Hi everyone! I don't come on here as much anymore because I've been going to therapy and doing a lot better lately, but right now I'm having a major flare up and I don't know what to do. I just went to therapy yesterday, so I have to wait an entire week to go back and ask her about this. Today I came across an article that was talking about schizophrenia/psychosis. I'm now extremely paranoid I'm going to develop these and lose control of myself and something awful will happen. I can't stop analyzing myself and seeing if I seem like it's happening/going to happen to me. It's been 2 hours now that I've been ruminating and it's just getting worse (ive been home alone, my mom's coming home now). The more I ruminate about it the worse my anxiety is getting, now I'm hysterically crying. I don't know how to do ERP for this right now cuz it's all.making it worse. I usually tell myself something like "I may or may not know if XYZ will happen, I will accept the uncertainty and move on " but it is NOT working in this situation. I posted a similar post on the NOCD app, and someone who actually had experienced psychosis commented and said all the ways to know if you're about to to have a psychotic episode which made it so much worse. He said something like "well just make sure you don't believe in an alternate universe and if you do tell someone". I freaked out even more because my existential OCD has always made me panic that what if everything isn't real and theres other realities I'm not aware of, etc. Please help I don't know how to snap myself out of this one 😭nothing is distracting me. This is my worst flare up in so long. I've been going a week at a time with virtually no symptoms and only slight flare ups until now.
P.s the original post I read about psychosis was to do with having a "mental health crisis" and it was listing the warning signs and talked about psychosis. And the person who posted it said they had a mental health crisis when their OCD was at its worst. I don't understand how I'm supposed to just calm down about something like this. My biggest fear is losing control of myself and having my intrusive thoughts come true, which is basically what psychosis is. I didn't completely know this until now. I knew I wasn't in control of my thoughts, but I was comfortable because my therapists always reminds me im in control of my mind and my actions. Reading about psychosis just ruined this for me.