My poor child

[auntypank]

My daughter has had OCD for many years. Last July she was diagnosed with terminal cancer, which has sent her anxiety levels very high. She has shut out her whole family. I live next door in a granny annex and she has shut me out completely. Locking the door between our houses. She only wants her husband all the time. Very rarely she will come in for a few minutes. Talks only about her work and if I mention anything she becomes hysterical" not me! nothing to do with me! I haven't done anything! I'm not to blame!" screaming. it scares me.

And now they have put our house up for sale, but do not discuss anything with me. Where do I go?

The deal 12 years ago was for me to give them the deposit and I to have a home for life. and stupidly I trusted them with all my money.

Her twin sister, Melanie in Scotland is distraught and phones me every day. She came to see me last November for 6 days and Lisa refused to see her. The only 2 people Lisa phones is my half-sister and her daughter, and she tells them blatant lies. That we are all against her. Her brothers have sent her messages and flowers( which went in the compost bin the day they arrived) all cards are binned.

I have tried to make sense of this bizarre and unnecessary situation and researched her behaviour. Frighteningly the conclusion was narcissism. has her OCD escalated into this?

I am 73 and often unwell with Rheumatoid Arthritis, bronchiectasis and heart disease.

I just want to help and comfort her. Make them a meal. etc: She is exhausting herself by working long hours and goes to bed as soon as she gets home.

Above all I am desperately sad.

[deValentin]

I understand your sadness. Besides being shut out by your daughter, you feel betrayed because she didn't keep her part of the bargain (about providing you with a place to live). I don't know if OCD is to blame for that situation, but I observed that people can react to suffering in two ways, among others. Either they become more compassionate towards others, or they become mean and bitter. And there is not much loved ones can do to guide them in the first direction rather than the second one, besides leading by example.

[auntypank in reply to deValentin]

Thank you. I have researched my daughter's weird behaviour. I have moved into a wonderful care home in May, helped by the council. I am healing me first so that I can be strong for what is to come. My daughter text to say not to contact her. They are moving as the house is sold. No idea where to. I have no idea how she is. I do have contact with my grandson, who is also moving out.

I have the awful feeling that her ancient OCD has become a serious personality disorder (inherited from my mother who was bi-polar?) She is directing all her anxiety and hate to me. I cannot feel hate or anger, just deep sadness and I am leading by example by letting her know that I am here for her and her poor husband who has nobody to support him.

[deValentin in reply to auntypank]

I think you're doing the right things.

[Natureloverpeace]

It’s difficult to say what’s going on. I’m sorry that she has terminal cancer and I’m sorry that she’s shutting out some family members from her life. It’s not fair that she promised you the annex to live in for life after giving her the deposit money and now has decided to sell instead. Maybe it’s her way of trying to feel some sense of control, hard to say. It doesn’t sound OCD related though.