I’ve been in a on and off fight with ocd for 5 years. It all started when I suffered a severe panic attack when I was 17 and I started getting health anxiety. I was constantly searching up symptoms and always thought I was gonna die. After a while my theme shifted to something else but at the time I didn’t know it was ocd and I struggled with it for a while before I told my parents I needed help and finally got therapy and meds. My experience with therapy wasn’t good at all though at the time. I felt like they never took me serious and just put me in group therapy with others and I would rarely get to see my therapist alone. The meds I got made me feel like a zombie and I felt I couldn’t function properly so I stopped taking them after a while. I struggled with it for a while on my own and it kinda went away on its own. During the last 5 years i had some days where my ocd would come back but it would go away in a day or two and I wouldn’t suffer so much from it or at all. 4 months ago i started feeling strange again I started getting really bad headaches where I though I was gonna pass out and I felt bad tension in my wrists. I got in a accident at work so I was let go and I took it as a chance to just relax and heal back since it was a hard labor job(Amazon). I spent most my time playing video games and watching movies sometimes hardly ever sleeping or running on 3 hours of sleep. My anxiety started to worsen because I started getting stomach problems and I was back to searching my symptoms and I started seeing people with similar symptoms finding out they had cancer and it put me back in panic mode I started to freak out and i went in for a check up but during my visit I felt normal my stomach pain wasn’t there and after I was done I went home and it was back so I started freaking out even more and I felt like I was going crazy. During that night my previous ocd theme came back in too and now that’s all I’ve got my mind on and I’ve been struggling with it for 2 month straight now. I thought I knew how this worked, I was sure I had beaten it but now it’s back and I feel just the same as I did 5 years ago and I don’t know how to fix it. There’s days where my anxiety is low and days where it’s really high and I burst out in tears from it. Some days I don’t even get thoughts or images but I still feel so much anxiety and like I have to worry over something and then I start to cry again. I don’t sleep in my room anymore because I feel so anxious and like I’m constantly in my head when I’m alone and so now I sleep in my parents room, But it wasn’t always like that I always spent my time in my room gaming with friends or watching shows or movies but now I stopped that completely because of the thoughts and anxiety I get from being in my room. It feels like I completely forgot how I use to function properly before this and it’s only been 2 months of constant anxiety and ocd. I have hope I can overcome this but then some days I just feel so overwhelmed and miserable. I thought going back to work would resolve my issue as I would have something to keep my mind busy but now I get anxiety and those thoughts and feelings at work too and it’s making my job harder. It just doesn’t feel the same anymore I’m constantly worrying over everything or over thinking everything and it feels like it would be easy to just stop worrying and thinking but it’s hard.
Anyone else feel the same?: I’ve been in a... - My OCD Community
Anyone else feel the same?
OCD often waxes and wanes. I know the feeling. OCD is often a combination of low morale, exposure to triggers, a misadapted response to triggers, and a snowball effect.
For instance, during a period of unemployment, you spent most of your time "playing video games and watching movies sometimes hardly ever sleeping or running on 3 hours of sleep". This is a sign and a source of being low in spirits. Then comes the trigger: "I started getting stomach problems". The effect of triggers on the self depends partly upon one's state of mind. So, that trigger, given your mood at the time, had an anxiety-causing effect on you. Afterwards, comes the compulsion: "I was back to searching my symptoms and I started seeing people with similar symptoms finding out they had cancer (additional trigger) and it put me back in panic mode". Compulsions relieves some anxiety for a while.
The whole process is self-feeding. The more you search for a haphazard solution to a problem that's disturbing you and the less you can find a solution to that problem, the more you're driven to pursue your search in spite of all odds if you don't see any other way to appease your mind. It's extremely difficult to give up because the thought of missing a chance to get out of your predicament if you ever abandon your search is unbearable.
The solution is a long process but worth it in the end. You need to get your life back on track (job or studies, healthy lifestyle, social life, etc.) and end your compulsions. It won't happen overnight, but as you invest your time and efforts into sensible activities, your thinking will become clearer and you'll be able to exercise better judgment. While in the grip of OCD, you may believe OCD helps you find a solution to your problem and deny the impairing effect that OCD has on your life. As the grip of OCD slackens and good spirits return, you'll realize to what extent OCD was deceiving you.
I'm wishing you good luck in finding your true self again.
Thanks for your reply it’s really helpful. It’s been slow but I definitely think I’m doing better than when I first started getting the thoughts and anxiety. I try not to give into the compulsions but sometimes I’m just so overwhelmed and have so much anxiety that it feels like my only outlet. Even when I don’t give into the thoughts or compulsions I can still feel all the anxiety building up inside me. At work it definitely feels better and I have less anxiety but when I’m out I can start feeling it build up. I know it won’t be an easy recovery but I’m hopeful to recover from it again.
On your recovery journey, OCD, sometimes called the "doubting disease", is going to make you doubt at times it's worth it with arguments like "If if feel so much anxiety, there must be a reason for it". During those times, remember one thing: everything is possible, but some things are more probable than others like, for instance, if you stick to your treatment, you have good chances to recover.
Youn,
I’m sorry you’re feeling so anxious all of the time and that it feels like OCD is trying to control your life.
Have you talked to a therapist about your thoughts and feelings? They can help you with this. Try and google OCD therapists where you live.
Sometimes a regular cognitive behavioral therapist isn’t up to date on OCD techniques. Try and find one that specializes in OCD. There is help out there.
Please don’t be hard on yourself. You will get through this, just like you have in the past.
😊🙏🙏
I haven’t spoke to a therapist yet. I made an appointment but it was canceled and it was a months wait and now I have to reschedule again and wait another while. My previous experiences with therapy weren’t much help and actually worsened my ocd at the time so I feel anxious of redoing this whole therapy thing again but I’m tired of feeling like this all the time so I’ll give it another try and look for ocd therapists. I haven’t been able to sleep tonight because of the thoughts and anxiety keeping me up😔. I’m willing to try anything to get through this as I haven’t felt like myself in a while.
Youn,
You are at least trying to deal with your OCD, you’re stronger than you think.
I have OCD also and it’s hard to deal with.
I’ve seen regular therapist’s in the past that didn’t help at all. When I found a therapist that specialized in OCD it helped a lot.
Be kind to yourself. You’ll get back to being yourself again. I just know you will.
Hugs
😊
I have a question do you take any medication for anxiety or depression? I’ve refused medication in the past because it’s something I never wanted to rely on. I was given trazodone but it made me sleepy all day and I felt I couldn’t function properly daily so I stopped it after a week.
Are you feeling anxious about something, or is it a generalized anxiety, that is, that you can't identify anything that you are anxious about, almost as if the anxiety is looking for something to be anxious about.
The anxiety, I presume, feels like it is "inside" you, as if it owns you, something that you can't escape. What I'm going to ask you to try may seem impossible, but I'd like you to try it.
The idea is to imagine yourself on the shore of a river. You are sitting at peace on the shore watching leaves, branches and the like flowing past you and down the river, but you remain unmoving, detached in a sense from the flow. You're just watching.
You can try to do the same with your anxiety. This may seem very difficult, especially if it feels like your anxiety is screaming at you. But you can with some practice get a distance from your anxiety. Watch it, see where it goes, see what it wants, but don't get involved or entangled with it. Let it go, but don't allow yourself to be dragged along with it.
How successful you are in doing this depends on how you regard your anxiety. If you regard your anxiety as disclosing some hidden reality or truth, it is going to take some courage to do this. As long as you "believe" and "trust" your anxiety, and you want some relief from your anxiety, you will have to regard your disengagement from the anxiety as a kind of vacation, a momentary respite. Even in the gravest of dangers, there is always some time that you can find a place of rest, a rest that we need to prepare ourselves for the danger.
If, on the other hand, you distrust your anxiety, and regard it largely as delusional or exaggerated, your disengagement will be easier. In this case, your practice of disengagement would not be endangering since you don't think there is any real danger.
Practicing this disengagement will help you to get some perspective and control over your anxiety. It may very well be that as you learn to disregard its cries and screams that they will lessen. You would no longer be feeding the beast, one might say.
Am I alone in this? Has anyone else experienced this (or something similar)?
Anybody else with aggressive intrusive thoughts?
From Intensity to Acceptance
Zoloft (Sertraline) increase making me feel worse!
New here / self sabotage?
