Newly diagnosed, need help

[greenwizard]

So I was diagnosed with OCD a couple of months ago. It wasn't a huge surprise since my mom has it as well but I'm having trouble identifying the behaviors I have that are OCD. I worry to the point of being paralyzed with indecision and have had uncontrollable habits since I was small but whenever I try to describe it to people I fall short. It makes me wonder if I really have OCD and because of this I have been hesitant to seek treatment or to even go back to my psychiatrist who diagnosed me. How am I supposed to understand my old if all of it seems perfectly normal to me? I don't like thinking about it at all because it terrifies me that no one knows what I'm going through and that I don't fully understand it myself.

Does anyone have any sort of advice? Maybe someone who's been in my position before?

[deValentin]

To worry to the point of being paralyzed with indecision may be a sign of OCD. When you have OCD, you feel unable to decide. Did I check my stove enough? Did I clean my hands enough? Did I run unnoticedly over a pedestrian? Does that unwanted thought, feeling or sensation make me a bad person? You can't decide, so you check again, you clean yourself more, you retrace your route, you ruminate some more, all this in the hope against hope that you will find an undeniable certainty or evidence that will end your incessant questioning and allow yourself to move on.

But no evidence or certainty is good enough in your eyes during an OCD peak, so you're caught in a trap because you think you have to eliminate all doubts in order to decide and move on to other activities, and doubts don't stop popping up in your mind. As soon as one doubt seems defeated, another one takes its place. What if I'm wrong and the worst-case scenario happens? This constant wondering makes you feel guilty because you neglect the other domains of you life, but you can't help persisting in your compulsive search for certainty because you don't know what else to do.

The key to recovery is to get used to a certain degree of uncertainty, learn to make decisions within a reasonable frame of time, and live the life you really want to live. I know it's not always easy, but there are plenty of people here on this forum who know from experience that it's possible.

[SCC1]

Idk if this is what your saying, but if it is, I have felt that way too, wondering if I really have something wrong with me, or does the dr's diagnosis fit me. Like are drs getting the full picture of what I explain because I don't know if I'm explaining it the right way or fully if I'm questioning it myself. It's an uncomfortable feeling. I had felt like I was "unstable" in my mind because I didn't feel like I was complete with knowing the answer. I could also compare my instability with feeling like I was on a surf board, going back and forth and not being flat on the water.

Whether this is how you feel or not, my advice would be to keep going to your psychiatrist and tell them exactly what you are feeling- about being unsure of things; tell them everything that you feel comfortable saying. The more you talk with your dr, the more they can help and hopefully can help you find some peace with whatever diagnosis they feel is right. The main thing is that you feel comfortable with whatever they think. If you still don't feel like they have it right, ask them what made them come to the conclusion of their diagnosis and have them explain things to you. You shouldn't have to figure this out by yourself.

[IStillHaveHope]

I'm not a doctor or a therapist but what you're describing sounds like OCD.

In the past OCD was called, "The doubting disease" and it can make you doubt just about anything (even if it's OCD to begin with!). What you're describing also sounds like what I went through when I was younger. I would worry about the strangest things and seek reassurance from the people around me. However, when I tried to describe what I was feeling they wouldn't understand and look at me like I had lobsters crawling out of my ears

I also know how hard it can be to seek treatment. I didn't seek treatment for a long time because I was scared and was also raised to see medication as a kind of weakness. However I can tell you that being on the other side is so so so much better. I realize now that I was forgoing the things I enjoyed because of the OCD and was letting it control my life. It doesn't have to be that way.

I put together a post for people just starting out a while ago. Perhaps you will find something of value in it. It just outlines some things I've learned on this journey.

healthunlocked.com/my-ocd/p...

I'm really sorry you're having trouble right now. I really am. I know how hard OCD can be. You're not alone though. There are literally millions of people out there that want (and can!) help. All you need to do is ask.

God bless you my friend.

[Hidden]

It is worth it to find treatment because ocd is so draining although it has been for so long. It is difficult to express yourself especially since they are many thoughts. Remember they said that ocd makes you doubt you have ocd.What i did that help me to express better is to on my notes (can be a piece of paper etc) i try to anotate the thoughts ,what i felt and compulsion (homework when they were diagnosing me) just write doesnt matter if you dont get it right or just know one or not the others. It is still difficult for me because sometimes it is hard to identify the thoughts but as I write the thoughts even if there were incomplete or just the theme it helps to identify them better as you practice. Sometimes is difficult, sometimes you are busy and you cant but dont write perfect just do it. Hope it helps.

[Cereal4li]

Something that has greatly helped me understand what is OCD is the book, "Free Yourself from OCD" by: Jonah Lakin. My therapist recommended it to me and it's been a huge help