I'm new here. I searched for OCD forums because I have a type of Pure O that I cannot find anything about by googling. I'm hoping to find somebody here that I can relate to.
I don't have specific themes of intrusive thoughts about sexuality, or harm, etc. My OCD manifests itself by attaching itself to everyday thoughts. It could be something I think, something I hear, something I say -- and whatever that thing is, something about it doesn't sit right with my brain. It's usually something my brain gets confused about for just a second. But instead of figuring out the thought really quickly, or just moving on, something clicks in my brain and I immediately go into the viscous cycle of compulsively trying to "understand" and "connect the dots" of my thought. Sometimes I'll have a simple logic-based thought, and until I analyze every single part of the thought over and over until it feels "just right," I cannot shake the obsession.
I'm not worried that something bad will happen if I do not perform these mental compulsions, but more so that if I don't figure out my thought, I will be miserable and it will never go away. I have a super "sticky" brain and if I don't get through the compulsion of understanding exactly how I thought it, why it makes sense or doesn't make sense, etc., I will continually feel that something isn't right. I have the perform the thought pattern / rumination until everything feels "just right." Even then the obsession sometimes comes right back, rearing its ugly head again telling me that I don't fully understand the thought and that I need to go through my whole compulsion ritual again. It's draining me.
Like I said, I can't find anything on the internet about this and am beginning to think I am the only one. Please, if anyone is out there that can relate, please let me know. I feel like I'm losing my mind.
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JFraley8
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First of all it's not really pureObsession as the compulsions are there but are mental compulsions, I have these sort of thoughts everyday and it all comes down to the same thing OCD. having it just right and being scared that if it's left and not put right it will linger there for ever. I'm just doing all the things I do with my normal OCD except for there mental compulsions which I Personally find harder because there in my brain and its tiring. try to remind yourself that no matter how unpleasant and horrible you feel that your brain will eventually think of something else and that feeling and thought will pass! It has to! One time My head convinced myself I was eventually going to be a serial killer and I couldn't shake it when I tried work out why I wouldn't become one My OCD just said well I'm your head so I'm saying you will be and I control the thoughts (OCD pop in thoughts not someone else's voice) i struggled with it for ages but it passed, Ive waffled on a bit but thought I'd let you know I relate and it's hard to deal with but every time this happens which if your like me is everyday Try and remember it will pass. Take care
This also happens to me. I'm sure it's commoner than you imagine! In some ways I think that you're right, it's a variant of the 'sticky thought' scenario. Most people have random thoughts that can be downright weird or upsetting but for most people they simply float in and float out again. But for someone with OCD, these thoughts become 'sticky' - they don't just go away of their own accord, but stick in the brain, and demand attention.
And doing things until they 'just feel right' is another OCD thing. I often repeat an action - it could be something as simply as taking a plate out of the cupboard - and do it over and over until it 'just feels right'.
I think the answer is just to refuse to comply with the OCD demand - the demand that you analyse it from each angle until it 'feels right'. The more you comply with OCD demands, the less it will 'feel right'.
It could be that you have an analytical brain. That is good, and it can be put to good use! Perhaps do more things that exercise that power of analysis - I know that OCD can sidetrack you, and you may get stuck on a particular problem and have trouble moving on from it, but getting really involved in a problem, whether it's a crossword, a mathematical problem, or analysing a novel or a poem, or anything else, can really distract your brain away from the OCD demands.
I hear you. I've have mental obsessions and compulsions as well.
One thing to remember about this; your specific "topic" doesn't matter. The OCD thoughts can be literally anything. I know what it feels like to look for your specific "brand" of OCD, hoping that someone out there has an answer. I think that is part of the obsessions as well. OCD demands we find an answer to something that doesn't have an answer. But following it only fuels it.
I heard once that OCD isn't a thinking problem; it's a feeling problem. We know that the thoughts really don't matter, but the feeling associated with it can feel awful or overwhelming. We think if we can just, "figure this thought out" we'll be okay. In my experience, that doesn't seem to be the case. Most of the therapy I've been through focuses on simply allowing the thought to "be". It's not to say that is easy all the time though.
Have you tried talking to your doctor about how you feel? I know, for me, medicine helped and I asked the doctor if he could refer me to anyone who I could talk with. The first week on the medicine tough, but after about 2 weeks I felt like the thoughts were less "sticky". They therapy then helped me deal with the anxiety and to recognize what thoughts were OCD.
I don't know if this helps, but I really hope you find the peace you're looking for friend.
OCD does this to us. You are definitely not alone. This is another case of needing to learn to sit with uncertainty. Sounds easy? No, as we all know it is not. But OCD will continue to drive you nuts unless you start some ERP to learn to not keep ruminating. I had a very bad period a few years ago that EVERYTHING that came into my head I had to figure out WHY and how could I ever think such a thing!
As hard as it was, I read and learned more about OCD and intrusive thoughts. I learned that everyone has thoughts, and a thought doesn't mean it's a fact. If you try to figure it all out over and over, you really make your OCD worse and worse.
I didn't read anything about whether you have sought help for this? I would strongly recommend starting OCD therapy by talking to a therapist that understands what is going on. He/She can help you to learn to sit with uncertainty, ways to deal with these thoughts when they come in with a healthy plan. I have several "tools" now under my belt, ready for action, that I have to pull out now and then when they those thoughts come around, but once you start to do the work, the process with go much quicker. I have gotten these tools from my therapist, reading up on it, and watching OCD town halls with Ethan Smith from iocdf.org. This all helped tremendously!!! The town halls have "themes" and many times I have watched the ones on intrusive thoughts. You are not alone, my friend.
Go to youtube.com and do a search on IOCDF and you should come up with the town halls. See which ones you would like to watch. It will be worth it. Take notes and they can become part of your "tool kit".
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