Worthiness

[Disneylover123]

Hi! I am currently a college student who has suffered from OCD for many years and have seen it through many manifestations. One thing my OCD loves to tell me is that I am not good enough and that I am not worthy of many things, such as good friends, good grades, and being smart, because of my OCD. I am on medication and see a therapist, yet I still struggle with this thought to the point of breaking down every time I see a test, have a good time with friends or family, or am simply enjoying life. My brain searched through my mind to find, what feels very real to me, real scenarios to back up my thought of not being enough. I feel horrible because this feeling is starting to manifest through easy agitation and snapping, which is very unlike me. I was wondering if anyone else has felt this way that they feel comfortable sharing, or has any good mantras, or words to help overcome these thoughts and feelings! (it's midterm season so anything helps!)

[deValentin]

I have experienced at times maybe a similar feeling, the “impostor syndrome” where I felt undeserving and that everybody is better than me. It still bothers me from time to time but not to the same extent. Personally, I find mantras useless: they work first, but after repeated use their effect wears out. What I do to feel better is first of all face reality as it is, even if it’s not always easy. Yes, some people are more qualified or socially competent than me, but the contrast is not that drastic: I have some good points also. I try to see things like an objective observer would see them in situations where it's important to be free as much as possible of impairing cognitive biases.

Secondly, I try not to fall into the trap of seeking absolute certainties at the expense of what I really value in life. Yes, there is no absolute certainty I’m a decent person that deserves some consideration, but to try to live in a responsible manner and be reasonably sure of my worth as a human being is good enough. Sometimes with OCD we become engrossed in facts that only confirm our biased beliefs about ourselves and omit to see facts that justify a healthy sense of personal worth. We fall prey to the confirmation bias, only focusing on facts in line with our poor sense of worth. To free oneself from OCD is to free oneself from the need of excessive reassurance about our worth and safety. So, it’s not always easy, but I try to take reasonable risks and trust myself in a world that is sometimes riddled with uncertainties. I hope this helps.

[Disneylover123 in reply to deValentin]

This helps so much thank you!

[Mcfly64]

Hello Disneylover123. I know it’s not easy but self compassion is needed every now and again. It’s the ocd bully that wants us to feel not worthy. You are worthy.

[bulldog71]

I am going through pretty much the same thing. I had harm OCD. That was absolutely terrible. My psychiatrist put me on 100 mg Luvox. Within six weeks the harm OCD was gone. I have struggled with self-esteem issues as well. Since November I have had free floating anxiety which I think is related to my long-lasting ruminating about lack of self-worth. I have a regularly scheduled appointment with my psychiatrist in two weeks. I am going to see if he will increase my Luvox since 100 mg is considered low. I have been working with mindfulness and other changes as well. But, I just cannot seem to shake off this free floating anxiety. It does make me more irritable which I have to be careful with. I have been through CBT in the past. I still use those techniques to this day. I would be open to another round of CBT if he thinks that would help. Wondering if anyone else has experience with increasing Luvox. Thanks everybody and take care.