Hi! I’ve developed a huge fear of developing schizophrenia and truly accepting it. My mom has it (untreated) and knowing that increases my chances slightly just makes this so much worse.
I can’t do that to my family. I started with harm OCD after my first baby and it’s seemed to have flared again right before having my 2nd with this theme.
I’m terrified of being paranoid even though I know those thoughts aren’t true, what if I one day believe they are?!
I don’t want to say plural “we, our, they” things because maybe that’ll make me think I’m talking to a 2nd person that isn’t there.
I’m in therapy and get told to do exposures at home but I just feel stuck. I’m also on Zoloft but really get in my head when I’m just by myself and terrified to be with my toddler by myself just incase something were to happen.
any advice on getting over this theme would be so appreciative! I know WAY too much about schizophrenia thanks to google and what my mom goes through.
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OCDAnxiety
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Thanks to google, as you say, you know about the early signs of schizophrenia. So, the first question to ask is, do you have good reasons to believe, based on evidence and common sense, that your fear of developing schizophrenia is substantiated? If not, why can’t you content yourself with good reasons to believe your fear is baseless? This is the main challenge of OCD: one finds it difficult to differentiate between imagined possibilities and real probabilities. Everything is possible, but some things are more probable than others. For instance, it’s possible to catch a disease if one touches a doorknob barehanded, but it’s not probable. So, the next question is, how not to let a possibility occupy one’s mind and wrongly become a probability?
The human mind tends to doubt what it desires to doubt and to believe what it desires to believe. In other words, it’s difficult to believe our senses and common sense that something is real when we don’t want it to be real, or to doubt that something will happen when we want it to happen. For example, I couldn’t believe my car wouldn’t start again when I broke down nighttime in the middle of nowhere. That probability was temporarily too depressing to believe it.
It's why exposure and response prevention, or ERP, is so useful. You let an unjustified fear subside by not giving in to it, by not nurturing it, by not dwelling on it, and with the passing of time, your assessment of the probability of the occurrence of an undesirable future event will become more realistic. It’s not always easy, it takes time, but it’s worth it in the long term.
Mas como funciona o ERP no toc de dano? Que pensamos em fazer mal as pessoas q mais amamos, tipo envenenar, matar e etc? Esses pensamento me dói na alma, sinto uma angústia grandiosa 😭
If you give credibility to the thought of harming people you love the most, of course it hurts your soul. With ERP, you acknowledge a random unwanted thought, don’t give it any meaning, and move to something else. With good experiences, you rebuild your trust in yourself and your intentions. Unwanted thoughts will fade on their own with the passing of time. It takes work and time, but it’s worth it in the end.
First and foremost, very well written! Definitely not trying to seek reassurance but this theme hits home due to the family ties. I never would have thought I’d be in a place to even think that but wow our minds can just take off.
I’ve been trying to figure out compulsions too since I feel like a lot of mine are mental outside of googling and instagram accounts.
Like I’ve heard labeling thoughts as intrusive could be a mental compulsion. I just feel like I could be doing it wrong.
You said, "I just feel like I could be doing it wrong". I understand it's not easy to live with the possibility of doing something wrong. However, If you have good reasons to believe you're doing something right it'easier to live with the possibility of doing something wrong because even if the worst-case scenario does occur your conscience is your side, which makes it easier to recover from an unfortunate event. Causing or suffering harm through no fault of your own doesn't feel the same as causing or suffering harm for which you're responsible.
Personally, when I need to form an opinion or make a decision, I say to myself, "If I choose a particular path, I could make a mistake, but if I keep deliberating instead of arriving to a conclusion or acting, problems will accumulate in my life, whether I like or not; so I need to make the best possible choice given the information available at the time and within a reasonable time frame". I know that if I start seeking absolute certainty before reaching a conclusion, which is typical of OCD, the battle is lost from the start because it's demoralizing and my ability to decide is reduced as morale declines.
As always deValantine gives great advice. I can relate to what you’re saying. I had the fears of hurting my children. This would come and go and when my son was in his last year of hs I had a horrible fear I would hurt him. One night my husband was away and we were alone in the house. I will never forget this night. I had so much anxiety I barely slept. When the sun came up I started to relax. The point being is your OCD mind is powerful but YOU are not powerless! Being with your toddler is ERP. The more you are with him the better.
As for the schizophrenia theme. It’s something you know is in your family and your OCD brain has focused on it. It knows that you obsessing over it gives OCD the attention it needs. It doesn’t matter the theme. I once had the theme I would get cancer. It’s all OCD pulling you in . Don’t feed the beast!! You can do this.
Esse é o meu maior medo, não ter controle sobre o TOC e fazer mal a quem eu mais amo. As vezes o TOC vem e fala, vai lá faz assim pra matar eles. Eu fico desesperada de dor só em ter esses pensamentos horríveis.
Thank you! Yes, it’s a very real fear and even though I know genetics don’t guarantee it I have just seen so much with my mom that I start questioning my reality. So debilitating.
When I was 12 I saw some random show on tv where the woman had schizophrenia. Combined with religious-based OCD from a young age, a family friend having schizophrenia, and my mom having anxiety... this become one of my fears during childhood.
I have no history of it in my family, but just became extremely scared of developing it!
It has been on and off, in 2019 I had these thoughts (fear of developing schizophrenia, losing control) and now in 2024 I have had them to some extent.
Now what I've done to deal with it is accept the thought (before I would push it away).
I can say okay, maybe that is possible. But also, does any sign in the world around me show me that this will happen (outside of my own mind's fear?) No.
When I have this particular fear, I like to ground myself with 5 things I can see/touch/smell around me.
It helps me to think about things that are happening right now. That makes the imagined situations in my mind less real. I like to deal with things happening second by second (now i'm crossing the street, now I'm reading this sign, now I'm adjusting my bags... etc)
I've also heard schizophrenia can often be associated with excess unbound copper in the body. Maybe look into this?
Thanks for this! I find it really hard to stay grounded in the moment so here for all the tips. I also work from home so trying not to isolate myself with also working and being a mom can be challenging.
I imagine being a new mom and being at home alone can feel so isolating in and of itself!
I'm not a mom but I've heard this is super common for new moms to feel the fear or 'hurting the baby'. Think about it, during our evolution, we were never alone with our child! It is normal to have an anxious response probably because a part of your brain is thinking, I'm alone with this baby/toddler- it isn't normal!
Make sure you reach out to who you can, maybe even tell some people you would love for them to check in on you or have a chat every thursday, for example.
Hi OCDAnxiety, have you been formally diagnosed with OCD or Schizophrenia? I’ve been working with psych professionals for years and they all tell me a formal dx of Schizophrenia needs to between a certain age window. I’ve forgotten the cutoff age but if you talk to a psych professional they will surely tell you if you ask.
I’ve been diagnosed with OCD. I’m currently 31 female so per Google and other health sites, graphs I meet the age for women. My mom also didn’t get all the symptoms until her 40s which obviously doesn’t make me feel any better. I just know I can’t become her for my family etc. Which is me resisting to accept even more. It’s HARD to try to just accept maybe I will be her knowing how much she has struggled without receiving any treatment. I’ve cut off communication from her for the last several years just because I couldn’t deal with hearing her episodes on my voicemail. Then knowing genetically it can increase my risk I live in the maybe this is the prodromal stage, even though I know there is still a 90% chance I won’t get it.
Hence trying to get over this theme is so hard for me.
I can understand that. In my opinion, I identify with these diagnoses too much so I have excepted myself exactly the way I am regardless of a DSM label. It’s just too stressful caring about it.
Hello - I know this is an older post, but it resonated with me since I had this theme as well when I was younger. I was terrified of having schizophrenia after seeing people who had it on the TV as well as 2 of my uncles having it as well.
One of the components of OCD is that the suffer feels they wouldn't be able to handle the consequences if said thought came true. I used to think that if I had schizophrenia my life would be ruined and that I would be miserable for all of it. I know now this isn't true. Schizophrenia is a mental disease just like any other and there is treatment for it. The people who have it deserve compassion and understanding just as any sick person should. It isn't easy, but people with the disorder are able to live fulfilling lives. Besides I already know I got at least one mental disease with the OCD
Also, as I got older I realized that the likelihood of having Schizophrenia got lower and lower since it's typically diagnosed in people who are in their late teens.
I'm not a doctor or therapist, but it sounds like you have a fear of losing control of yourself since your themes are around harm and schizophrenia. This is a very common OCD theme. OCD tells us the opposite about ourselves so I can deduce that you are likely a very kind and compassionate person who doesn't want to hurt anyone. If you were you wouldn't come on this website to ask about it.
Sorry if I rambled a bit. I hope this was somewhat useful. I hope you find the peace you deserve my friend. God bless you.
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