How did you tell your parents? I really need help

[mrpurple]

Hi everyone, I'm having the worst time with ocd right now and I think I have to tell my parents before I'm finally pushed over the limit. I think my parents caught on that over the months I've become more depressed, I eat less, and just today my mum realised I had been crying because of my ocd. I don't know how to tell my parents I really need help with this but I feel like if I hold off any longer my suffering will be much worse as I've been shit at stopping compulsions. How did you tell your parents and how can I do it?

[Hidden]

I opened up to my father after 2 years of struggling with OCD. I could only do it after discovering OCD was the reason first of all but also after understanding what it was and why it's there, in order to properly explain to him the situation. Because I suffered with harm OCD at the time, I had to explain in a way that didn't scare him or make him fear me.

I first mentioned that I've been having this problem with thoughts and intrusive thoughts and that OCD seems to be the reason because it's the only thing that I can relate to. I then mentioned you have different themes of OCD and many believe it is all about wanting to be clean but that is false. I went onto explain what theme I have had and how it is affecting my life. I reassured him that I wouldn't act on the thoughts in real life, rather you avoid anything that may trigger it.

I made sure to tell him that I will only mention it once because I shouldn't ask for reassurance from him as that is a compulsion and so he understands not to encourage reassurance seeking.

Honestly it was a relief. Because I never told anybody about it but the next step was to recover as that didn't cure my OCD of course.

You are fearing the outcome of how your parents react and this is another part of our anxiety issue. I felt the same before I told my father. It is uncertain what their reaction will be and you will not find out in your mind. It is better to tell them and explain in a way they can understand. If they react poorly you will have to accept it just like if they reacted well. People won't know what it is like if they haven't experienced it themselves so it is good to understand someone if they have a poor reaction or disregard what you say. Of course that makes you upset but you cannot force them to believe anything.

Or it may turn out really well. But the answer is found after the action, not in our thoughts.

[mrpurple in reply to Hidden]

I'm happy to hear that it went well for you. I did try once, at the beginning of my false memory I did try to open up to my mum about it but she just shrugged it off. She didn't believe me and blamed it on my screen time, ever since I've been worried to bring it up again and it's been really hard as my ocd has really kicked me around last year and the start of this one so I'm anxious of bringing it up again

[Hidden in reply to mrpurple]

You have been brave to tell them even if they did not react well and you are showing the courage in wanting to try again. It is unfortunate that your mother did not react in a supportive way. Again this may be because she does not truly understand how serious this is for you. My father at first told me "this is very bad" and he said "why you think of all these things" and got upset until I broke the dilemma down to him. But everyone is different and my mother who does not live with us had OCD and other mental complications so he then put his judgement away.

Here are some useful resources I have found that helped in my journey on overcoming OCD alone:

YouTube - 'OCD and Anxiety'

YouTube - 'OCD Stories'

Book - 'The Imp of the Mind - The Silent Epidemic of Obsessive Bad Thoughts'

Book - 'The Mindfulness Workbook for OCD'

Now if you would like a free pdf version of the Mindfulness Workbook for OCD, privately message me your email address and I'll send you it.

If I was to give only one method that helped me recover it would be to practice meditation. Even if it is just a minute a day. Deep breathing present focus is what I do every day for 5 minutes and then that practice has trained my mind to do it throughout the day. Allow thoughts to enter your mind and let them pass through without forcing them away. When you notice a thought just observe it and return back to the present task which is engaging with your senses - breathing, sound(what do you hear around you like sounds of nature), sight (what can you keep your visual focus on like a candle), touch (how does your body feel).

[mrpurple in reply to Hidden]

I can try those out if they have worked for you. I'm a bit worried though as for some reason I can't seem to leave my thoughts alone

[Hidden in reply to mrpurple]

At the current moment you will have that worry. I did too and the idea of sitting alone with your thoughts in silence terrified me as I did not want to experience it. The only way to combat fear is to dive into it and soon something that once seemed like a great obstacle to climb, will become a simple step. Because avoiding it will never give you the certainty. Instead it will make the fear stronger. It is like when a ride seems really scary at first and you build up the courage to go on it and it turns out better than you expected. So after that good experience, you want to go on it again and again.

My first step was mindfulness - change your perspective on what your thoughts are and understand they do not define who you are. How you view something can determine your experience or reaction to it. Mindfulness teaches you to accept any thought and to accept the uncertain future which is really important. Meditation goes with mindfulness to help you practice just allowing whatever thought or imagination to enter without judgement or engagement and let them pass as if they are just random people on the street as you walk around. Each person has their own story whether good or bad but we never feel the need to ask a stranger randomly about it. So it is the same principle with your thoughts. We cannot control what enters but we what we can do is decide how we engage with them. You can build the good habit over time of not engaging with every thought. Right now your mind is used to replying to them or analysing them. My mind was like that too and sometimes I can fall back on it a little but through that practice I can return to a ideal state. And so can you.

[Lauragbr in reply to Hidden]

I have to agree with the mindfulness and meditation. It has helped me as well as giving “ indifference “ to the thoughts.

[LuvSun]

You should not fear or be ashamed about telling them about your OCD. As a parent myself and also suffering with OCD over 35 years I would want to know if my child was suffering. You will feel better and they will be able to understand why you have been acting differently. I don’t know how old you are but they can give you support and help you get some treatment. You could help them understand about OCD by sharing some online articles or books with them. Again, you should not feel ashamed or afraid of your OCD any more than if you had another health problem. You can get better and deserve it.

[mrpurple in reply to LuvSun]

I did try to tell my mum once but she just didn't believe me and said it was my screen time. Ever since I've been afraid to say it again, unfortunately not all parents are like you when their child is literally at their lowest point. I've been having the worst time since May last year and there have been times I wanted to say it but that first time telling my mum put me off each time. I'm only 19 and my life already feels like it's over because I've done nothing but suffer in silence. If your child had ocd how would you react?

[LuvSun in reply to mrpurple]

I’m sorry your mom did not take you seriously when you told her. Can you mention your feelings to a Doctor that can help give you better guidance and help your Mom to understand that what you are experiencing is a real condition that many people suffer from? If you are a student perhaps a counselor? You do not have to suffer so much alone. Perhaps show your Mom some articles about OCD? Please hang in there- there is help for you🫶

[Lauragbr in reply to mrpurple]

I promise you your life is not over. I started OCD symptoms when I was 15 and now I’m 69. Once I found real help, the right therapist and doctor I found peace. I have had a few relapses, but I have also had years of few to no symptoms. You are not a minor, you can seek treatment on your own if your parents don’t understand. When I was 15 no one knew what was wrong with me. Things are different now.

[SCC1]

You could have another discussion with your parents. You could say that your OCD is not just something you can push aside and that it is really affecting you. Since they have noticed a change in your behaviors, you could start a conversation with that topic. Maybe tell them that it is really important that they know how you are feeling because over the last yr or so you have been feeling worse. Say something to let them know they need to know your struggles specifically to OCD. If your mom had trouble accepting this the first time, you could redirect her wanting to listen by saying you had tried to bring up your OCD before but now I really would like your support because it is becoming to much to bear. Try to help them understand more of what you are going through; maybe if they knew more, they would take it more seriously.

Good luck!

[mrpurple in reply to SCC1]

I just want her to not just set it aside and think it's me being silly. Sometimes I can have serious conversations with her but I'm not sure what was so different about this that just made her not take it seriously as she should've

[Mcfly64]

Hi mrpurple. Are you seeing a therapist at the moment?

[mrpurple in reply to Mcfly64]

No I'm not, I don't have the money for it as I'm unemployed

[Mcfly64 in reply to mrpurple]

What about medication?

[mrpurple in reply to Mcfly64]

No I'm not, I'm not sure whether or not to as I've heard many people's stories of it working and others of it not working

[Mcfly64 in reply to mrpurple]

Okay. I think it’s worth a try but of course it’s totally your choice. Maybe you should discuss it with your doctor.

[bulldog71]

I was lucky. I have totally understanding and supportive family. I understand many people are not as fortunate. I was just able to tell them outright. Then we all were able to deal with it accordingly to seek out professional help. Hopefully, this is your situation. If you feel your parents are not supportive hopefully you have someone in your life who is supportive you can talk to. If you rely on your parents for healthcare you ultimately need to tell them so you can get proper professional help.

[mrpurple in reply to bulldog71]

My parents are supportive but when it comes to this it's both hard to open up about it and to ensure that they know I'm being serious. It's just mental health stuff I don't really get the support and understanding that I need

[bulldog71]

I feel the same way. Even the professionals don’t know how it exactly feels to have OCD. Only people with OCD know how it exactly feels. It is very difficult to explain to someone how it feels and do it proper justice. You will not be able to get them to fully understand exactly how you feel. They will have questions and doubts. Even the most supportive loved ones do. I know patience is very difficult to have when you are dealing with OCD. But, you have to patient with them as well. You sound like you are very fortunate in that they are supportive. If you do this they will be able to get you the help you need and deserve. As you get better your loved ones will be able to better understand what you are going through and how to support and help you.

[Natureloverpeace]

There is a 42 minute video on YouTube by the International OCD Foundation called Uncovering OCD: The Truth About Obsessive Compulsive Disorder that you could share with your parents. It’s a very poignant video that doesn’t mince words and it explains how serious of a condition OCD is.

[Susiesweeney]

Hi

Sorry to hear ur OCD impacting so badly on your life. Do tell your parents and get the help you deserve .

Make sure u are getting the proper treatment, it took 20 yrs for me but it was 1994 in a very Catholic Ireland and mine was harm OCD with sexual theme so i never got to have a young adult life

Do not let it steal your life because it will . I recently read FAQ about OCD it is a very helpful book for both sufferers and their families in helping to understand a very complex disorder.

I wish you the very best of luck.

Kind regards

A from Ireland