How did you overcome HOCD? What did you do to make it better?

[Jacodok]

Hi, I have been suffering from HOCD, homosexual obsessive thoughts, for some time now. In the beginning, I was very afraid of being a lesbian. Through therapy I lost more and more of my fear. Is this also OCD when you start to ask yourself whether you like the thoughts or not? Whenever a thought used to come up that questioned my sexual orientation, I tried to agree with it so that I wouldn't think about it any more and lose the fear behind it, so did I understand the acceptance of these thoughts correctly?

What did you do to make it better?

Sometimes I'm still afraid to believe that I could be a lesbian after all. It's so blurry sometimes, is this feeling normal with OCD?

Will I soon feel more closeness and love for my boyfriend again, will these strange thoughts and feelings disappear again due to HOCD or at least get better?

If I try to focus more on my life again, will I find clarity again at some point?

There are a few questions in my head, I'm looking forward to your answers.

[LiveOutLove_22]

I don't know alot about HOCD but I know that OCD likes to play upon uncertainity and fears. I think its normal for people to question ones sexuality. We are living in different times. I do think that overtime you will learn and discover more about yourself. But the more you question your sexuality the more OCD is going to grab a hold of that obsession and play mind tricks on you. But there is nothing wrong with questioning your sexuality I think it's normal I also think you need to be mindful of what you're obsessing with. If you're obsessing over something constantly it's more than likely your OCD. Once again, I'm not a therapist so I would definitely reach out to a professional or a close friend or if you are currently seeing a therapist but know that your thoughts are there but just be aware of what your mind seems to be obsessing on and try not to let it take up too much time of your life. I'm currently trying to do the same in focusing on what I can control right now. I hope this helps some.

[Kaiser18]

I suffered from HOCD for many years beginning at puberty, which is already a confusing time. Like with many other forms of OCD, the disease is attacking your identity, which is very painful. The key for me was to gradually resist the checking and reassurance compulsions, along with medication in the early stages. Deep inside you know who you are and that will not change. You will see clearly when the doubt and anxiety decreases

[deValentin]

When faced with triggering circumstances, it's normal to question the validity or efficacy of one's treatment, or whether we want to go through it. Many "what if" questions may arise in your mind: What if I really were a lesbian? What if it weren't OCD? Etc.

If your treatment had been successful for a long time, all those questions wouldn't come to your mind with such a force. You would know that's the way we really want to live. But, during the treatment, it's a different story. You're not sure how your treatment will end, so a lot of doubts arise in your mind. Tell yourself that those doubts have nothing to do whatsoever with the content of your obsessions. It's just because you're not sure of the outcome of your treatment.

No matter the content of your obsessions, whether it has to do with health or the possibility of harming someone else, the difficulty of the OCD treatment will give rise in your mind to "what if" questions. Tell yourself that, when starting a new and at times arduous path in life, it's normal to have doubts about whether that's the path you really want to follow. Often those doubts aren't connected to the validity of the newly chosen path, but to the uncertainty of its final destination. This uncertainty is normal at the beginning of the path, but will gradually subside as you progress on it.

[Eli_E]

Hi! I have this as well and I'm still going through it so I totally understand. With all those follow up thoughts - such as what if I actually do like these thoughts, does the fact that these thoughts don't cause as much distress mean that I am a lesbian etc, I just continue to treat them as another layer of ocd thoughts to accept. For me I'm working on saying, maybe they are or will be true, but in this moment I'm pursing the life I want even if I could be "wrong" about how I identify. Like I said, I'm still very much in this and while my thoughts are easier to manage, they are still there and they do really bother me somedays. So I don't really have any advice beyond to say that you are not alone.