Having a hard time

[DadGuy]

Hi everyone I'm new here. I'll try and sum this up quick. I have a type of OCD/anxiety where I have intrusive thoughts and obsess about specific stresses in my life and can't stop thinking of them/imagining conversations and scenarios. Im married with little kids and recently landed a great job in my field of media, after being unemployed and delivering food for 3 years. It's mostly remote which is a gift and a curse OCD-wise for sure. I recently made a couple of mistakes at work and as a result these led to a couple of small conflicts. Now I cannot stop imagining conversations and conflicts related to this, no matter what I do, to the point that it's even making me physically ill. The whole lack of focus at work was due to stress. There are a few parts to the situation but my better intuition tells me it's maybe a 4 out of 10 in being a big deal. My catastrophic thinking has me obsessing like it's a 10 out of 10. It's so stressful I try and stop the loop but keep imagining the same conversations. I meditate, I take meds, I talk to a therapist who has a very general knowledge of OCD as I've learned many do. I'm so stressed and I'm needing to sort of alpha up and lead a team at work but I'm a mess. I have a toddler and 2 other kids and I'm a mess. I have good moments but these obsessive ones are really killing me.

[SCC1]

Hi DadGuy. Welcome!

I don't have any advice, but would like to say that I don't think you need to "alpha up". It is not your fault for having OCD and it doesn't define who you are now or will be in the future. The quicker you can treat it, the less time OCD has to bully you, which is what it likes to do.

I wish I had more to say to try to help, but just know you are not alone and you have come to the right place...for some real advice. 🙂

Take care and I hope you feel better.

[DadGuy in reply to SCC1]

Thank you. Bullying is a great word to describe the feeling. It's rarely a job thing I fixate on this is just right now, but it attaches to something and just snowballs til I can't see straight.

[Hidden]

just occupy your mind and if your boss doesn't sack u by next week then you probably didnt say anything bad.

[DadGuy in reply to Hidden]

I'm trying to accept that if they do, and that's the worst case scenario, I've been there before so what I'll live. The problem is that it isn't that big an issue in reality. When the OCD gets so heavy it starts messing with the reality of things and that's terrifying I'm a parent

[deValentin]

Let me make a comparison with hoarding if you don’t mind. People with that disorder may feel good about saving a particular item in case they may need it later on, but they usually put it in a disorganized pile, and if the time they need it comes, they can’t find it and it’s easier for them to buy a new one. Likewise with OCD. You may feel good in the moment rehashing past incidents at work and imagining possible scenarios about them because you have the impression that helps you avert future harm. However, if it’s done in an obsessional manner, it’s useless and even counterproductive because it increases your stress level. A part of you knows that. So, why can’t you help it? Because you’re dependent on those moments of relief ruminating brings you. It’s when ERP comes into play. It helps you stop depending on the momentary relief giving in to compulsions gives you, and, instead, helps you look at the big picture: what kind of person do I want to be 1, 2, 10 years from now? Reaching that goal becomes your new source of comfort. Welcome to this forum and I wish you the best in your recovery.

[DadGuy in reply to deValentin]

Yes all of that is true. The relief is like scratching eczema. But I'm addicted to it. Now I have to find a psychologist who knows this.

[deValentin in reply to DadGuy]

The relief you get from scratching is a good analogy. Sometimes the need to scratch your skin or rub your eyes doesn't stop until you stop doing it for a while, even if it's not always easy.

[Natureloverpeace]

ocdinfo.com is a new online directory that lists therapists who are qualified to treat OCD in the United States, Canada, United Kingdom and Australia. The therapists are vetted by OCD experts for licensure, background, education, training and expertise. iocdf.org also has a directory. This one vets for licensure only but it’s a global directory. It can be found by clicking on Find Help on their website.

[DadGuy in reply to Natureloverpeace]

What a resource! I'm on there now, thank you so much!

[Natureloverpeace in reply to DadGuy]

You’re welcome.

[beth196]

get on some klonopin. It helps you can't afford to not be able to focus on your job. also up your med,