My sister has become a major Hoarder. Her house has always been cluttered but now its at an extreme dangers level. She is 72 yr old very obese with a multiple amount of physical and mental diagnosis over the years. She is mostly non-compliant with seeing her doctors and taking her medications. She lives alone has only a few friend's on face book, doesn't let anyone visit her except me once or twice a year. My latest visit found her in her house that smelled of urine and feces d/t her bathroom being blocked by clutter, her heat was on 80 degrees, she was wearing a thin sleeveless dress no underwear and has not bath or shower in years. Her legs are swollen like tree trunks and fluid is leaking from them with a foul odor, she's short of breath and hangs over a walker to get around the small space. windows covered up and very low lighting. their was only a trail from the front door to a chair and to the kitchen sink, and to a bed. Garbage bags full of urine and feces on the floor some leaking out, parts of floor is raised up from moisture damage Her house is a 4 bedroom, 2 bath house with inclosed porch, laundry room and two car garage and none of which is accessible. She doesn't own a car. she orders food from insta cart and amazon packages are all over the front steps. She is in denial refuses to go to the doctor or hospital wont let me call 911, she has Paid home care but doest let them in the house only has them roll out her garbage cans and get her mail once a week. She had medical home health care but after they complained about the horrible condition of the house she stop letting them in. She wont let me touch any of her stuff, clean up or through away anything and always says that she is ok. She refuses to talk to any therapists and states she doesn't have a problem and I can just leave her alone.
What am I to do??? I am afraid that she will die in there one day and I wont find her for days!
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Hellonwheels2
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We, as humans, need to make regular efforts for our reasonable intentions not to wear down with the passing of time, whereas hoarding disorder (like OCD) is naturally wear-resistant without the need for us to make efforts, hence its sometimes-irresistible nature.
So, deciding what to keep and what to discard, or deciding to take care of herself will require for your sister to make an effort. Is she willing to make that effort? If not, no matter how sad her situation is, there is not much you can do, except trying to find ways to motivate her if possible .
Example of motivational interviewing: in Britain's Biggest Hoarders Series 1 Episode 2 2013, a therapist asked an individual with a hoarding disorder: “Let’s suppose you have a 6-year-old grandchild who comes to you and says: 'I don’t think happiness exists'. Do you think you’ll turn to him and say: 'Well done. That’s just exactly what you should be thinking. That’s a good rule to run your life on'”. To which the individual in question answered: "All right. I think you made a point there. I give in.” But not everybody is so easily persuaded.
Maybe if you could motivate your sister to look at her situation with fresh eyes, like the therapist did with his client, you could persuade her to start to change the status quo.
As a hoarder myself, I know where your sister is coming from! And once the crud piles up, it can be so difficult to tackle it. It just feels too much. And then more crud piles on top of what you've already got, because it's so overwhelming.
And if your sister has disabling health problems on top of this, clearing and cleaning are going to be a problem. Clearing and cleaning are tiring. Just a little effort can be exhausting and appear to make so little difference.
I have got someone coming to fix my boiler and heating system on Wednesday and he'll need access to the radiators. So I've made a huge effort to clear some space so he can reach them. It's such a good feeling to get rid of garbage. I managed to put out three big bags full of rubbish yesterday for the garbage collection this morning. And I've been doing more today.
It can be very distressing to have other people touch your stuff. And to have them decide what you should keep and what you should discard can be traumatic. Obviously she needs someone to help her, since her health conditions stop her doing too much herself, but let her have a say in what to keep and what to throw out. She is likely to be resistant to anything being thrown out, but the more autonomy she has, the more she is likely to co-operate.
But getting her to admit to the problem is a problem in itself. I'm sure she's scared of doing so - it involves letting go of a lot of things that she has no need or use for but which she still values.
I think one of the priorities should be getting the more accessible of her two bathrooms fit for use, cleared, cleaned and kept clean. That should help to keep the rest of the house free from bodily waste and make her feel better in itself.
The other is to put a stop to her buying anything more on Amazon or anywhere else. Make sure the ones she has are opened, and their contents either used, donated to charity or sold. Buying stuff can give you a lift when you're feeling miserable, but it's important to halt the clutter.
It can help to tackle one area at a time - perhaps starting with the bathroom! The problem often is that clutter leaves you with so little room to put the stuff you need and want.
Offer to help on her terms if you can, and insist that she at least gets help for her medical conditions.
Hoarding is distressing - I don't think any hoarder seriously likes living in clutter, chaos and filth. I certainly don't! There is a way out of it, and I'm trying to get to grips with it!
I'm sorry your sister is struggling. I have a family member who won't admit to a hoarding obsession but theyi definitely do. The fact your sister has health problems I imagine is the even bigger concern. Going through and sorting things out can be not only physically exhausting but also emotionally exhausting. I'm not sure if there is anyone else friends or family or neighbors that could help you. I know seeing your sister this way is concerning and your just trying to help her. But like with anybody struggling with thier mental health it has to be her decision in wanting to get and seek help. If she's not willing to do that unfortanley I'm not sure there's a whole lot to do. It's so hard to see loved ones suffering around you when you know there is so much help out there, that is if there ready to receive the help. I would say don't ever give up hope with her. As long as you remain hopeful there is a way. Sometimes at the end of the day hope is all we have. I'm very sorry to hear of your sister's struggles. I hope she can get the help she needs soon. Hang in the there.
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