I'M I CRAZY DOCTOR?

I’m I crazy doctor? What’s wrong with me? These are the very words I cried to my psychiatrist as I hugged into a ball rocking backword and forwards. No replied your not crazy you are suffering from 40 years of undiagnosed acute OCD and paranoia. In some ways I felt quite relived I had an answer to my madness, but I had the most unsettling feeling this was not the end of the matter. I sent the first 18 months locked in my bedroom curtains drawn, only coming out attending appointments, toilet and necessaries. Then another 5 years not wanting to leave my home or socialising, extremely dark times. I will never forget putting so much pressure on the people I love dragging them into my vortex of craziness.

“80mg of fluoxetine daily, 3 monthly psychotherapy session for 2 year and weekly CBT should do the trick” Doc said. Ummmm yes it did for a while, but it seemed to fade like a cheap firework engulfed into the darkness of night.

So, how do I feel today? Well from the inside nothing has changed. I don’t think or act any differently to what I always have. The rituals, compulsion and obtrusive thoughts are just the same no respite for me.

What has changed? I think the main change is knowing that I’m not the only person to suffer from this terrible condition I don’t feel as isolated in life. Also been educated on the condition this really helps. The more you understand about OCD then you can form strategies that can suppress cognitive behaviour and reason your thoughts. Finally, I found by accepting that you have OCD can make a difference to the quality of life because fighting OCD every day causes fatigue it drains you, leaving you vulnerable to depression, paranoia, it increases anxiety and lowers self-esteem. I’m not a psychologist, councillor or therapist just a regular guy with vast experiences in OCD suffering. Everyone is different and what may work for some may not work so well for other. What I am trying to say is; don’t be afraid to try new methods or strategies. they may be your own from research or the advice of experience. I know some people make full recovery and that is amazing, but some don’t. I personally will never recover the root is to deep says my CBT therapist. Just remember you are special you are unique your thought belongs to you only share them if you want to, and to people you explicitly trust. There is no judge, no jury, therefore no sentence.

Always happy to help if I can. For ever in my thoughts.

Stay Strong

Stay Well

Stay Safe

God Bless you all