OCD has reached a point where I can't stop

[ShiftingAlien]

Hey!

Just joined because I need a ton of advice. Here's my story:

Since I was 14 I suffered from severe acne. I shut myself in from 14-20, was homeschooled and even got my first job online. I sheltered myself for years until I got a job at 21 working for a production company. Since 14 I can't stop obsessing over mirrors and grooming myself until it looks perfect but it never does.

When I was younger I was heavily judged and put under a microscope by my aunt and cousin. Everything always felt like a competition and even if I moved wrong I was judged by them. I broke away years ago but I still think about letting people down or not being good enough.

My biggest issues are:

Constant grooming in the mirror for hours.

I can't easily go out because I'm afraid of what people think of me.

I feel like there's a weight on my shoulders all the time.

I judge the way I speak and sometimes have a nervous sounding voice.

I'm always thinking about what I look like.

My company's work is camera work (ironic) and I spend half the day looking in the camera lens or mirror. I want to stop this but I have no idea how. It's gotten so bad to the point where I lose track of time.

Any advice? Thanks so much!

[glenda221]

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. It sounds like BDD (I am not a therapist, but recognize similar issues my loved one suffers with). There is a great resource you might check out. It’s a workbook to help those with BDD. I will need to look up the link. I think it’s produced by like the Australian (govt?) mental health resources.

Here’s the link: cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resour...

Again, not sure if this is what you are dealing with, but you could look at the site and see if it resonates with you. They have great free resources.

You are not alone and my heart goes out to you.

[Mcfly64 in reply to glenda221]

Are you getting help?