How do you overcome self-doubt? Also new here

[hopeful0811]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here- my therapist showed me this page. I've struggled with OCD since I was about 6 years old. From stepping on cracks on the sidewalk to obsessively thinking that I'm going blind or schizophrenic. I've come a long way since then but now and then OCD still haunts me. Thanks to therapy, growing up and a determination to get better, I have a different relationship to OCD and my anxiety.

But what pains me today is self doubt. I'm not sure of myself, what I want, who I want or what I want to do. So I constantly ruminate about the same things over and over again, playing scenarios in my head from the past and future. I'm afraid I'll end up alone without a partner - I had a great one but I left him because I wasn't sure about us (we were very similar but different at the same time). I miss him terribly and don't know why I keep thinking about him even though I wasn't 100% satisfied with the relationship.

I'm not writing here mainly for relationship advice (though I welcome that as well) but more general advice on overcoming self-doubt, overcoming OCD so OCD isn't your identity. For so many years, I felt like OCD and anxiety defined me as a person... I still do sometimes. Now, I'm finally learning how to live life without OCD and anxiety but I almost feel like I don't know who I am since most of my life OCD and anxiety was who I was. I would like to know how others in this group came out of the tunnel. How did you find yourself?

Thank you,

Hopeful0811

[Hidden]

I would like to welcome you to the OCD Support Network.

We are here to help and offer hope to each other.

We are in this together.

I suffer from self-doubt, since OCD is known as the "Doubting Disease".

OCD can pick upon anything from my conversations as to what did I say, it will make me doubt, in a repetitive form.

Other doubts are based on what I type, read, write. It makes me go through the obsessions of self-doubt, by the feared consequences, that I have made a mistake.

It is a cycle of doubt, guilt, repetition which goes on over and over again.

I am sorry that you are also suffering from self-doubt.

[hopeful0811 in reply to Hidden]

Hi desipurple19,

thank you for your message. It's nice to know I'm not alone. I hope you're doing well and are safe

[MothFir]

Welcome to the forum. I am middle-aged and don't have lots of answers but will offer the following advice

It's great that you've had some success in overcoming OCD! I have had mild-to-moderate OCD for more than 30 years. It often recedes to the background but sometimes pops up when I least expect it. So always keep aware of your thoughts and behavior, and if you notice your OCD getting bad again, stop and recognize it for what it is. Use whatever techniques work for you to keep it from getting another foothold. It's always easier to prevent a relapse than to crawl out of one. You will probably always have obsessive thoughts, but you don't have to let them change your behavior.

As far as self-doubt. . . I think it comes with the territory of OCD. For me, it's been helpful to accept that I will not have certainty for 99% of the decisions I make or the situations I encounter. It's also helpful to realize that that is true for everyone. We just have to do the best we can, making choices based on probabilities, and accept that we will make mistakes and have setbacks. Setting goals that push me a bit beyond my comfort zone, make me feel productive, and improve the world in some slight way have always given me a sense of purpose beyond my OCD.

Also realize that anxiety itself can be a major limitation. Playing it so safe that you never commit to anything is not really safe -- someday you may reach old age and realize you never did anything you once dreamed about doing. Now I'm a big believer in thinking before acting, but I've had to recognize that OVERthinking, and losing opportunities because of indecision, can cause just as many heartaches as making wrong decisions. You have to find a balance between taking chances and not acting foolishly.

As far as relationships -- that's one OCD theme I've never suffered from, so I can't say much about it. I CAN say you'll never be 100% satisfied with anyone (but I imagine you were using that as a figure of speech anyway). I've been married for 22 years, and overall the good outweighs the bad, and my wife and I treat each other with respect. For me that's enough. But as I said, I don't have relationship OCD.

Hope this helps!

[hopeful0811 in reply to MothFir]

Hi MothFir,

Thank you so much for your message - it's really nice of you to have written all of this. You gave me great advice about learning to accept that I won't have full certainty of the decisions that I make. I'm going to start thinking of that when I meditate. Also about losing opportunities because of indecision is just as painful of making bad decisions... you're so right. I'm tired of playing safe in life - I don't want fear to direct my decisions.

I'm happy for you that you don't have relationship OCD. But you know what? I didn't even know relationship OCD was a thing so I just started watching some videos on YouTube about it and I'm gaining some clarity. Without even trying, you helped me

Thank you again.

Hopeful0811

[Hidden]

I can recommend a peer group called Recovery International. They have in person groups, telephone groups and a presence on Facebook. Google them. Joe

[hopeful0811 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you!!