Motives...Constantly Aware of Negative M... - My OCD Community

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Motives...Constantly Aware of Negative Motives for Actions

Sunset_21 profile image
7 Replies

Hello everyone,

I hope you are all giving yourself compassion and finding joy in your days. I have OCD and have mostly gotten over a major flare up in the last few months. One thing that is still bothering me is self reflection. I generally avoid thinking about myself and my mind too much or I become overwhelmed. I am wondering if anyone else is constantly aware of motives for things they do and say? I frequently think about why I do things and think my motives are wrong and feel guilty for my actions. I would appreciate any insight.

7 Replies
SheWhoFloats profile image
SheWhoFloats

I do this too and it is so exhausting and overwhelming. Sometimes I wish I wasn’t conscious of myself at all. No advice just solidarity.

Sunset_21 profile image
Sunset_21 in reply to SheWhoFloats

Thanks for validating, I appreciate the support.

MothFir profile image
MothFir

It sounds as if OCD is really scrounging for things to bother you about. I suspect all of us could find "wrong" motives for our actions if we started looking for them. The less credence you give these thoughts and the less you ruminate on them, the less frequent they will be.

Sunset_21 profile image
Sunset_21 in reply to MothFir

Thank you! I'll do my best.

JesusChristisLord profile image
JesusChristisLord

Remember the grace of God as our ground zero. We didn’t create this body, nor our family members, nor done anything, even eat or drink without a divine touch from God. So when you are able to do good in the world, think about how God is empowering you to do it by his amazing grace. The foundation is the work of Jesus Christ, Gods Son, and being one with God, he showed his great mercy by bearing our sins on the cross to forgive us and wash away our guilt and shame. As a daily reminder he says, deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow me.

Keep praying and asking him for guidance.

1 Corinthians 10:31 - So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

Sunset_21 profile image
Sunset_21 in reply to JesusChristisLord

That is very true! Thanks.

IStillHaveHope profile image
IStillHaveHope

I'm wondering if when you say, "self reflection" you are really ruminating.

Rumination is a hallmark of OCD. This is something I struggle with. I don't know if this resonates with you, but I will constantly try to "solve" the issue at hand (ruminate). I feel like if I can understand or "figure it out" then the thought won't bother me. However, this only reinforces the thought.

Also I'll add that avoiding the thoughts isn't a solution either. It only teaches your mind that these are something scary and uncomfortable. Something to be avoided at all costs. We need to learn to allow the thoughts to come, notice them, and let them rise and fall on their own. Over time this makes the thoughts less bothersome and dissipate faster. This is really hard in the beginning though since we have practiced avoiding or suppressing our thoughts.

If you're looking for exercises to learn this, I would google Dr. Judson Brewer. He's a doctor done a lot of work with anxiety. I actually subscribed to his app "Unwinding Anxiety" for about 6-months and in one of the lessons he spoke about the RAIN method.

He likens it to like surfing and riding the anxiety wave using RAIN. I don't remember it completely but this is what I try and do:

Relax: As the anxiety comes on, try and to relax into it. Slow you're breathing and relax your shoulders and jaw. Breath deep into your belly.

Accept: Accept that you are feeling this anxiety and allow it to be there. It will probably be uncomfortable but allow it to ebb and flow through you.

Inspect: Inspect how these thoughts and feeling feel in your mind and body. If you feel yourself getting wrapped up in the thought say something like, "Oh the thoughts are trying to take me down a rabbit hole". or "I'm having a difficult time and feeling anxious".

Note: Finally I note what I'm experiencing moment to moment. It might go like, "I feel tightness in my chest, I feel a dull pain between my eyes, I hear the birds singing outside, my feet feel cold". I think the point is to see that your thoughts are moving around and to let them do that. I try and do this until the feelings lessen and then I try to go on with my day.

I'm probably screwing some things up, so I would refer you to Dr. Judson's sites and videos for a more detailed explanation.

Also, if you don't have one, try and find a therapist that treats OCD. They can help you learn the techniques I'm talking about. I understand what you're going through friend, I really do. I hope you find the peace you deserve. God bless you.

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