Hanging in there...

[Overthinker84]

I was off of work due to being exposed to covid. My boss and a coworker had it. I was ok, but I had to quarantine.

I slept a lot. Lot's of time alone. My brain kept racing a lot. I tried to keep busy as much as I could.

Today I returned to work. I was a bit nervous but it's the same job I've had for years. So it didn't bother me much. What bothered me was the attention I kept giving my intrusive thoughts. I was on edge most of the day.

I get lost in my brain and thoughts so much that everything around me doesn't exist. That scares me too. I tried to stay positive about it.

After work I drove to get some food and then to my brother's house. On the drive I started to have a panic attack. It's been a while since I've had one. They never become easier to handle, or less scary.

The thought that triggered it was the one I've been obsessing about these past couple of weeks. I keep questioning reality and my existence and it's scaring me beyond words. The feeling I get when the thought pops up feels as if I'm dying.

I feel numb most of the time now. I don't feel like my normal self. I just want to sleep. I also started seeing a counselor so hopefully that helps out. Until then I'm trying to hang in there, but it's so hard.

[XoxoFaith]

That is me at work I also have all those thoughts lately and it been in my mind a lot also that at some point we are all going to die I can’t help it and that just has me depressed I’ve been so depressed these days hope you feel better

[XoxoFaith]

That is me at work I also have all those thoughts lately and it been in my mind a lot also that at some point we are all going to die I can’t help it and that just has me depressed I’ve been so depressed these days hope you feel better

[Littleducky5]

I'm so sorry you're going through this. What you're describing seems to happen to me any time there's a change in my routine. It sounds like that could be what triggered it for you too. For some reason any kind of change triggers a depressing feeling and I start overthinking everything. I recently started taking a probiotic that also contains ashwaghanda and I SWEAR it has made me feel so much better. In fact I ran out and went a month without it and my obsessive thoughts started back up again. As soon as I started taking it again I noticed I went back to feeling calm again with no racing thoughts. You are just stuck in a rut but I promise it will go away and you'll feel back to your normal self eventually!

[Overthinker84 in reply to Littleducky5]

Thank you, I really appreciate it.

[IStillHaveHope]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I've dealt with existential obsessive thoughts, and they've scared the crap out of me too! For me medicine helped. The thoughts are still there, but they don't entice the fear they once did.

Things started to change once I was just honest with my doctor. I told him what I was feeling and he prescribed some medicine. I also asked him to recommend a therapist I could speak to. I won't say it was easy. It took time for the medicine to work. The first couple of weeks were the hardest, but for me it made the thoughts less "sticky". I could ignore them better if I wanted to.

Also, we all have existential fears, doubts, and questions. It's what humans have been doing since we've been around. It's why the Greeks stopped fishing and started philosophy

A long time ago, when I was reading about OCD, I found something that said something like, "People with OCD tend to be very intelligent and very creative". They believe Martin Luther, Howard Hughes, Nicola Tesla, and more had OCD. I guess what I'm saying is, you're not alone and it doesn't mean you can't accomplish great things. I hope you find the peace you deserve friend and may God bless you.

[Overthinker84 in reply to IStillHaveHope]

Thank you so much. It helps to know I'm not in this alone. I've been having better days. I'm on meds, so they help out a lot. I'm just tired of being stuck in my head.

[God-is-love3]

Hi I saw your post a couple days ago. I receive daily emails from pastor Greg Laurie and todays message was about how the prophet Elijah was depressed in his life. I searched on Google and found a good summary of the story: ibpf.org/the-prophet-elijah...

God will help us to keep going and will use us for good if we keep asking in prayer daily!

[Overthinker84 in reply to God-is-love3]

I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm not a religious person. And I would appreciate it if you could leave that out if you reply to my posts.

[God-is-love3 in reply to Overthinker84]

No problem just wanted to share what has helped me overcome my depression which is my new found faith in God through Jesus. I had to cycle through many different antidepressants to finally hit rock bottom, ending up in a psych facility for a few days, and then being led supernaturally to faith. I just thought since you mentioned questioning reality and your existence, which are things I was questioning as well, and continue to question but Jesus has changed my mind and made me hopeful.

[Overthinker84 in reply to God-is-love3]

It's ok. I'm glad that has worked for you.

[God-is-love3 in reply to Overthinker84]

I hope you get the right help medically and spiritually. Thank you for allowing me to share a little bit. Never give up!

[Overthinker84 in reply to God-is-love3]

Thank you, I appreciate that truly.