Really struggling

[RUtalkingtome]

Today while standing in my driveway with my firewood guy, the couple pulled out on the street and the woman, who was in the passenger seat looked right at me and held the look, again not very friendly. I'm struggling with trying to understanding what her effing problem is. It's September 10 and my worries/fears have been dragging me down for 22 days now.

healthunlocked.com/my-ocd/p....

Everything else is going very well with my other neighbors -- as it has been in all the years we've been here. I've tried to limit eye contact with people whether in a car or on the street, but normal people continue to make eye contact with me and trade waves. I'm the one altering my behavior because of fear.

Yesterday a young woman walked by our window and took a long gander at me and my wife and I asked my wife if she thought the woman looked at us a little too long. My wife rolled her eyes and said no, "no crime was committed., please stop this."

I'm wearing myself and my wife out not knowing what is up with this person.

I see my therapist Thursday at 11am. I need get this behind me.

[Sallyskins]

How about asking yourself why these people would have any interest in you? How do you 'know' they're being hostile or trying to make you feel uncomfortable?

They could have all sorts of things going on in their heads - not about you at all! In any case, people do often take an interest in their surroundings, when they're not preoccupied with their own thoughts.

Does it matter what they think of you - if they think badly of you at all?

[RUtalkingtome in reply to Sallyskins]

"Does it matter what they think of you - if they think badly of you at all?"

God point, and something the wife and me have discussed recently. I think it only matters because they're so close to us. I generally like to have good relations with my neighbors and I/we do, this couple just has a demeanor towards me that makes me insecure.

[Sallyskins in reply to RUtalkingtome]

It's only natural to want to get on with other people, particularly when you're liable to bump into them at any time! As I said, other people could just be away with their own thoughts and simply happen to be looking in your direction, or they could just be curious or downright nosy!

If this woman really does have a problem with you, then that's her problem, since you've done nothing to harm or upset her.

Do let us know how it goes with your therapist.

[Midori]

Hi there, If you are thinking about personal privacy, why not invest in some vertical blinds; The make it much harder to see in as you can adjust the blinds to the angle you want them. They aren't too expensive unless you have acres of windows, It would only be the front and maybe some side windows you would need them.

Cheers, Midori

[Mom2DnJ]

Feelings are not facts. Until someone tells you they have a problem with you it is a feeling. If they ever do tell you then you are more than capable of figuring out a solution. Ask your wife if she can simple respond “that’s OCD asking and I won’t answer OCD.” When you ask for reassurance. Also your wife is perfectly capable of managing her own feelings and how/when she engages with others so why would you say you are wearing her out? That seems like OCD is being sneaky.

[RUtalkingtome in reply to Mom2DnJ]

Thanks for responding.

I'm wearing her out with the reassurance seeking, she's patient, but we created some rules yesterday so I don't rely on her too much. Seeing therapist tomorrow, will brush up on CBT. And you basically said what my wife said about me having no idea what the woman could be thinking. Until I know anything, all the worry is just a waste of time, wife says.

"She can think whatever she wants, it's her life, and you shouldn't care what she thinks because you didn't do anything wrong."

[SCC1 in reply to RUtalkingtome]

I have this exact problem. I want to know why others may be looking at me when I feel I didn't do anything to offend them. This used to be a bigger problem for me but I'm learning not to care what people think. I feel that if someone has a problem with me, they should tell me. If they want to stare, they can. If they really do have a problem with me and they're not going to tell me what it is, that's their problem.

I agree with Sallyskins, that maybe the woman who walked by your window just happened to notice you and your wife and just looked in your direction just to see what you guys were doing out of plain curiosity. When people pass me in a store, I feel they look at me too long, but that could be my interpretation of that. I've talked to my therapist about this and she said people could have other things on their mind and their staring may not even be about me.

Maybe they are not even aware that they're looking. Imo, it's just something that comes naturally when people see other people.

I've had this stuff happen to me my whole life and I know it's time to just not care what people are thinking. I still wonder why others are looking (too) long at me, but I have to let that go. And when I do wonder about it, I can't let it control me or cause me to get sucked in by it. Like I mentioned (and it does help me), I don't need to give a crap what others are thinking. Even if it were totally true that they were looking at me for some reason, that's their problem. If they aren't going to say anything to me, it's not that important and they can think all they want.

I know it's very difficult to be in this situation and when you see your therapist, hopefully she can give you some advice.

Good luck!

[Scouns]

I want you to know that you are not alone in this. You are experiencing paranoia, a very common part of ocd. Are you doing erp or I-cbt? Not just regular cbt? I can give you more info on I-cbt which is what has helped me with your exact problem. I was terrified of a weird look or a strange number on my phone or thinking someone is mad at me. Now I just say-“I don’t give a shit” and somehow it works now.

[Hidden]

I do the exact same thing, and then I kinda do the same thing back to others checking to see if they're doing it like the last person... Makes it hard to want to go for walks....

Can be fallout from getting enough dirty looks in life. My buddy told me the more we look, and notice those things, the more we start to ruminate on them.

Could also be that O.C.D. is constant checking. I do a little wave to a couple I don't know, I really hope they don't think I'm weird now! Heh

Take care