221]

I'm sure that your old self is still in there somehow! It hasn't disappeared. It's just that OCD takes up so much energy that you can feel like it's lost. But it isn't.

It could be that the current medication prescribed for OCD doesn't suit you. It doesn't suit some people. I notice that you say that with medication, you can't think at all.

That being the case, perhaps you're better off them. There is a substance, naturally occurring, called inositol, which has had some promising results in studies when used by people with OCD. It can be bought over the counter in some health food shops and chemists/drugstores. No prescription is needed.

Large doses are required - around 18 g a day - that's grams, not milligrams! Side effects are few and it's safe to take.

I haven't tried it myself, but it might be worth exploring if you feel you need a little bolstering but don't like to take conventional medication.

Check it out online - there's plenty of information, including some on the IOCDF website.

I think our true selves are pretty resilient - and I'm sure you can get yours back, if you feel you've lost it.

[Pikedale221 in reply to Sallyskins]

My main theme is hocd I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 8 years.... When I convinced myself I'm gay the physical anxiety went away I've read that you're brain can convince you of something to get you out of fight or flight mode?

[Sallyskins in reply to Pikedale221]

It's difficult to know, but I suppose it's one way of dealing with it. But the best way is to be able to live with a little doubt, hard though it is! And not to care about the doubt.

[IStillHaveHope in reply to Sallyskins]

That comment about being very intense as a teenager stuck out to me since I think I was similar. I used to tell people that everything I felt, I felt intensely. I would have emotional highs where I felt elated and connected to everything but also very sad and defeated at my lows. I didn't fear the highs; in fact I kind of miss them. I do get close to that sometimes, but it is probably a combination of medicine and old age that prevents it

[Madonna4]

Hi. I was also afraid to take medications for the 2nd time and I thought that I could get over my thoughts and change my behavior only through therapy but the medication was life changing!!!! I am back to my true self not a lot of anxiety not a lot of thoughts, I can practice better what I've learned in therapy and I think I will stay on meds for the rest of my life.

I have some side effects but they don't really cause me much distress. I prefer to be on meds than to struggle and suffer everyday..I wasn't even living before I was barely surviving now I can start living again.

[Pikedale221 in reply to Madonna4]

My theme is hocd and its episodic... By your true self do you mean you feel exactly how did before the episode started? Also I've read a little bit about changing behavior do they mean like when the intrusive thought comes so you won't sprail? I liked the person I was before this episode my thought process morals and just who I was as a person

[Madonna4 in reply to Pikedale221]

By my true self I mean like I'm finally discovering who I really am and what are my strengths and how I need to trust myself. Before this episode OCD was still really controlling me because last time I only took medications didn't go to therapy because I didn't believe I had OCD and I wasn't ready to confront it.By changing behaviors I mean how do you relate to your thoughts and are you doing a lot of compulsions to try to give yourself reassurance and you try to convince yourself that the thoughts aren't true.

Because our thoughts don't mean anything they are just words...

At the end the medications helps me to be my true self and they help me to be more stable and they reduce my thoughts and my feelings.

I hope I answered your question.