Struggling with OCD

[Janny_eny]

I’ve been struggling with OCD for a long time. When I see a very beautiful girl, I sometimes get this intense feeling that I like her. The thought keeps repeating, asking me, “Do you like her? Test again.” These thoughts really bother me because I am attracted to men, not women. I used to have a crush on a female K-pop idol, and I also had a similar thought that I was attracted to her, but I didn’t let it bother me. Being sexually attracted to someone is different from these confusing feelings. Right now, though, the pressure these thoughts cause me is overwhelming. How can I stop these thoughts?

[deValentin]

Sexual orientation OCD is characterized by an obsessional wondering about which gender you’re attracted to. How can I stop these thoughts, you ask. Well, you can’t prevent thoughts from popping into your head. It’s beyond our control. However, we can choose not to dwell or act on them.

The problem is that it’s difficult not to dwell on a thought that’s disturbing you. For instance, if I’m driving on the highway and I hear a strange noise coming from the engine, the thought that there may be something wrong with the engine and I may make it worse if I keep on driving may come to my mind. The thought is disturbing, so it’s very difficult to dismiss it. The difficulty to dismiss it is forcing me to stop and maybe avoid causing further damage to the engine.

The thought that you may be attracted to women is bothering you, and that makes it hard to set it aside. So, a better question to ask would be, how can I make these thoughts less disturbing? instead of, how can I stop them?

There are many techniques to make thoughts less disturbing: don’t try to suppress them, don’t give them any meaning, don’t dwell on them, don’t argue with them, don’t try to solve with 100% certainty the problem they raise, just notice them as an independent observer would, focus on matters that are really important to you, etc. It may be not always easy, but after a while, you’ll see them fade away on their own.

[Grouseman]

hello Janny, this is all OCD. The same intrusive thoughts happen with me and many others with OCD. For years I wondered if I was attracted to men (I’m male) because of these thoughts. Then as OCD does you ruminate about the thoughts. The best thing to do about them is to ignore them. Pay no attention to them. It’s difficult at first but as you continue to “practice “ this you will master it. Hang in there! Don’t let the OCD win. God bless

[Janny_eny in reply to Grouseman]

How are you now? Is your OCD completely cured now?

[Grouseman in reply to Janny_eny]

Hi, everyone is unique in their experience and mild to severe cases of OCD. Mine stared at 12 years old with contamination OCD. I am now 65 years old and I still have OCD. Unfortunately it is often times chronic without a cure BUT you can reduce symptoms and lead a happy life even with OCD. I have been married for 40 years and my wife and I have 3 great children and 4 grandchildren. I can honestly say I’ve had a fulfilling life even with OCD. There are therapies and medications that can help. Live your best life

[Janny_eny in reply to Grouseman]

Did you get rid of your sexual orientation ocd? You have a wife , Did she know about that? I also have a husband... But I didn't let him know that ... Because what if he misunderstood .

[Grouseman in reply to Janny_eny]

No, I still have sexual orientation ocd and my wife is aware that I have ocd and some of my intrusive thoughts. Does your husband know you have ocd? Personally I don’t think we need to share all our thoughts with people close to us. I’m not sure there are advantages to doing so unless you feel like you need to talk to someone. Sharing those thoughts with a therapist is always fine. They have heard it all before. You know who you are. You’re a heterosexual woman. Your thoughts are a disease like cancer or anything else and not your fault. No one asks for ocd. Separate who you are from the thoughts. Don’t give them any power over you, just ignore them as I mentioned in a previous message. Things will be better and tolerable

[IStillHaveHope]

Hello - I'm sorry you're having a difficult time right now. I really am. Struggling with OCD can be overwhelming. There are many ways to deal with OCD. Therapies include Exposure Response Prevention (ERP) therapy, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, (ACT), Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), and more. This is usually used in conjunction with medicine; either Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors (SSRIs) or Serotonin Norepinephrine Reuptake Inhibitors (SNRIs). The good news is that something like %80+ of people who engage in these therapies see a reduction in their OCD symptoms.

It's important to remember that the goal of these treatments is not to never think an OCD thought again. The goal is to allow the OCD thoughts to occur and to just "be" with them. The problem isn't the context of the thought but the feeling associated with it. For some reason, people with OCD have trouble moving from one thought to the next. These "sticky" thoughts appear to cause an overreaction within the amygdala, if I remember correctly. This is a part of the brain that takes care of our fight-or-flight response and is where the anxiety comes from. We associate the thought with these feelings and try to do something to alleviate it (i.e. the compulsions). The medicine reduces the intensity of the anxiety and allows us to perform the therapy to face what is bothering us so much. Over time our brains rewire themselves since they don't perceive the thought as dangerous. This greatly reduces the intensity and frequency of these OCD thoughts.

That's the science part out of the way, but I've found that the emotion part is the most difficult. OCD can make us feel worthless, or depressed, or broken. It's important to remember that this isn't true. OCD is a liar and a bully who tells you the exact opposite about yourself. It can make you feel so isolated and alone, but again this isn't true. The truth is that there are literally millions of people out there who want (and can) help. All you need to do is ask. The good news is that it is completely possible to live a happy and productive life with OCD. I and many others on this website are proof of that. It isn't an easy journey though and there will be setbacks. However, from what I've seen, people with OCD are some of the most creative, thoughtful, and caring people out there. It may be that this disease allows us to develop our characters to a level that most other people don't. A bit of a silver lining I guess.

I don't know if this will help, but a while ago I put together a post detailing what I've learned dealing with OCD. Maybe it will be useful:

healthunlocked.com/my-ocd/p...

I truly hope you find the peace you deserve my friend. May God bless you.

[80_Zil_ian]

A very common form of OCD is embarrassing yourself in the sexual realm, with your mind bombarding you with sexual thoughts that produce the exact opposite of what sexual fantasies should—pleasure. These OCD-related sexual or romantic thoughts instead provoke repulsion. This is a ‘brother’ of Harm OCD and Religious OCD.