Horrible POCD thoughts

[SerenaL8r]

Has anyone had thoughts of "wanting" to watch CP? I feel absolutely sick to my stomach. I keep having thoughts of just "go watch CP" or "you want to watch CP" in my head. Along with horrific images.

I don't think I've ever seen CP in my life, I think I'd remember if I have, but I've always felt disgusted reading stories of those who get caught with it (actual predators) or have seen stories of men who've rap*d babies, and felt disgusted by that.

Im just terrified of why my brain keeps telling me to do this, or why it would even think I'd want to watch that to begin with. I'm so disgusted and panicky.

[RUtalkingtome]

Do you feel ike you will act on those thought?

[SerenaL8r in reply to RUtalkingtome]

I don't want to act on them, but I'm so scared that my OCD is trying to convince me i want too.

[RUtalkingtome in reply to SerenaL8r]

But you won't and you haven't since these thoughts began

[deValentin]

Your story reminds me of a friend who was so afraid of heights that he couldn't get close to them for fear of jumping off. The more you try to directly suppress an intrusive thought, the more it will torment you (pink elephant paradox). And the more you become desperate to do anything to get rid of it.

Have your heard of emotional reasoning? It's when a thought becomes so sticky, so disturbing, people start to think that it might mean something significant about themselves. When in fact it just means that they lost hope that it'll go away on its own if they just direct their attention towards healthier activities.

[SerenaL8r in reply to deValentin]

I haven't heard of emotional reasoning, but maybe that's what I'm going through at this moment. It's so scary that my brain is trying to convince me to watch something horrific, or the thought I'd even "like it" if I did.

[deValentin in reply to SerenaL8r]

That's it. You're so scared of "liking it" that checking whether you like it or not may appear at times appealing as a way to settle the question once for all. The only solution, in my opinion, is to slowly restore your faith in yourself. With greater self-confidence, the excessive need to check diminishes.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to deValentin]

But why do you get a thought in the first place that a... you should excuse the word... "normal" person wouldn't get?

[SerenaL8r in reply to Nothing_but_books]

I wish I knew, because it's very frightening.

[deValentin in reply to Nothing_but_books]

A lot of regular folks, myself included, have shocking thoughts once in a while. However, it doesn't turn into OCD if you don't pay much attention to it.

“You cannot keep birds from flying over your head but you can keep them from building a nest in your hair.” (Martin Luther).

[RUtalkingtome]

You arrived in your late 20's having not committed the acts that pester you. If you were prone to doing these things it would have already happened by now. Accept that you had these thoughts and move on.

[80_Zil_ian]

The only thing you can do right now if you are in the middle of a crisis is try to calm down and analyze the fact that if you are here seeking help because you’re suffering means these thoughts aren't you. If you were prone to realizing these thoughts, you wouldn’t be here. I know it’s frightening, but there is always a treatment.

It’s very likely that OCD carriers will have very hard crises at some point, but statistically, there is no evidence that leads anyone to act on these thoughts. However, there is always a risk that the person may develop compulsions to fight the thoughts or even get depression, which makes everything worse.

Please seek help. If you have been in OCD treatment for some time and haven’t seen relevant improvement, seek a second opinion, a third If nedeed. Don't give up. I’ll keep you in my prayers

[SerenaL8r in reply to 80_Zil_ian]

Thank you! I speak with a therapist tomorrow morning online, that i found through NOCD, so I'm hoping sessions + my medication will start to help someday.

[IStillHaveHope]

When I was younger a lot of my OCD thoughts revolved around violent or reprehensive sexual acts. These thoughts used to bother me quite a bit. I was even worried about having children around me at some points since I didn't want to have these thoughts.

I'm not a therapist or anything but what you're describing sounds an awful lot like OCD thoughts. We have to remember that OCD attacks what we value most; so from that I can gather that you are likely a very kind and caring person who is concerned about how they treat others. If you were a predator you wouldn't come online and post how concerned you were about this. A real predator would just do what they felt and wouldn't worry about it.

I know how hard it can be to have those images in your head or those thoughts racing. It is truly hellish. However, they are just thoughts and images. They don't have to have any meaning. What helped me was learning to just "be" with those thoughts and accept them. I know in my heart that I'm not that person, but my brain (for whatever reason) can't seem to move on from them. Accepting them as they were has reduced the frequency and intensity of them over time.

I hope this helped some and that you find the peace you deserve in your life my friend. May God bless you.